Hi all, So, where do I start! Back in October of last year, i was in a relationship with an old school friend. Unfortunately, this only lasted a couple of months as she said she wasn't ready for a relationship. We did a lot together in that time. We split on good terms, no hatred or anything but since then there was no contact.
Fast forward to now... I've been on the dating apps, and a couple of weeks ago, someone messaged me on there and we got chatting! We've met a couple of times for a drink and chat, and this Saturday we're going out for meal.
A few days ago, my ex got back in touch with me to explain her reasons as to our split as she felt it wasn't fair that I had no clue as to the real reason. I won't go into detail, but it was a very difficult situation at the time for her and I fully understand her reasons for doing what she did.
The ex and I have been chatting again, and she still loves me and doesn't want to be without me. She only wants me and no-one else. I've always said I will be there for her and that I'm not disappearing. I do still have feelings for her, however, not as strong as they used to due to the fact we haven't seen each other for so long, but if we were to see each other, I'd say those strong feelings will return!
This girl I'm chatting to is really nice to talk to, we get on well and we both said we like each other...that's as far as it is. Just testing the water so to speak at the moment.
My mind is all over the place on what I want to do? Do I give the ex another chance, but then means letting down the girl I'm chatting to. I hate to be the bad guy!!
Any advice on what I should do! Sorry for the long post, but I'm stuck!
Hi, I totally understand your situation. I myself am dating too after coming out of a very long term relationship and have recently became exclusive with this guy :-). I never understand the whole dating scene to be honest, theres lots of time wasters. I think if you like the new girl you're chatting to, and get on well then why not go on another date or two with her and see if the chemistry persists, perhaps stronger than what you had with the ex? I'm sure if you explain to your ex that you were trying to move on hence why you are on the dating sites. I get that you and you're ex obviously had something special too and it'd be a shame to potentially miss out on what might be. You are not the bad guy, remember she finished with you and you've since tried getting on with your life. You need to do what you think will make you happy. You are not in a relationship with any of them yet, just dating so shouldn't feel bad but I can see why you would. You could also look at it from the point of view if you get back with her, do you trust her enough to not finish it again? Good luck x
Thanks smellycat... I forgot to mention I did tell the ex I have a date on Saturday, which she didn't seem to take to well. She's still madly in love with me it seems, but I don't want her to feel 2nd best if you know what I mean? I'd feel awful either way I think...
Explain to new girl my ex has got back in touch and wants to make a go of things so cancel the date Or... Tell the ex I'll go on this date to see how things go, and if they don't work out then I'm all yours kinda thing
The ex has promised she wouldn't get scared or walk away. She even asked for me to marry her!
Go on the date as planned. They could be terrible in person or they could be the ONE! Either way it will help you decide which way to go with the Ex. Dating now is a mindfield! Good luck
I would keep your options open and see the girl. If your ex gets funny, let her. It was her loss, and I think her taking it badly she realises this and what she might've lost. You can't let her click her fingers and expect you to go running back.
Go on the date, but I wouldn't rule things out with the ex until you have met up. If you see each other you'll know whether those feelings return or not, which can allow you to either move on with this new person or try again with her. I think you'd be left with what ifs if you didn't at least meet up with her again.
I can sort of see why she's upset about the date, because it sounds like she didn't want to end things but she had to because of whatever was happening in her life. That probably means her feelings never went away and she feels like she might have messed up a chance to be with someone she feels could be great for her.
I don't want to sound brutal but is your ex just expecting to snap her fingers and have you trotting back? She's EX and that in effect means that you both start again- and these days that means you can see others until you decide mutually not to.
I'd still want to go on this date just so I don't let this girl down at the very least, and to also not portray the typical guys from dating apps being a knob! I'm not that kinda guy. If I'm officially with someone, that person is the only one I'd have eyes for and would not look elsewhere. As it stands, I am single and ready to mingle!
How do I explain this to the ex, without coming across as treating her 2nd best in a way??
As I see it your not actually officially going out with your Ex so she doesnt really need to know at the moment.Go on the date as planned and see how you get on. As someone as already pointed out she could be the One. I think its your own consionse that is getting the better of you at the moment. Play the field.
And don't let your Ex spoil this date either .Whilst your on this date get her out of your head otherwise it could screw things up for you, Relax and enjoy .Just see were it leads.
And one final thing. Going back with an Ex is never the same and from experience rarely works out well.
For me I would like to go on a date with a black lady. For one thing, I haven't been on a date for more than 30 years. I'm scared black ladies might turn me down due to I'm white and 61 years old.
I think you only have one choice go on the date you know how things are with you ex. Life might be better with the girl and you will have a better relationship go and find out.
I think you ruined things for yourself telling your ex about this date, she didnt need to know, and you could have done without the added guilt of her sulking putting pressure on the situation. She dumped you, remember that.
Go on the date, suss out if this girl is for you and go from there
For me I would like to go on a date with a black lady. For one thing, I haven't been on a date for more than 30 years. I'm scared black ladies might turn me down due to I'm white and 61 years old.
So I do need some help!!!!
This isn't really relevant to OP's post, but if someone turns you down because of your skin colour then I don't think they were worth talking to in the first place. Next time though I'd advise starting your own thread as to not take others off topic :)
From your post it seems your ex wasn't honest with you when you broke up. Seems like she's a blast from the past! Could she have have wind you're on the dating scene and positively moving forward? I'd be suspicious why she's has got in contact now.
I would go on the date, otherwise you may always wonder what could have been. Then once you have met the new girl you can make a informed decision about who you have the most feelings for.
I echo all that has been said and I'd go on the date. Sometimes, going back to a former relationship doesn't work as it's not the same as it was; you loved your ex back then and she says she still loves you, but things change and people change. You might meet up with your ex and find she's not what you want any more.
I also wouldn't risk heartbreak again personally, the new girl you're seeing might be the love of your life, I wouldn't want you to miss out!
I echo all that has been said and I'd go on the date. Sometimes, going back to a former relationship doesn't work as it's not the same as it was; you loved your ex back then and she says she still loves you, but things change and people change. You might meet up with your ex and find she's not what you want any more.
I also wouldn't risk heartbreak again personally, the new girl you're seeing might be the love of your life, I wouldn't want you to miss out!
This ^^ I'm not the best with words but exs are exactly that for a reason. She left you heartbroken in the past and was dishonest about her reasoning. Imho she could be being dishonest now as she's got previous. I see things potentially going bad if you re-enter things with the ex. It's experience, I had an ex who i kept going back to turns out it's the worst mistake of my life, he didn't love me he used me. I think he probably thought he did (but actions speak louder than words and his were appalling.) I thought i loved him turns out he nearly turned me off any sexual activity or relationships for life. After a few years alone without entertaining anybody I met my hubby and didn't want to get with him, it taken ages for me to finally drop the bone and i did it because i knew he's the one but didn't want to put my heart on the line.
eventually it came to the point where i knew I'd lose the best thing that ever happened to me if i didn't give it a shot and the thought of him meeting somebody else was unpleasant (although i had no right at the time.) Best decision I've ever made we've been together over a decade and the sparks more than ever.
Definitely go on the date and see what happens. As for telling your ex well she's no right to be angry after leaving you high and dry. I'd be honest as you've already mentioned it and say something of the lines "you weren't in the picture when we met and I'd explain how hard it's been for you to get to this point because of losing her, now you're at this point you owe it to yourself to see and you need to establish what if any feelings are on both sides". I wish you luck and all the best for the future 😙💖xxx