Can fat people be attractive? (I'm a fat person)

Sex Tips & Talk
21

"Do I deserve everything I get just because I'm fat...?"

NO WAY!

First of all, Just so you can see where I'm coming from - I'm extremely overweight, in my early twenties, roughly 5'3 and around 22 stones. I also have severe anxiety and depression problems which keep me indoors for months at a time. I'm also extremely socially awkward and I don't talk to anyone frequently apart from my girlfriend and immediate family that I can't avoid talking to, I wont even answer the phone unless I'm expecting a call. I can completely understand why you feel like society doesn't neccesarily accept you. When you're this weight, it can be pretty difficult to get people to look past the fat and acknowledge the actual person inside but you don't deserve anything bad at all simply for just being fat. Being fat doesn't make you any less or worse of a person than anyone who would be considered a healthy weight.

About the attractiveness though, I know where you're coming from. I'm extremely self-concious of my weight and on the few occasions I do go out, it definitely feels like I'm being stared at and judged by people who walk by, when I say that to family though they always say they never notice it and I'm just simply making myself think that due to anxiety. I don't consider myself attractive at all and I never believe anyone who tells me otherwise. My girlfriend tells me often how she doesn't see me as simply a fat man and how she thinks I'm handsome and that infact, I "suit" being fat. Although I don't quite understand what that means.

While I don't consider myself attractive though, I definitely have been attracted to bigger girls numerous times before, there are just so many factors to what makes a person attractive and those factors are different for every person, body weight isn't a factor to me personally and it's not to most people I know. I beat myself up over my weight constantly but we really, really shouldn't because while we're focusing on our weight, someone else may be becoming attracted to you because of your eyes or a cute smile or laugh, etc etc. I can't really offer any advice on how to lose weight or how to make yourself feel nicer about yourself because I'm still struggling with that too but when your loved one compliments you, just try to accept it, even if you don't neccesarily agree with the compliment. Whenever you are complimented keep the kind words in mind, try to focus on what he said and not what you think and tell yourself that he must really mean what he said and he must actually truly love you because he's there with you, trying to make you feel good. Maybe after a while you will start to feel a little better about yourself once you can accept that there is someone who does find you attractive and loves you for who you really are.

Sorry that that was such a long post that didn't really say anything...

22

At the end of the day, it's a body type.

Like all body types, there will be some people who love it and will actively seek it out, some people who don't really care either way and are more interested in other aspects and some people who don't like it.

The proportions of each of the three groups may change, but at the end of the day that's true for every body type! You just have to find the right person from one of the first two groups.

23

Of course, anyone can be sexy and everyone will be sexy to somebody. Its more about the person than what dress size you happen to be.

24

I suppose that depends on a number of factors... Who is the person who sets "standards" of beauty? Would society consider me stupid/not stylish enough should I go against the views of the majority? What do you refer to as "fat"?

Over here most young people seem to be totally obsessed with beauty - and what passes for beauty is being slim. When I open the browser (the most "common" one in the Czech Rep includes some weather info, some news and some gossip-like headlines), virtually every day brings articles of the "if you have obese friends, you are likely to become fat yourself pretty soon", "xy has put on weight, look at her thunder thighs she should lose immediately", or "is there any hope for him/her (plus a photo of a fat person) to live a normal life" nature. Frankly, it is bloody frustrating. Few years back, one TV company broadcasted their own version of "You Are What You Eat", and they hired a doctor and paid her to be extra nasty towards people wishing to lose weight - basically to shame them and make them into a laughing stock. The most horrible approach EVER. Young women larger than size 8 (10 if they are really tall) are considered disgusting by a great majority of people, and are often told they are pigs fit for slaughter. When it comes to sex, plenty of young men say that a woman heavier than 140 pounds (often even less) is a hippo whose c**t couldn't even be found under all the flab. I have been trying to find a boyfriend through dating sites and I am often told by guys there that I should realize I am too fat to find anyone who isn't a barely literate drunk. Yeah, that's a really fabulous thing to say to a woman who's currently working on yet another uni degree while doing some tutoring, proofreading and translating stuff. Smashing.

People tell me things like "if you started to excercise a bit, you would look much better, and you migt even have a chance of finding yourself a date"... Well, that means they really know me and really care for me; I used to be 300 pounds several years ago (size 26 or so) and I have made it to something between 180 and 190 pounds (size 14-16) through rigorous excercise (I walk 10 plus miles almost every day, plus I do at least two hours of cycling/spinning a day, and perhaps two to three weightlifting sessions a week). I have the resting heart rate of about 48 bpm, and model blood pressure and everything. Yet I have flabby stomach and thick thighs (and at the same times I sport prominent clavicles, lean, lightly muscled arms and lower legs, and I don't even have a hint of a double chin), and cruel people (usually young women who want to make themselves look more beautiful by comparison through making others feel fat and ugly) love to point theiir fingers and me, a-shouting: "Fatso!"

That's "fashionable" behaviour, being "cool", and having bags of "style", I guess. I do appreciate that my lower belly doesn't look good (I feel like a chubby Shar Pei dog pup), and I have been seriously thinking about having a tummy tuck done - I am just slightly worried that the result might not be all that great, either. Even when I am not very happy with this fad that claims that ONLY slim, beautiful people are healthy (and that every fat creature is sick and is going to be dead by the age of 50 - incidentally, most of my blood relatives are/were also... circumferencially challenged, for example my grandpa had managed to put extra pounds on even when he had been doing some forced labour in a factory in Vienna during the WW2 (while it wasn't anything like a concentration camp, of course, and the workers could roam free when they were having their time off, Nazis didn't bother to feed particularly great and abundant food to Czech workers), he had been overweight all his life - and he died at the tender age of 88... and there would be more examples, both among my mum's and among my dad's relatives. Yet these days, wherever I myself go, I am just "not enough" - or rather, there is "too much of me". It's not easy and it's not pleasant.

I suppose I will have to learn to live with it - even though it may be nasty to evaluate others on the base of their height, weight and body shape, people just tend to do it. People are not perfect physically (and it's so easy to point out any blemishes of this sort) but, more importantly, people are no angels, they are not perfectly nice, pleasant, or fair - and since these particular blemishes, these character flaws, are not tangible, and can be either hidden under the lovely outter shell, or, on the other hand, emphasized through slandering and nasty rumous, one has to accept that people often prefer to choose their friends (and partners) because of the more easily "visible" qualities they might sport - by their physical features...

Various physical qualities get praised or laughed at in various eras and various societies; I suppose that in the late 19th century I would have been considered (yeah, despite the flabby tummy) a trophy wife by any well-to-do farmer in any part of Western or Central Europe - I have an okay face, I am physically strong, and I think I intelligent enough to be a help in managing financial affairs and perhaps even to help one or two of the kids to pursue higher education that might be handy in the rapidly developing and changing world. These days, it is different. I am a city person, a university student/graduate/employee, and I live in the world where most men don't look for sturdy big bones in a women but rather for slender, lithe limbs and flat belly that looks great in swimwear and cocktail dress; many a man wants to show his peers that he is cool, classy and well-to-do enough to afford to have a beautiful girl with fashion model qualities in his bed... The answer to the "what is important?" question keeps on changing all the time, and with it, the standards of beauty.

I know I have no chance whatsoever to pique the interest of any "stylish, charismatic, cool guy", such a man would never consider me attractive enough. But even though all the magazines and reality shows and whatever else tells us that you have to be cool and beautiful (and that you should look and act like beatiful actresses and handsome actors of sitcoms aimed at youngish adults), not everyone can (or for that matter, wants to) be that attractive and wonderful - I myself hope that somewhere in this category of "less interesting", perhaps a tad introverted, and not exactly beautiful (and slim) people there may be someone who would have me. The chance is slim (unlike myself, lol) but perhaps there is a little hope...

You seem to have been lucky already, having found a guy who doesn't feel the need to join the glamorous club where only the coolest and sexiest people (according to the Hollywood-ish standards, anyway) tend to be welcome. Your fiancé does apparently find you beautiful, having his own criteria for beauty - this is what matters, don't care about what others say.

25

"Fat" is such a vague term. What is fat to one person is curvy to another. Obviously, there are exceptions to that, and morbid obesity is an issue in some parts of the world. Having said that... there is someone for everyone. People of all shapes and sizes find love (and sex), and live satisfying lives. If you are happy and healthy, I'd say don't worry about it!

26

For a long time I hated myself. I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. Being fairly tall (6'2) - I generally 'carry' it ok. But yeah, my tummy sags, I've got stretch marks and for a long time I would just be so depressed and angry. Angry at myself for letting me get that way, and depressed that no matter what I did, the weight just wouldn't shift.

But when I met m husband, he made me realise that there is more to attraction than just the physical appearance.

He says he lives every inch of me - and you know what? I've learnt to love me for who I am.

I'm large and in charge, chunky but funky. And I'm a whole lotta sexy!

27

Often the hardest thing to do is to believe that someone else finds you attractive if you don't believe it yourself, and people of all shapes and sizes can suffer from this problem and the niggling doubt it brings with it. You have to remember though that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and in fact there are whole communities out there dedicated to people who are attracted to larger women, so your size doesn't proclude you from being desirable to someone. You really need to trust your partner when he says that he's finds you beautiful, because he's being sincere, and every time a little voice pops into your head that says "he's just trying to make me feel better" you need to banish it. Put your faith in him, and his integrity, and keep reminding yourself of what sort of a man he is, and that if he says it then he really means it. Try to reinforce the positive and don't dwell on the negative, and eventually you may come to believe it yourself.

The thing about negative self image is that it's very ingrained, and it goes deeper than just the issue you're fixated on, i.e. the weight. There are people who hate their noses for their whole lives, they get a nose job, then look in the mirror expecting it to change their life and yet they still feel ugly. It's the same with people who experience drastic weightloss. If you don't feel pretty now then you're unlikely to feel much better when you've lost 10st, and the disappointment from that can have an even greater impact. It's important that you work on the psychological side of things, and how you feel inside, if you really want to make a positive change to your outlook and your self-esteem. When you lose the weight make sure you're doing it for the health reasons, and not because you expect it to fix your body image.

On the subject of healthy eating, be really aware of hidden calories in food. I don't know if you've ever seen "Secret Eaters" but it's such a useful show for highlighting how people can gain weight by eating much more than they realise. Lots of absent-minded snacking throughout the day can add a huge amount of calories to your food. So-called "healthy options" like fruit juice and olive oil are laden with calories (because they're just sugar and fat respectively) which will make you gain weight, or at least stymie your attempt to lose it. The other difficulty is that overweight people naturally have an urge to eat more, because all the fat cells produce chemicals which inhibit the body's ability to absorb nutritional content effectively, so it keeps telling you to put more in making you fight an upward battle. It means you have to be especially vigilant about monitoring what you're eating, and try to fill your cravings with low calorie options such as pieces of fruit and chopped vegetables.

28

Absolutely - I'd much rather have a woman with a bit more to hold on... he he. ;)

And remember, a lot of it comes down to how you feel about yourself - if you feel sexy, then you will exude that and thus be more attractive. There's nothing more attractive than someone who is comfortable and feels sexy with how they look.

Regarding weight, have you ever had a shot at using something like MyFitnessPal to track your meals? It's a chore at first, but you get used to it very quickly - it's not like a food diary where you have to write literally everything down and a lot of things can be scanned in by using the handy built in barcode scanner. Before tracking, I found it hard to gain weight (muscle) or lose weight (fat) but now if I want my weight to go up, it will go up and vice versa. :) Remember, weight gain/loss is 80% diet and 20% what you do in the gym. :)

Using MyFitnessPal, I have not ever cut something I enjoy out of my diet - speaking from experience it is a bad idea. I did so once with chocolate (went about two weeks with no chocolate after having a bar a day since childhood but when I gave in, boy did I give in ha ha)! No, instead I'd say simply eat less. That's one of the good things about tracking - if you discover you have enough calories left over to eat that Twix, then go ahead and eat it! As long as you're strict most days and stick to your calorie limit, you'll eventually attain your weight goals. Hell, I've gone over by 700 or 800 some days, but because it's a very rare occurance, it has no effect on overall progress. :)

You never know OP - it might be the key you've been looking for. Give it a shot! :)

29

Under no circumstances do you 'deserve everything you get', OP. But remember, when it comes to weight loss especially, 'about X number of calories' may be where you're going wrong - you might find you're eating a hell of a lot more than you think you are if you track even for a short while.

I used to think I was someone who could eat and eat and never put on a pound. That's because I was eating like a small bird, as I discovered when I tracked my average intake for a few days. I was probably eating about an average of 1600-1700 calories a day!

Remember though, you have to track everything! Swig a glass of coke during the day? Track it. Pop a few chocolates in your mouth? Track them. It's so, so, so easy to rack up calories with these little 'snacks' we all take throughout the day.

Yes it's a chore at first - (I was of the opinion that tracking everything I eat was borderline crazy and I'd never do it) but I got used to it quickly and now I have total control over my weight gain/loss. Right now, am gaining at about 0.5lbs per week and lifting heavy at the gym. :)

"Fat" is such a vague term. What is fat to one person is curvy to another. Obviously, there are exceptions to that, and morbid obesity is an issue in some parts of the world. Having said that... there is someone for everyone. People of all shapes and sizes find love (and sex), and live satisfying lives. If you are happy and healthy, I'd say don't worry about it!

That is very true.

30

Oh - one other thing: eating too little will actually cause you to either maintain or gain weight - please make sure you don't fall into the trap of starving yourself, or these idiotic 'diets' that say they'll lose you 8lbs a week or something. Sure, you'll lose 8lbs a week but a whole ton of that will be muscle (which is what you need to look 'toned' - that's why it's called 'muscle tone'. No - this is a long term project; you didn't put on the weight overnight so neither will you lose it in a few weeks. Fitness, whether losing or gaining weight is a marathon, not a sprint. :)

31

I think as mentioned here, yes in answer to your question they can be sexy. The problem here is whether or not you personally feel sexy.

As has also been mentioned everybody likes something different from their partners and something one person might find beautiful, another person hates. Generally speaking I've found it's other women that cause the issues of how we look at our own bodies. Especially when this term 'How a REAL woman, should look' is bandied about. What makes one woman more real than another?!?!?!

I was bullied heavily at school for the way I look and now that I am older I'm generally a size 6-8 but due to my coeliacs was a lot smaller than that for a while (before diagnosis) some of the comments I received were horrible. At dress size 6-8 I get horrid comments about how real women are bigger (more often than not from women)

As a model I am 'bigger' and curvier than a lot of the girls I shoot with, at 5ft2 any weight I put on shows. I hate it, but when I've been with bf's they've never noticed the things I classed as imperfections and problem areas. People wouldn't be with you if they did not find you sexy.

Nobody will ever be sexy to every person, but it is extremely important that you can feel sexy in yourself. I think you definitely need to find ways to feel good about yourself. Have you thought of joining a group. Whether it be a photography one etc to include your hobbies, or you could find a fit club etc to go to and meet others and exercise.

I think the biggest problem here is your lack of confidence in yourself. Finding ways of building on that will really help. Which is why a club, group etc may be good as you have something to distract yourself with. Also have some time to pamper yourself, do your hair, makeup, dress up etc. I find putting on a pair of stockings and sexy lingerie is a good step to making me feel sexier when I am feeling bad about myself.

I really wish you luck, and hope you start to feel better within yourself soon.

32

Sorry for the stream of posts guys ha ha - I would edit it all into one, but LH has a time limit to edit posts. :)

People tell me things like "if you started to excercise a bit, you would look much better, and you migt even have a chance of finding yourself a date"... Well, that means they really know me and really care for me; I used to be 300 pounds several years ago (size 26 or so) and I have made it to something between 180 and 190 pounds (size 14-16) through rigorous excercise (I walk 10 plus miles almost every day, plus I do at least two hours of cycling/spinning a day, and perhaps two to three weightlifting sessions a week). I have the resting heart rate of about 48 bpm, and model blood pressure and everything. Yet I have flabby stomach and thick thighs (and at the same times I sport prominent clavicles, lean, lightly muscled arms and lower legs, and I don't even have a hint of a double chin), and cruel people (usually young women who want to make themselves look more beautiful by comparison through making others feel fat and ugly) love to point theiir fingers and me, a-shouting: "Fatso!"

Hey - well done you! 100lbs+ weight loss is a fantastic achievement; to put it into persperctive, that's damn near eight (8) stone! In fact, to put it into even more perspective, you've lost most of my total current weight ha ha (I'm only around 121lbs but am only 5ft 6in as well).

Regarding the other problem areas, keep going with what you're doing and you'll make progress with them too. There will be times where things seem to plateu and that's when it's easiest to give up. Slash another 100 or so calories off the day and keep going - you'll push through it eventually. :)

33

Curvy girls are more sexy than stick insects,sexiness is more about attitude and confidence in your own body no matter your shape.

34

Hun... We are all sexy in different ways. After my hysterectomy last year...I gained about 4 stone.. To the point I felt I was seriously affecting my health.
I found my blood pressure was up... And I was finding scouting more and more difficult.
The thing that really helped my motivation...was lh... And making an effort to see myself in sexy outfits.there are plenty of fab plus sizes that flatter a rounder figure.
I
You mention you don't eat much calorie wise, and don't go out much over anxiety of getting lost.
Get an app called map my walk... And myfitnesspal. They can link together and shoe the calories you use .as well as gain each day. Map my walk can work well in the free version, and you can set it to record your walk in your area, as plot it instantly on a map...so you can never get lost, as you Will always see where you have been, so if you want to cut a walk short, you can plot a quick rout home. It will give you the confidence to step outside... And it tells you how many calories you use and distance and elivation etit

It motivates you to build up gradually the distance you walk...and it will drop the pounds
Combine a bit of light exercise and take a look at sexy outfits that you can wear now.. And aim towards... And maybe take some sexy photos of yourself in them.... You will boost your confidence.
Istill have a way to go to loose all my weight...but the first time in my life, I still feel sexy and desirable... Build gently... Walking is better than jogging..as lower impact...and swimming is even better ...I recommend 0 to 1 mile app to help build up the stamina..and melt pounds off.
Exercise releases feel good endorphins too... So you feel better as well.
You will find doing things to make yourself sexy takes a bit of effort...but well worth it

35

WillC wrote:

Curvy girls are more sexy than stick insects,sexiness is more about attitude and confidence in your own body no matter your shape.

Agreed there.

Hun... We are all sexy in different ways. After my hysterectomy last year...I gained about 4 stone.. To the point I felt I was seriously affecting my health.
I found my blood pressure was up... And I was finding scouting more and more difficult.
The thing that really helped my motivation...was lh... And making an effort to see myself in sexy outfits.there are plenty of fab plus sizes that flatter a rounder figure.

Very true. I have never really seen myself as 'sexy' but my current girlfriend has never stopped saying how sexy she thinks I am (especially my eyes and...ahem...bum he he). She makes me feel like the sexiest guy alive and that's one heck of a feeling! She's pretty damn sexy herself!

36

Well doing the occasional photo shoot with my latest sexy outfit and using g some of them as avatars and uploads here, had done wonders for my self confidence.
Those that saw my piccies in the beginning of the year..will k ow they were quite tame... But I am building up to more risque ones😉😄
Sure..I still hate my tum.... It with go eventually... But I have found a new love for my bum and boobs😄.
Strutting your stuff and have like you for taking a risk and doing a pose or two.. Is v rewarding.

37

If you can, OP, do some resistance work at the gym or at home. Cardio and diet are both good weapons to drop the pounds, but if you incorporate muscle training into your routine, you'll end up more 'toned' as well, as well as being stronger and having more energy overall. At first, even some body weight exercises will get you good results - things like bodyweight squats, beginner pushups and so on. From there you can move on to resistance bands and then eventually to actual weights at the gym. Don't worry about building big muscles - unless taking some sort of supplement and/or undergoing a specific female bodybuilding programme, women won't 'bulk up' - instead you'll become long and lean. Youtube is your friend - find a simple beginners' bodyweight programme for women - or chat with an instructor at the gym. :)

Remember though: don't try and drop the weight too quickly. You'll lose a lot of muscle mass to go along with it, and you're far more likely to end up with annoyances like loose skin if you lose weight too quickly, as well as it just being plain unhealthy all round. :)

In case you guys are wondering why I'm posting so much stuff, I'm a newly qualified Fitness Instructor and I love helping people get into shape (that's the main reason I chose this career).

38

It really depends on the observer, eye is in the beauty of the beholder.

As with many things in life people will always be more inclined towards liking or disliking certain things. One person's idea of a "perfect man/woman" is another person's idea of unattractive. Generally, you can't please everyone but you can especially please a specific person!

If your fiance says he fidnds you attractive then I would believe him! If it wasn't true then he wouldn't be your fiance afterall. ![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

As for changing things - not everyone has an ideal weight for themselves. Personally, I'm quite a skinny guy and I'd prefer to be bigger; in fact I used to be very self conscious of how skinny I was!!! It was a big motivator for me to change my body to become more confident.

I might recommend to try to learn how to cook because then you know everything that's going into your meals, and if that's not possible then at least learning more about why the body needs different food groups would help.

There are some very simple diets out there, the one I've heard the most success of is the low carbohydrate diet! Maybe do a bit of reading into that or some other things and see what looks managable to you.

I don't want to make my post too long because there's been quite a lot of response already, but I really wish you the best of luck for the future in becoming happier with your body - whether that be physical or psychological change!

39

After reading what a lot of people of wrote has made me feel better about myself I know I'm overweight. I'm only 5'1 maybe 5'3 on tiptoes ![](upload://5BDs2y1gm13l2R58ovmAMxyNM3f.gif) and I'm 14 Stone. I've been heavy than this but just found out at my last review that I had lost 1 stone in the last 3 months so that made me happy.

I can't say I was trying to lose weight I know I wasn't trying to put any more on but it was still a ghreat surprise and made me feel great. I've been on medication for the last 10 years and ther side affects are weight gain which the doctors don't care about when you are already overweight or are Insulin since you were born.

I think Husbands/Wifes/Partners love us the way we are and no matter if we are battling with being overweight they still think were sexy they still find our sweet spots and they still know how to turn us on.

I hope soon doctors can sort weight problems out for people be it overweight or underweight without the need to have to wait until it seriously damages the persons life.

40

Larger women are absolutely gorgeous and I can totally understand your position as I found out last week I've gained 2 stone since I was diagnosed with depression and 3 since OCD. Don't worry about what anyone says, they don't know your situation and you are a sexy and beautiful lady! I'm a bigger girl and and I try so hard to be confident but I understand when you feel like everyone is staring but it sounds like you have a fab partner to give you support and remind you how beautiful you are!