cant ask my friends

We have been together for 10 years now and he is my 1st Sexual partner, but i dont think ive ever had the big Oh i kinda make him stop. Ive brought toys but when i try to use on myself i stop too. What am i doin wrong?

Hello Curly and welcome to the forums.

We all need a little more from you to help you and we will, you've come to the right place:)

However you've given us so little info . your profile does not say whether your male or female. My assumption is your a woman but we give non judgmental advice to both sex's and of all sexual orientation s.

If what your saying is you have never had an orgasm then you definitely in the right place.

Many many women experience this. Its about relaxation and letting go. Not chasing a goal. Some fear the losing control , maybe settings themselves. That's why most experience it in private on their own first. Learn about your own body and teach yohrsdly to orgasm.

I wish you well.:)

Think gentle giant has said it all relaxing is a main part thinking to much isn't good.
Hope you find and get what you looking for have FUN and enjoy 😉

Making him stop vs it just not happening are 2 very different things.
Why do you make him stop?

I get this completely as I sometimes do the same. I can be getting so close and feeling becomes so powerful I tense up and ask them to stop. The other comments are exactly right, you have to relax into it, which is sometimes easier said than done. I have found experimenting by myself and trying different things help. I have actively tried to make myself orgasm, when I start to tense I have consciously tried to relax and it works, not every time but it's a start.

Talk it through with your partner, if they know how you feel about things hey could practice with you. :-)

Hi sorry kinda new to this, i just randomly saw this community whilst checking out sight and im not very comfy askin anyone lol so ive asked strangers (if you know what i mean)

i am female married with 2 little monsters.

its hard to explain and i feel bad for my partner as he keeps tryin and i kinda make him stop as i get like can feel my chest thumping/excited n feel like im gonna pop so i kinda get scared and make him stop then get asked if i came and i say i dont know dont think so, im not a screamer like in films/porn ive seen its just really getting to me.
I am not really body confident and my sex drive has completly gone
I try to be calm and just go with flow but is always on my mind during

any advice is appreciated

I think you've answered your own question tbh. I had exactly the same with my first experience. I could feel it building up and building up and when it started to feel like I was going to explode I told him to stop. After a while I realised that what I had experienced was the build up to my first ever orgasm. But I panicked and told him to stop. But what everyone else has said is also very possibly the problem. If youre worried about it and confused about the feelings you're not allowing your body to fully get lost in the moment and if your body can't let go it will be much harder for you to orgasm.
Also I think it's very valid to say that there are so many different kinds of orgasm. Even now after nearly 20 years experience there are times I'm not 100% sure if I've cum or not. Sometimes it is a massive explosion and others it's a prolonged warmth. But sometimes it's an odd sensation I'm not even sure I can describe.
Hope some of this helps.

Welcome to the forum Curly. You'll find you can ask anything here and no one will judge you. There is usually someone that has experience in whatever you want to know. There is always excellent advice available.

Not sure about mine though 😉

I think you should experiment on your own. I still get the urge to push my OH away or ask him to stop sometimes. This is quite often because i start to feel myself losing control. If you haven't experienced an orgasm before it's difficult to know what to expect, or know what your body will do. It can be off putting.

On your own you should be able to relax more. Make sure there are no distractions. Lose yourself in a fantasy. Tense you pelvic floor muscles during your play and when you feel the urge to stop, try just slowing down instead. Gently build up to it. And don't put any pressure on yourself. Tell yourself you're just going to enjoy the sensations and nothing more. Also if you're experimenting on your own you won't have the added worry of feeling self conscious.

Good luck. xx

I agree with above ^

I think it might help if your partner stops asking if you've came too - I think that could subconciously be putting you under more pressure for the next time!

I'm currently having the same issue with my OH, though I can orgasm playing with myself (it did take me a little while though tbh) I have never had someone else give me one.

Though I really think it is down to relaxing and not worrying. First I'd advice to play with yourself, maybe in the bath with a waterproof vib? Just incase you are subcousciously worried about squirting or something like that. Or you could in bed and put a towel down (recommend a mini wand).

From what I've learnt its all about relaxing and not forcing it, just letting go and letting it happen (I know how hard that is). Maybe ask your partner to not ask if you have cum, and say its ok if you don't and just to enjoy yourself (I know that does help relax and take the pressure off).

If you really want to go for it....maybe get your OH to tie you up and blindfold you and play with you and not stop, wand I've heard it best (just recieved one as a freebie so will put up a review soon), but you don't need to use toys, i just find I am getting closer and closer the more i relax around OH and using toys. Literally ask him to play with you til you cum? Maybe that will help?

I hope that helps, if you have any questions just ask <3 xx

i have tried solo even brought a rabbit and a pebble but not comfortable at all and i give up just thought mabe there was something wrong with me and its hard asking anyone i can imagine the response (oh what u never had an orgasim ur married with kids)

Guess i better not give up

thank you all for your responses really appreciate it x

Don't give up please just find some fun things to do relax with or without your husband and enjoys let go and go wild 😜 haha have fun though x good luck 😉

Don't give up please just find some fun things to do relax with or without your husband and enjoys let go and go wild 😜 haha have fun though x good luck 😉

Hi Curly. I kind of understand well what you feel because for a very long time I felt the same way. I think involuntarily we put a lot ot pressure on ourselves to reach the climax and know what the big fuss is about. But our mind is a very powerful thing and if we're worried about losing control, please someone else before ourselves and with our daily worries that we always have in the back of our minds, it's very hard to get there.

I've just "learnt" how to orgasm when I started playing solo and give myself a chance to really getting to know my body, my feelings, my sensation. Everyone is so different and sometimes what works for some don't work for others. Some people mentioned relaxing and I'm sure that's essential because you need time to enjoy the journey and the chance to get lost in the moment; sometimes it's easier if you do that on your own. Slowing down, breathing and little by little you'll get there. Good luck!

Please don't feel that there is'something wrong' with you.....There isn't. Everyone is different and it sounds as though you are being put under pressure, both by your hubby and yourself. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both of you.....Not him fighting to make you orgasm and you fighting not too !

I suggest some solo play. Choose a time when you are not going to be disturbed so that you can relax properly. All you need is your fingers and a bottle of lube. Toys are fine but can feel a bit intimidating......Besides which you'll be able to feel more in control if your fingers are doing the work. Stroke yourself until you find the places you like touch more.....And then concentrate on those spots. When you feel yourself beginning to tighten internally....Don't stop. You're the one in control of your body and you'll be on your own so you won't need to worry about anyone else.

I'm sure you'll be able to orgasm and really enjoy it without any pressure. Once you've mastered it you should find it much easier to let go with your hubby.

Good luck xx

curly1980 wrote:

i have tried solo even brought a rabbit and a pebble but not comfortable at all and i give up just thought mabe there was something wrong with me and its hard asking anyone i can imagine the response (oh what u never had an orgasim ur married with kids)

Guess i better not give up

thank you all for your responses really appreciate it x

Never feel like something is wrong with you <3 There's not something wrong sweety, just don't give up, don't force it and enjoy yourself, it will happen for you when you are relaxed and not feeling pressured :). lots of hugs :) I really hope you do manage it, if I find a new method that works I'll message it on here :) xxx

I don't have a partner, never have had so I hope you don't think me a fraud for offering my opinion/advice.

I am a real control freak in real life and before I started playing I didn't think I would ever be able to let go enough to get there but actually I realised that it is the one time you can let go, you can't be critised, you can't be told you're doing it wrong, too loud, too quiet, you look weird blah blah blah. It's purely for you no-one else. If you are happy stopping when it feels good to you, it doesn't matter, if you want to carry on till you are a sweaty, tremblingly, swearing mess, that's great too. As long as you are somewhere safe you don't have to worry about what your body might do or how you might react. It certainly won't hurt you, unless you want it to!

you say you get scared and I'm guessing anything you might be scared of is irrelevant on your own. Scared you might be loud? Put some music on and go with what you feel. It's all for you, the one thing that's for you only, the only person to please is yourself and as others have said take that pressure away and just enjoy whatever you like.

My advice would be, dont give up!

As many have said before find time for yourself and practice. Find out what you like, and dont put yourself under any pressure, just relax and explore. You are not under any time frame, so take your time. Practice, practice and practice some more.

Good luck, and please get back to us and let us know how you get on.

And by the way, welcome to the forum, I'm sure we all hope you enjoy yourself here, they are a lovely bunch of people.

What's happened is this has become a huge mental issue for you Curly. You have all the physical things you need to achieve what all women deserve a good orgasm.

Your have heaped more and more pressure on your self. Unpicking it is going to be tough but not impossible. You need to give yourself more me time. Pamper yourself for a month or so. Have your hair / nails done. What ever does it for you. Try to remove or cut down on the things that build stress in your life. Get some nice massages to take the tension out of your body. Drink more water and keep yourself well hydrated.

Then try a nice warm bath some oils prep your bedrrom some scented candles. Nice and warm no one around price and quiet. Take your time explore your body , learn and teach yourself what you like and how to touch your self but don't force it. Just enjoy the pleasure your you can give yourself.

Try to slide or slip into orgasm don't chase it.

I'm sure you will get there x

Hi there, you say the rabbit and pebble are not comfortable, this could mean they just aren't suited to you. Rabbits are very subjective, and are definitely not a one size fits all. If you have bought them from Lovehoney they offer a no quibbles return policy.

I agree with everyone else, relaxation is the key and self exploration. We are all different and like different things in order to get off. The brain is the biggest sex organ and until that is stimulated you are going to find it difficult. You need to find what you find what that is - a fantasy, or something you have done that you loved, an image that you like or even watch a bit of porn to find your niche. However sordid it may be, it doesn't matter, as it's a fantasy. This will help you take the focus off of the big 'O' and just relax and enjoy. There are some great erotic audio stories on literotica which may float your boat too. I think you would be better to use your fingers as you will have more control, than a toy and helps with the self discovery and finding out exactly how you like to be touched. Don't worry you will get there. X