You learn new things about your partner every day...
So me and the hubby were 'getting down' and in the heat of the moment, I spanked him. And he seemed to like it. So I did it again - and again, it spurred him on. So I threw in some dirty talk, got a bit rough and it led him to an explosive orgasm. Colour me surprised!
Naturally I'm thrilled as I've been meaning to bring this up for ages, as he's so 'vanilla' and the toys just don't seem to be doing anything for him lately - so I've been wanting to try something new to spice things up again. He even said himself that he was surprised that it had the effect it did.
What would you recommend as first purchases for newbies to the world of bondage? I want to take it slow, as I don't want to scare him! Naturally I'm thinking a little spanker/flogger but with so many to choose from - I'm lost!
On a side note, I am so thrilled - I should have seen it coming - he loves to watch me play on my own, and I slap his hand away if he tries to touch (he's got to work for the privelege) ;) - but who knew there was a little sub in him and a little dom in me? Hehe...
Oooooo David the Dom!! I'm actually so happy to read this! It's fab that you're exploring your relationship more, and adding a little kink always spices things up!
I would recommend starting with the Lovehoney Tease Me range, but I'm not sure if you'll think the purple satin is too feminine? We started off with the paddle and crop and they're a really gentle way to ease into it in my opinion. The crop is reasonably gentle and doesn't hurt as much as the paddle. What I love most about spanning is the tingling feeling of having my bum rubbed after it, which is great for the paddle. It gives you a good slap on the leather side, then after a couple of slaps the feeling of the satin being rubbed against my skin to soothe it is amazing!! Or you could even just start off just using the satin side to cushion the blow until you know it's fully comfortable with it. It might be slightly too quick for him to go straight for the leather side, and we don't want him getting scared off now you've got to this point!
It's really amazing what a good spanking can do! I'm at the point now where I crave it. If I have a really shitty day the first thing I think about is how much better I would feel after a spanking. It just gets so much frustration out and afterwards I feel so much more relaxed.
So happy you've found this out! I know you were getting a bit down about the sex toy thing, maybe he's just been after some kink all along! Hehe!
Hope that helps you out, let me know what you think, I may have some other suggestions if you don't like this idea :) xx
I really wish I could help David, but I'm not sure if I've heard of this bondage you refer to, sounds like a french term to me - please share what does it mean?
Ooohh David ‘the Dom’ – you must feel like Christopher Columbus sailing on the Santa Maria who has just discovered the New World!!
So much to talk about here…!
However – I would go with the suggestion from Mrs for an ideal first paddle - this is on offer at the moment in the ‘3 for £30 Bondage deal’, which also has the LH Tease Me crop and LH Tease Me wrist restraints in there too.
You may also want to consider this for a starter flogger – its not at mean as it looks, and its more about how you use it – as with the paddle, build up slowly!
Then I would introduce a blindfold for some added spice, and later some cuffs. The Tracey Cox Beginners Bondage Kit is really nice and non-threatening and comes with one of the best blindfolds I have found.
And of course today’s DOTD has tons of great reviews and is a great price.
Why don’t you ask your husband to look through the responses to this thread and add what he likes to your Wishlist. Also check out Lovehoney’s ‘Bondage Guide for Beginners’ to get some other ideas:
I won't be suggesting the "hard stuff" I like }:) but I think a pinwheel and tickler would be a good investment for adding a softer touch so you can mix it up...
The pinwheel is scary looking but isn't... dragging gently on the skin tickles and makes the skin more alert....
and this not for spanking (yet) but you can drag it across the skin adding a different sensation because you can heat and cool the beads like you would a glass toy
Yeah he'd probably run a mile if I came at him with the pinwheel.. But I suppose if he's blindfolded... Haha. And we already have a feather tickler and he loves it :D
If he loves your tickler then the pinwheel will drive him wild!! my OH was a little nervous about hurting me with our pinwheel but he tried it on my arm while I was watching so he could watch my response and now it's an essential in the bedroom :)
*slightly off topic*
OMG Elphie is seriously sweet the new pics, the one of her in her new hoodie is so cute! If I ever track you down I will dog nap her :P (you've been warned)
Basically just agree with the suggestions above. We have the LH Tease me satin and leather paddle and I can't recommend it enough! Definitely use with a blindfold so your husband doesn't know if it a smooth satin stoke or a stinging leather slap coming. Enjoy!
Have you considered restraints??? My wife loves either being pinned down or tied down. I think it's more psychological (bdsm) than anything else. Tying or restraining offers a sense of vulnerability and complete submission or so the wife says.
If you do go down this root just remember to take small steps at first. Remember that as a top or dom, it's not about getting what you want so much as nurchuring you sub. It's about trust, have a safe word and safety is always the most important element. There are lots if resources online and remember there is no right and wrong. Do what feels right.
Also as a top/dom I find I spend a lot more time listening to my wife, finding out what makes her tick. It's also important to read your partners body language... It's a big responsibility so enjoy!
We probably will go down the restraint route (at least I hope so) but my OH is notorious for changing his mind about what he likes and enjoys, so whilst he may have enjoyed it last night, it might not continue that way, hence why I will start out slow and small with perhaps just a blindfold and a spanker (and perhaps a flogger) - and then if he continues to enjoy it, then I will perhaps consider adding the restraints - he's like a baby deer... one false move and he'll scatter away!
But thank you for your advice :) Much appreciated. And welcome too! I can see you are new round here too.
You know your other half, so go with your gut ha ha.
Yes I'm new too and find LH forum to be a very open and honest place. BDSM is a bit of an odd creature, the degree and intensity seems to change each session. As I was saying, it's very psychological so depends on where both of you are at at that moment as to how far things go.
Personally if your OH is a bit skittish would be to keep it tame until they are a bit more comfortable. Then sit down and have a chat about what you both like or don't. That will help establish ground rules, the most important of which is the safe word or signal (if they can't talk ha ha). Your sub needs to feel safe and trust you. If the word is spoken then everything stops instantly. No complaints or grumbles etc.
I also find that when you try something new, ease into it gently. Pay close attention to how your sub is reacting, a sub may well go along with something just to please you so I like to make sure they are enjoying it as much as you are. It's also good to discuse what you've done, especially at first, and who liked what or didn't like this bit but loved that bit etc. as time goes on you'll get to know your sub intimately and will need to do this less and less
I think everyone has covered it but I just wanted to say "Wehey" to you. I follow your posts and I know you guys have ups and downs in the sack (oooerr lol) and this is a lovely message to read today! (Big grin)
My biggest tip would have been to say "communicate" (as always hehe) but I think in this case, I have this feeling if you had asked him "Can i spank you and do this and that" he may have backed away (judging on what you said about his shyness etc before) but when you acted on it, he loved it! Its kind of difficult though to push bounderies with bondage and BDSM without having clear and concise communication regarding what is okay and what is not.
I think you are doing the right thing right now...slowly slowly and a little at a time. Trying not to overload him. That is ideal, especially with someone who is prone to changing their minds or feeling "bad" about things afterwards etc.