I've seen this book on Amazon and it has a couple of pretty good reviews. Rather than just in and buy the Jessica Rabbit Jnr, I'm considering sticking with our original vibrator for a bit longer and getting this book for my wife. Has anyone here read it, and do you think it sounds like a good idea.
It has nothing to do with Girl Guides btw:).
Lol Mondo - Girl Guides indeed.
Not read the book, but what do you have to lose? If your missus likes the vibe you have now, then dont go buying something else - not for a while anyway. But thats just my opinion.
N40
Yeah good point - I've ordered it :) At this stage I think the less overtly explicit the better, so this might be really cool.
Thanks for the advice. I'll post back if we get any good results from it.
Yeah books are always useful. Have a look at Tracey Cox's Kama Sutra as well, it's really good.
Well, my idea backfired terribly and the OH ended up pissed off and upset for reasons I won't bore you all with! Bollocks. Back to square one.
I probably won't be on here for a while as our sex life has gone back out the window but if we ever manage to get it up and running I'll come back and chat about it.
Thanks for all the info and tips, have fun everyone.
So sorry to read that Mondo.
Do keep visiting - LH is not just for Christmas and Valentines its for all year round!!
Can sympathise completely with you on this one. I bought my wife a massager/vibe from here last year and that is still in its box some 8 months later.
Sex life is dull as ditchwater and no matter what, she just seems think we are OK. I'm at a loss to make suggestions as all I get back is denial and hurt.
If you are not happy, whether within yourself or within a relationship, then sex is the LAST thing you want, the worst thing to do with a person is put any kind of pressure for sex onto them.
my hubby and me made love maybe 10 times last year - we had a bad year for all sorts of reasons and I just didn't want sex or even cuddles for months, it came to a head after xmas and when my hubby said he didn't think I loved him any more it hit me like a ton of bricks! I finally admitted I had a problem, I think it was most likely hormonal ( maybe even S A D) because I started taking ginseng and soya isaflavones and I'm like a new person - I had been totally negative and constantly angry, I felt like I had permanent PMT.
A woman needs to feel loved and also needs to like HERSELF to be able to let go and enjoy sex - iif my hubby had bought me sex toys or sexy undies when I was feeling so low, I would have been very hurt indeed and it would have put me off even more - if I said to my hubby to turn off the light - he would jokingly suggest I climb over him to do it - all that did was annoy me immensly and make me just wish he would leave me alone .
Instead of moaning about the lack of a sex life on a forum, try talking to her to see how she is feeling, tell her you feel hurt that she doesn't seem to want sex with you and ask her what YOU can do to make her feel better, she may just not be ready to admit she has a problem or may not even think there was one - I didn't until it was spelled out in front of me ( and it scared the hell out of me) . I'm happy to say that my sex drive is now through the roof, so much so that my hubby actually told me he was "too tired" for sex for the first time in 20 years!
Instead of moaning about the lack of a sex life on a forum
i dont think he was moaning, people come on here for advice and to talk, and i just think thats what fireplace was doing.
i think fireplace your best bet would be to sit down with your wife in a relaxed envoremeant and just talk to her and tell her how your feeling and tell her how much you wont her to open up and tell you about how she is feeling and if theres anything bothering her. dont get angry or do raised voices just be really calm and relaxed as she is more likely to open up more and talk if she is relaxed.
Dxx
Lady Lara wrote:
If you are not happy, whether within yourself or within a relationship, then sex is the LAST thing you want, the worst thing to do with a person is put any kind of pressure for sex onto them.
my hubby and me made love maybe 10 times last year - we had a bad year for all sorts of reasons and I just didn't want sex or even cuddles for months, it came to a head after xmas and when my hubby said he didn't think I loved him any more it hit me like a ton of bricks! I finally admitted I had a problem, I think it was most likely hormonal ( maybe even S A D) because I started taking ginseng and soya isaflavones and I'm like a new person - I had been totally negative and constantly angry, I felt like I had permanent PMT.
A woman needs to feel loved and also needs to like HERSELF to be able to let go and enjoy sex - iif my hubby had bought me sex toys or sexy undies when I was feeling so low, I would have been very hurt indeed and it would have put me off even more - if I said to my hubby to turn off the light - he would jokingly suggest I climb over him to do it - all that did was annoy me immensly and make me just wish he would leave me alone .
Instead of moaning about the lack of a sex life on a forum, try talking to her to see how she is feeling, tell her you feel hurt that she doesn't seem to want sex with you and ask her what YOU can do to make her feel better, she may just not be ready to admit she has a problem or may not even think there was one - I didn't until it was spelled out in front of me ( and it scared the hell out of me) . I'm happy to say that my sex drive is now through the roof, so much so that my hubby actually told me he was "too tired" for sex for the first time in 20 years!
No one was moaning that I've seen - just discussing issues rather than bottling them up. Have you never turned to a friend or anyone to discuss something that is bothering you?
Secondly, you assumption that the women involved in these issues MUST be upset about something else in the relationship. Where was that mentioned? Admitted, yes sexual problems can be symptomatic of wider relationship issues, but they are certainly no the only cause. After all, every headache - for example - isn't a symptom of say a brain tumor is it now?
I myself had a disasterous relation and barely had any sex for years, yes that time it was symptomatic of a wider issue, but then I have also had sexual issues in perfectly open, loved-up relationships too.
Sex issues can and do arise on their own all the time. Some people just have different wants and needs. some people have hangups, or very set ideas of what is 'right' or 'wrong' (just look at your own posts for evidence of this).
Fact is, these men have come here for advice, this alone shows that they are trying to understand and cure the problems, this is no bad thing surely?
Fireplace wrote:
Can sympathise completely with you on this one. I bought my wife a massager/vibe from here last year and that is still in its box some 8 months later.
Sex life is dull as ditchwater and no matter what, she just seems think we are OK. I'm at a loss to make suggestions as all I get back is denial and hurt.
I'm the odd one out here as it's actually my boyfriend who is very closed-off about our sex life, not me. I do totally sympathise though. After being on here for a few days, I plucked up the courage to talk to him about it (not the first time, but probably the most honest). However, despite the fact that I tried to be as nice about everything as possible, it still upset him. In his mind, we're fine as we are and don't need to experiment further for the time being. I've tried to explain to him that it's not that I don't enjoy our sex life, it's just that I want to explore what we both enjoy a bit more and try some new things. Still no go. All I will say is that, despite the fact the conversation upset him, I think it did help as at least he knows now that, if he ever changes his mind about some of the things I suggested, I'm already open to trying them.
Lady Lara wrote:
If you are not happy, whether within yourself or within a relationship, then sex is the LAST thing you want, the worst thing to do with a person is put any kind of pressure for sex onto them.
my hubby and me made love maybe 10 times last year - we had a bad year for all sorts of reasons and I just didn't want sex or even cuddles for months, it came to a head after xmas and when my hubby said he didn't think I loved him any more it hit me like a ton of bricks! I finally admitted I had a problem, I think it was most likely hormonal ( maybe even S A D) because I started taking ginseng and soya isaflavones and I'm like a new person - I had been totally negative and constantly angry, I felt like I had permanent PMT.
A woman needs to feel loved and also needs to like HERSELF to be able to let go and enjoy sex - iif my hubby had bought me sex toys or sexy undies when I was feeling so low, I would have been very hurt indeed and it would have put me off even more - if I said to my hubby to turn off the light - he would jokingly suggest I climb over him to do it - all that did was annoy me immensly and make me just wish he would leave me alone .
Instead of moaning about the lack of a sex life on a forum, try talking to her to see how she is feeling, tell her you feel hurt that she doesn't seem to want sex with you and ask her what YOU can do to make her feel better, she may just not be ready to admit she has a problem or may not even think there was one - I didn't until it was spelled out in front of me ( and it scared the hell out of me) . I'm happy to say that my sex drive is now through the roof, so much so that my hubby actually told me he was "too tired" for sex for the first time in 20 years!
Your theory is proven wrong by the fact that the relationship between my boyfriend and I, in all other areas, is absolutely fantastic. We've been together 8 years next month, we live together, we enjoy each other's company and we're very much in love.
What's more, the idea that a lack of sex or an unwilligness to try new things is ALWAYS symptomatic of underlying emotional problems is ridiculous. I have bouts of quite severe depression and, up until a few months ago, barely went out alone because I was agoraphobic. However, it's not me in my relationship who has the issue with sex. It's my partner, who doesn't suffer from depression or any other illnesses, has a fantastic job which he enjoys very much and gets out and about all the time.
angelarwen wrote:
Fireplace wrote:
Can sympathise completely with you on this one. I bought my wife a massager/vibe from here last year and that is still in its box some 8 months later.
Sex life is dull as ditchwater and no matter what, she just seems think we are OK. I'm at a loss to make suggestions as all I get back is denial and hurt.
I'm the odd one out here as it's actually my boyfriend who is very closed-off about our sex life, not me. I do totally sympathise though. After being on here for a few days, I plucked up the courage to talk to him about it (not the first time, but probably the most honest). However, despite the fact that I tried to be as nice about everything as possible, it still upset him. In his mind, we're fine as we are and don't need to experiment further for the time being. I've tried to explain to him that it's not that I don't enjoy our sex life, it's just that I want to explore what we both enjoy a bit more and try some new things. Still no go. All I will say is that, despite the fact the conversation upset him, I think it did help as at least he knows now that, if he ever changes his mind about some of the things I suggested, I'm already open to trying them.
I tried to talk to my wife this weekend and again she got upset, but 24 hours later we may as well have not spoken at all. We went out on Friday and went to erm....a rival store with a ladies name (AS) and she bought some nice underwear and I bought her a vibe.
We had some wine on Saturday night and i introduced the vibe and she didn't want to know. Our entire sex life she has never had an orgasm as far as I am aware and she can't even tell me whether she has and finds it embarrasing to even tell me whether she masturbated before we were together. Something I feel quite comfortable about talking about.
I bought a book last year that I hoped would help that we could both read and she won't even bother to pick it up. Its not like she doesn't want sex, it just seems as though its all for my benefit and I'm the type of person thats not happy unless the people I am with are happy too.
Makes me feel like a complete and utter useless waste of space if I've never been able to satisfy my wife in 14 years and even worse that she just can't talk to me about it.
So sick of sex now that I dont feel like even trying any more.
I totally sympathise with this Fireplace - I'm in the same situation, but sometimes I sense we're making a little progress. I've done all the same things as you, had the same conversations and in the end very little changes. I don't want to write too much about it here since it seems a bit unfair on her to share these private details. If you want some advice here are a few thoughts: remember that the internet can give us a skewed idea of what is normal for most people - there are an awful lot of women (the majority?) who's attitude to sex is cautious and whose libido is pretty low much of the time. As a result they would never take part in forums like this, yet it's easy to form the idea from this forum and others that most women spend hours every day playing with their rabbit vibrators and thinking about sex. Your wife is probably pretty normal - she certainly sounds a lot like mine. Orgasms are not very important to her, feeling loved is. Funnily enough I think the fact that I'm knackered from work more over recent years means that she's had to discover how to look after herself sexually a bit more and that's helped a bit. Also since she's been working part time and been fitter from running she has more energy. Pilates has helped her muscle tone down below as well which is pretty good.
Fireplace wrote:
angelarwen wrote:
Fireplace wrote:
Can sympathise completely with you on this one. I bought my wife a massager/vibe from here last year and that is still in its box some 8 months later.
Sex life is dull as ditchwater and no matter what, she just seems think we are OK. I'm at a loss to make suggestions as all I get back is denial and hurt.
I'm the odd one out here as it's actually my boyfriend who is very closed-off about our sex life, not me. I do totally sympathise though. After being on here for a few days, I plucked up the courage to talk to him about it (not the first time, but probably the most honest). However, despite the fact that I tried to be as nice about everything as possible, it still upset him. In his mind, we're fine as we are and don't need to experiment further for the time being. I've tried to explain to him that it's not that I don't enjoy our sex life, it's just that I want to explore what we both enjoy a bit more and try some new things. Still no go. All I will say is that, despite the fact the conversation upset him, I think it did help as at least he knows now that, if he ever changes his mind about some of the things I suggested, I'm already open to trying them.
I tried to talk to my wife this weekend and again she got upset, but 24 hours later we may as well have not spoken at all. We went out on Friday and went to erm....a rival store with a ladies name (AS) and she bought some nice underwear and I bought her a vibe.
We had some wine on Saturday night and i introduced the vibe and she didn't want to know. Our entire sex life she has never had an orgasm as far as I am aware and she can't even tell me whether she has and finds it embarrasing to even tell me whether she masturbated before we were together. Something I feel quite comfortable about talking about.
I bought a book last year that I hoped would help that we could both read and she won't even bother to pick it up. Its not like she doesn't want sex, it just seems as though its all for my benefit and I'm the type of person thats not happy unless the people I am with are happy too.
Makes me feel like a complete and utter useless waste of space if I've never been able to satisfy my wife in 14 years and even worse that she just can't talk to me about it.
So sick of sex now that I dont feel like even trying any more.
have you thought about going to relate or something? canceling is a very helpful thing and your be surprised how much stuff comes up and how you wouldnt think its related at all untill you starting talking and working through things. even ig your wift wont go maybe you could go on your own and get your conferdance built back up and to relise it not your fault.
hope that might be some help
Dxx
I'm so sorry to hear that things are still bad Fireplace. It can be incredibly disheartening and, to a degree, frustrating when you try and be more open with a partner and they aren't comfortable with it.
I think Diamonds is right; I imagine it could be a difficult subject to broach, but getting counselling could help. It sounds, at least to an outsider like me, like your wife may have deeper issues regarding sex and I think those will need to be addressed before you can move forward.
Please don't lose heart. I know how upsetting it can be, but with time and effort you can hopefully find a way past it.