he hasn't made me cum in a while (tho he always gets his rocks off) and I'm getting a bit fed up.
Have got some toys from here but not much time to spend playing with them as he works long hours and we have a little one.
I told him that it was unfair that he came and I didn't and he agreed, and he said if I got him a book he'd read it.
So which book can I get that will help him drive me wild in bed?
He does very little to get me going, just sees me in a thong, gets a raging hard and wants to fuck really hard, which I love but means he comes pretty fast. Have got a cock ring but not tried yet.
Very frustrated here! I can make myself come in 3 min using my hands only! I want to get more out of sex, I want him to pay attention to my body but I feel like he has to want to do that, and right now he doesn't.
aaw poor you missmayhem! Those links look good, but I think Hella Rouge hit the nail on the head with the idea of teasing. Maybe he is used to being intimate this way and so doesn't really understand your needs are going unfulfilled. I suppose I mean you could tease him for longer to give yourself time to get properly warmed up, and tell him yourself what you would like him to do to help him if he feels a bit awkward.
If he is really tired from work etc. maybe that's the reason it's a bit 'in and out' and I can vouch for the brain chemistry after orgasm often trying to make the poor fellow go to sleep. If you keep him hanging for longer he can pay more attention to you without hormones and brain chemicals trying to force sleep!
I bet it's not a case of him not wanting to pay attention to you, but maybe the circumstances conspire to make it seem that way?
I'd also suggest looking deeper in to the issue that with a book, it might just be a convenient answer for him to reply with. Everyone is different and frankly I find 'How to guides' quite tedious and a bit annoying.
As suggested it's a great idea if you take some of the charge.
WandA - what do you mean about looking deeper into the issue with a book? I don't want to embarrass him but I am really struggling with this issue. Sex is a very natural, instinctive thing for me but I think he feels sex is a bit naughty and so he is quite awkward about initiating it, he would never try to be sexy by saying, I want you right now, strip for me nice and slow etc. He just hustles me up to the bedroom and gets on with it then has a shower and goes right back to whatever he was doing! and despite being awkward about initiating things, he is actually pretty filthy when he gets down to it and uses dirty words, loves anal play etc.
Sex is usually great when he's drunk so I guess he is a bit inhibited normally, even tho he enjoys sex. How can I help to relax more without booze?
I feel like our conversations about it as a "problem" don't really get us anywhere. I think he is embarrassed and wishes I would stop talking about it or that the issue of my lack of Os would just go away.. Not really sure what book would help us address these issues!
Some reading matter might help, but I think that there is a confidence issue at the heart of the matter here. If you can get him to go beyond the "quick dip" and start enjoying the whole (prolonged) experience then you will both find new heights.
I am reluctant to suggest it, but how about sharing some porn? It will give him some ideas.
have no idea where to begin to look for porn that involves proper foreplay - does it even exist? honestly, I think most men's sexual prowess is only hampered by what they see in porn - women doing things that can only be uncomfortable and pretending to sound pleased about it. I find there is so much crap online that I usually give up looking for the kind of porn I might like before I get close to finding it. But am open to suggestions if you really know of any decent stuff! Preferably not directed by a man!
That is a fair point and well made, there are a few officianados of female-directed material that I have in mind on here - hopefully they will be along with some links.
Rather than tips, I thought it might be a way of getting him "playful" and opening the subject up for discussion. Apologies if I am wrong.
thanks for yr reply noon, I am not a man so I probably cannot connect with porn in the same way. I do think it can have a bit of a numbing effect on my husband, he just lies there and watches it and I don't think it would do much to slow him down really, I want him to focus on my entire body and I don't know that porn is the way to get him to do that. But I take your point and maybe for some men it would make them more playful as you say.
thanks for yr reply noon, I am not a man so I probably cannot connect with porn in the same way. I do think it can have a bit of a numbing effect on my husband, he just lies there and watches it and I don't think it would do much to slow him down really, I want him to focus on my entire body and I don't know that porn is the way to get him to do that. But I take your point and maybe for some men it would make them more playful as you say.
I think what WandA's trying to say is that buying a book might be an easy way out for your husband. Buying a book and saying he'll read it may be easier than confronting the real issues and reasons behind why he can't or won't pleasure you properly.
There are hundreds, thousands of books that have all sorts of tips on all aspects of sex, but there's not alot of it that you couldn't figure out between you if you took the time to enjoy each other. Perhaps make an agreement to spend more time indulging in foreplay. You could even have sexy time together without actually having sex. Get him to finger you, give you oral, use your toys on you, and whatever else takes your fancy. Really get him to pleasure you, and make sure you tell him when he's doing something well. At the same time you can also do the same for him - give him a hand job, blow job and whatever else you want to do. Show him that pleasure doesn't have to mean a quick, hard fuck. It sounds like he has some confidence issues, but remember that you don't have to orgasm to have a good time. Things can still feel amazing even if you don't manage to reach the Big O.
Alot of people shout about Monogamy: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=662 I haven't played it myself, but I hear many wonderful things about it and it can encourage you and your partner to try new things, as well as rediscovering old things. Something like this is likely to be much more fun and personal than a book by some stranger telling your hubby how to pleasure you. Ultimately, a book can't tell him exactly how to do that - YOU are the expert on how YOU get off!
thanks Ecksvie, I guess I just want him to actually spend time looking at my body, exploring what areas I like etc and tho I've told him to slow down and take his time with me he's never really listened. So I thought that a book advising him and giving him a goal (to drive me wild!) would encourage him to really think about it. I feel a bit embarrassed saying do this do that, do it for longer.... just want to lie back and enjoy myself!! I guess there is a balance between telling him and encouraging him. Feeling time pressures also, as he has basically no energy time interest for sex during the week as he works very long hours. All very annoying.
Off to play for a bit to cheer myself up!!!
Will have a look into the game, loads of people have mentioned it on here.
Long weekend away on our own coming up in July so hope that will help us out. We are both total foodies so I'll have to make sure we don't go into a food/wine coma before we get to bed, which is what usually happens!
Hope things work out well for you. Remember, encouragement doesn't always have to be completely verbal - a low groan or other noises can help when he does something good! Don't overdo it, as you obviously don't want to be faking it or make it sound like your noises are saying "well done", but don't be afraid to let out your noisier side for his benefit.
just to say, things are finally improving. I've been a bit sex mad since discovering this site, mostly from realising that a lot of people out there are having great sex and I'm not one! So last night we used the seven speed bullet cock ring, my tc bullet, o gel by durex and the glass dildo!!!! sex lasted much longer, tho there still was basically no foreplay, (I dressed up and he got incredibly turned on by the outfit) and was full of much more exciting sensations, he liked the ring and I think it made him last longer and feel bigger. he is a very happy bunny this am and altho I didn't cum, I came pretty close and I think with a bit more work and time there will be a few more O's in my future! Fingers crossed. Time to shop again! love this site!