So I did that absolutely badly advised thing and facebook stalked an ex. SUCH a bad call because now I've got all these negative/troublesome feelings about everything. Now, let me clarify from the start that I've moved on romantically and have a truly WONDERFUL man and a solid relationship. I have ZERO interest in starting any drama which is why I need some advice.
Basically, this guy was my first love and we went through some really traumatic ups and downs together (I mean they could make a soap opera about that relationship). When it ended after about 2 years together, we were both devastated but he had to move to a different country which was just not going to work. Plus, when he was gone, I actually realized how much of my freedom he had slowly taken away from me. It wasn't a healthy relationship and I'm so glad to be out of it. Now, due to strange circumstances, he's stayed in contact with my parents for financial reasons so he's always kind of been around, which I've resented. That meant that even though we had promised to stay friends, there was a massive argument and we've said nothing to each other for about 3 years. So I quickly googled him, just being nosey, and it turns out he's married. I mean, all of my exes are married now (I mean ALL) so I'm used to it and that bigger part of me is like "I'm just happy he's happy" (even though there is that competitive/jealous side to the whole thing). Even so, I still feel so weird about it that no one told me. He's even still speaking to some of my best friends who have drifted away since uni and I feel a little betrayed by the whole thing. Did he not even tell my parents? Did they just not tell me???
This is all just background though because I'm wondering how to just let bygones be bygones. Obviously we've both moved on and I'm not sure what the best course of action is. Part of me thinks the best thing is to ignore it, but obviously that's really unsatisfying and there's no closure to what was a huge part of my life which has just started to bubble up and get me down. The other option is to send a message gently getting back in contact with him, which could cause issues with my current partner potentially, but on the plus side I'd have some kind of friendly end to it all.
What do you guys think? Any similar experiences? xx
Don't have a similar experience, but my advice would be to let it go. You don't want to jeopardise what you have with your partner over a relationship that ended years ago. You're clearly much happier with your current partner. I'm guessing people didn't tell you if they knew because you're either not close to them anymore or they didn't feel you would benefit from knowing, or that you would even be bothered. The past is the past and you can't change that, focus on your future.
No similar experiences I'm afraid. I think they didn't tell you because....why should they ? You 2 are no longer together. You both have moved on and now have separate lives, what he does now is of no concern to you. Equally what you do is none of his business. If I were you, I'd keep it that way, I can only see that messaging him, even in a friendly 'Hi, how are you' ? way could cause you both problems in your current relationships. Let the past go, you said it wasn't good for you then, do you really want to get caught up in grief with him again ? xx
I'm going to keep it short and sweet, I'd feel a bit betrayed too that people obviously kept something from me, but I would absolutley not just start up a conversation with an Ex years after last communication espechially if I was happily in a relationship. (I'm pretty sure my OH would be mortified if I did that). xx
It may be negative but it's not open.....it's over, it was over a long time ago. Dragging up the past will more likely open old wounds....their better left healed over xx
It may be negative but it's not open.....it's over, it was over a long time ago. Dragging up the past will more likely open old wounds....their better left healed over xx
I know you're right, but from how much it bothered me, I'm not healed over. I know he's not either. He apparently asks my mum about me regularly. I know what I have to do is ignore it, but that is just SO difficult sometimes.
I can imagine it's extremely difficult......but trust me, I'm a wise, old woman...it's for the best. If you get tangled up with him again you stand to lose your current partner and run the risk of destroying his marriage xx
Hi Bex Please move on iv had similar but not to that extent Write his name on a piece of paper and burn it then it's done. Never speak of his name or mention anything about him. Hard I know but it needs to be clear in your head the oast stays in the past
I agree with all the others. You have to let go and move on. Funny enough an ex of mine was in a bar and although we split up over 27 years ago she couldn't keep her eyes of me. Not normally one for P D A s but my Mrs wasted no time in what my ex was missing and started snogging me . I have moved on and so can you. Be happy with what you have now it's better .
I hate to say it, but I think women tend to struggle with moving on a little more. Particularly when we've nested, which I had. Possibly because society tells us traditionally that our worth is based on our ability to keep men. Total BS I know, but deeply rooted. I shall overcome!x
I had a similar experience but not to the same extent as yourself & it's still happening but vice versa. I got a text from my ex out the blue (first time since we split 11 months ago) asking how I am as I apparently walked past him with my friend. My ex struggles to move on & still hasn't but I have & seeing me with my friend (who he accused me of cheating with everyday) hit him hard.
My advice, I'd say move on, it's difficult yes but you can't eat yourself up about him not telling you he got married. You are two seperate people who shared a life but you need to focus on yourself & your life now, you are worth 110% ^_^ Like you said, you've gained back freedom you didn't realise was taken from you & it wasn't a healthy relationship, not to be nasty but it sounds like you got a lucky escape before things may have gotten worse. Freedom was the first thing I noticed when we split as he took mine 100% away and that's why I found it easier to move on.
I hope you feel better after everyones comments, much love ^_^ x
From what I've read, I get the impression it wasn't a good relationship. Let it go, his new relationship is nothing to do with you. Gosh if everybody kept up to date with every ex's life's it would be manic and certainly not health. I think you have to realise here is that you are ex's for a reason. Good luck in your new relationship. X
I`d say he asks your mom how you are because,A,He`s a nice chap,B,It`s your mom,so you are a common factor between the two of them,C,Obviosly he cares/is concerned for you due to your history,even though you are no longer together.Just don`t read things into it that aren`t there! I am in Facebook contact with ex`s from my childhood(I`m 52!) but it`s just that i am interested and care how they`re doing...nothing more.
I'm going to keep it short and sweet, I'd feel a bit betrayed too that people obviously kept something from me, but I would absolutley not just start up a conversation with an Ex years after last communication espechially if I was happily in a relationship. (I'm pretty sure my OH would be mortified if I did that). xx
+1
Totally agree, you'll feel worse for opening it all up again and it could make your OH feel really bad. The only thing I'd say is if the financial thing with your parents is up, perhaps ask if they still need to see him as you really want him out your life? May seem harsh if they are friends, but I'd be a bit miffed if she folkes stayed friends with someone who was bad for me.
Part of me is saying leave it well alone, because it ended badly. But that relationship ended years ago and I'm sure he would have moved on. So just a friendly question. "Hi, How are things with you?" Wouldn't hurt.
I finished with my ex many years ago and we met up on FB again a few years back, old wounds had healed and we are both married to someone else now. We have never met up, but are FB friends and often chat from time to time.