If you are one or have been one, I would be glad to know how you manage your situations either openly or secretly. I'm my other post I shared about my hub is not able to have sex with me due to medical problem. I've be sexually deprived for more than 6 months and sex-toys don't really meet my need. What have you been doing in my situations. Thanks in advance.
Sympathies - that must be very difficult for you both.
I'm not in the same situation but can relate to a degree. I had a very poorly kiddie who was in and out of intensive care as a baby at the same time as going through an early menopause. My libido was non-existent for years. I have arthritis and degenerative disc disease but even though I'm nearly 50 I'm not ready to give up on sex.
My OH has a stressful job and this can affect his drive, often for a few months at a time (but this is reduced sex, not none at all) and I'm still the main carer (without having a practical bone in my body) for the kiddie, having given up an intellectual career - so often I'm not in the mood either.
Firstly, my husband and I talked about how we wanted to solve the issue as a couple. We considered a number of options - including other partners, professionals, porn etc and decided together to wait it out - there are options to consider. We knew we wanted to stay together. Others might choose to separate or to have an interim arrangement.
Secondly, we both take care of our own needs whether or not sex is happening. I use toys and find that I enjoy the strength of orgasm but miss the human contact. But we both masturbate more if the other isn't always in the mood.
Thirdly, we have always made an effort to maintain physical and emotional intimacy, even if it isn't sexual. We always talk and we are affectionate as well as grumpy gits - that can range from a snuggle / kiss to a shower together & massage. We have our own interests so that our home is somewhere to regroup and share. We like each other.
Fourthly, Lovehoney: buying toys and the right lube means I can experiement with my own feelings of desire and my body's responses, and the lingerie I buy quickens MrR's pulse!
So, communication, affection, patience, and a willingness to live your own life both sexually and otherwise, with each other's support, has worked well for us. And we enjoy the times when we are both feeling the same things at the same time - I don't know if your husband's condition is permanent or if there are good times / bad times. There might be a space each day / week / month to have some sort of intimacy and connect with each other, even if it isn't as sexual as you would like? Could you use toys together so that you both get the physical closeness of each other too? Could you read / watch erotica together? Can you experiment with different ways of satifsying each other?
I really hope things work out for you and that others pop long with suggestions - I can only say what has helped us during fallow periods. If your situation is more long term then I am sorry and hope others can help.
4Uonly, MsR, I’m so sorry to hear about your situations. I really sympathise, my girlfriend and I haven’t had sex/foreplay for just under 10 years now.
I really do understand how you feel 4Uonly...seriously I have been there...it wasn't for medical reasons though...but only you can decide what to do everyone is different in how they handle what's best for them. You are not alone though.
Thank you MsR, Knight1119 and CurvyJilly34 for your posts. My hub has lost total interest in sex. He came up with many options which I considered them "not possible" to realise. I love him and I have decided to remain faithful and leaving me with the only option of oral suppression to calm down me sexually. Thanks again my friends.
Don’t give up and try often to spice things up
Thanks for the encouragement.Loli75 wrote:
Don’t give up and try often to spice things up
You welcome
Use toys
Knight1119 wrote:
4Uonly, MsR, I’m so sorry to hear about your situations. I really sympathise, my girlfriend and I haven’t had sex/foreplay for just under 10 years now.
Hi Knight, I'm fine but thank you.
I was trying to think of things that my OH and I find helpful during a fallow period - and a long term relationship is bound to bring a few of those as well as times when things are a lot more active and satisfying.
I was hoping there might be something in my experience which 4Uonly might find helpful. It must be very difficult when sex if off the agenda permanently. I wasn't sure if that was the case but sadly for 4Uonly it seems to be. I hope both you and she can find ways of keeping intimacy and affection alive with your partners.
Hi MsR, I’m glad you’re ok and thanks too. Unfortunately our situation won’t change, I just accepted it years ago.
MsR, the long relation living together definitely surpasses sex for me. Hub knows my sexual level and he's prepared to turn a blind eye even if I cheat on him but I declined. He also suggested separation and I also declined.... Sincerely I hope my decision last indefinitely.MsR wrote:
Knight1119 wrote:
4Uonly, MsR, I’m so sorry to hear about your situations. I really sympathise, my girlfriend and I haven’t had sex/foreplay for just under 10 years now.
Hi Knight, I'm fine but thank you.
I was trying to think of things that my OH and I find helpful during a fallow period - and a long term relationship is bound to bring a few of those as well as times when things are a lot more active and satisfying.
I was hoping there might be something in my experience which 4Uonly might find helpful. It must be very difficult when sex if off the agenda permanently. I wasn't sure if that was the case but sadly for 4Uonly it seems to be. I hope both you and she can find ways of keeping intimacy and affection alive with your partners.
Thanks for your toys suggestion. It has came to a situation that the real cannot be replaced by toys. There are moments of desiring someone to embrace you, touching you and kissing you has disappeared. Btw my collection has passed 200 and still buying.Loli75 wrote:
Use toys
@4Uonly: toys can give someone an orgasm but they can't replace human contact and emotion. Can you find a way of combining the two together?
Impressive collection, btw!