Hub is suffering from spinal and root nerves disease and we could not have sex for sometimes already. I’m sexually active and want sex most of the time. I’m deprived and he knows. So I have resort to toys, and more toys but I’m not happy with just toy. If you have been through similar situation how do you cope with your sex drive and never ending desires? I’m in my 50 something and I’m sexually too young to give up sex.
I too have to resort to toys and my hand. I have a high sex drive unlike the OH. Unlike your OH it's not medical, she is just not got any sexual desires unlike myself. I got fed up of being rejected by any intimate/sexual advances I tried, so now just pleasure myself. If she found out she would probably call me a pervert, she's that straight laced. Age is just a number, I also in my 50s and my desires/drive have never been stronger.
4Uonly wrote:
Hub is suffering from spinal and root nerves disease and we could not have sex for sometimes already. I’m sexually active and want sex most of the time. I’m deprived and he knows. So I have resort to toys, and more toys but I’m not happy with just toy. If you have been through similar situation how do you cope with your sex drive and never ending desires? I’m in my 50 something and I’m sexually too young to give up sex.
Sympathies - this must be difficult.
I have disc / vertebrae degeneration at L4/5 and in my cervical spine. I'm 50 this year.
During flares sex could well be too painful, or - my worry - things could be going well but one wrong move can cause fracture-like pain.
If things are more advanced for your husband, then this might not help, but I find that prevention is key. I have to be very, very careful each day about where I walk, what I carry, how long I stand, how I move. I use a sacroiliac belt, a stick (quite a sophisticated cane - no crutches for me!) and a posture support when I need to. Also physio for core strength. If those vertebae and discs can stay stable then it helps - the minute they start to grate then I'm flat on my back and not in a good way.
When things are stable, I find sex fine as long as we use supports to avoid moving those particular joints too much - wedges, cushions, pillows. They help us to enjoy lots of positions. And my spinal problems don't stop us enjoying oral, hand jobs, massage (focussing on muscles not joints) etc.
I also use toys, especially when my back is bad - no substitute but better than celebacy and keeps your sexual health in order.
MsR, thanks for sharing. It’s very painful for him whenever we make love. So we decided that he should stop. but He knows my high sexual need and came up with full of rubbish suggestions. At the moment toys are my only companion. Sigh.
4Uonly wrote:
MsR, thanks for sharing. It’s very painful for him whenever we make love. So we decided that he should stop. but He knows my high sexual need and came up with full of rubbish suggestions. At the moment toys are my only companion. Sigh.
Would he be interested in helping with your play?
It could include him too if he is able to enjoy oral / a hand job?
MsR, thanks again. Unfortunately he cannot help due to C4&5 pressing on the root nerves and he could not control his movement smoothly. Pins and needles felt on both legs. A colleague suggest a disc reconstruction and replacement. We are thinking about it. Will update you later on this matter. Thanks again.
I understand your situation fully. I'm 40 and hubby is 57, he has terminal heartfailure and we have not been able to make love for over two years, not even consummated our marriage. My sex drive is good to insane, and I have a few key toys that I turn to. I masterbat most days, but it varies from a quickly to hours of pleasure. Hubby doesn't like to see or hear me as it makes him feel more inadequate, so I have to choose my time and place carefully.
It is truly a sad situation, but I have the fact that I may lose him forever in the next few years. We are very lucky that our relationship is so much more than sex and our love is strong. That said I do miss a good hard cock.
@Fun Louise, thanks for sharing. While we do miss those good hard cock I pray that God will continue to grant you strength to care for him.
My partner's sex drive hasn't just crashed, but it's hit a brick wall, blown to pieces and the pieces have been blown out to sea. We used to have sex daily (sometimes more than once), and were quite adventurous too. But she had hit the menopause and it's all completely stopped. I just can't take all the rejections. It's not like I'm always on about it. But when I do bring it up that it's what she'll say. I've tried massages, and cuddling, you know ... all the romantic stuff. The result? Sweet fuck all! I do masturbate, and that takes the edge off, but it's never as good as intercourse. I'm seriously thinking of a discreet liaison with someone ... anyone!! But that'd be cheating and I'd feel guilty. I'm well and truly screwed!
@matt77, thanks for sharing and my sympathy of your situation. Having intercourse can be painful for most women who menopause. For some reasons they also started to loose their sexuality feeling in there and sex drive became zero. Give her some space for while and seek help from dr . Menopause can be overcone with the right medicine and cream. I menopaused 2 years ago I love sex.