@Shannon41, just keep up the communication and take your time as you progress if you ever do. With a lot of back and forth with my OH, anal play has become a regular part of our sex lives, so much so that anal comprises probably 75% of our sexual practices. Apart from our pegging I regularly use butt plugs and prostate massagers now. There is a lot of information out there in regards to prostate/ anal orgasms. Like your OH what turns me on very much is how much my OH is into it and take’s pleasure in pleasing me anally. Like I said just keep talking and communicating.
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@Shannon41 remind him that it’s ok to be gay, nothing about that is gross, and he’d only be gay if he was sexually attracted to men.
Makes me laugh that men forget what actually makes them gay 
you like anal play and you’re not a gay man.
Its just a sexual act, just like a bj, or a hj.
I would suggest the next step would to massage his prostate whilst giving him oral or masturbating him.
Without a toy though, it can be tricky. If you have a long enough middle finger, you will be able to reach inside. It’s in the area around the base of the penis, toward the front.
I can reach mine with my finger ( but it’s obviously much easier with a toy)
The sensations and the feelings are amazing.
Try that in the short term. It will take a bit of practice to find the spot, but once you do, you’ll know. You will be able to feel the area with your finger, so you won’t be “fumbling in the dark”! 
If he does agree a butt plug/prostate massager would be my thoughts but if he doesn’t, then it’s off the table.
With the added context you have given this is a very different situation to what was first described. I’m also was an SA victim the person who did it was my then partner and a reason he gave was I looked like I enjoyed it, so consent is a massive thing for me. I do apologise if I caused any offence I was go off this information given.
I am still going to say if he has said no to toys then don’t push him. My OH enjoys having a vibrator used to stimulate his prostate externally that is something you can suggest to him, and he have spoken about getting a mains powered wand for both of us to use.
Reassuring him regarding sexuality will probably help. Also having more open conversations around sex and different toys will help.
Even with the new information, he’s said no to a toy, was that a blanket no to all toys in the vicinity of his bum or would he find a vibrator acceptable without penetration. Or rimming, if he wants it.
I still think you need to leave it, you’ve planted the seed, if it grows then he’ll tell you and if it doesn’t then, it doesn’t. But I think you need to remember that this is your fantasy, not his.