doing it wrong?

I just bought my first vibrator. I spent 5-10 mins trying it out but it didn't really do anything for me. I tried turning it around to see if it was better from a different angle but it just didn't turn me on. I got bored very quickly.

Am I doing something wrong or is there something wrong with me? I've never been turned on by sex either and I've had a healthy number of partners. Again, I just lie there feeling bored till they're done. The only thing that works for me is masturbation which I love but even then I don't orgasm.

My advice is find out what turns you on mentally and go from there. Are you thinking of anything in particular when you masturbate? You're not going to get far physically if your head isn't in the game with you. Good luck! X

I struggle to orgasm too, I have toys that definitely work well for me but my head can easily block my orgasm and that's really frustrating!

If I'm alone then I like to watch porn or read stories on Literotica and I don't touch myself until I'm super horny and then 9/10 I will pick a toy but sometimes just use my hand knowing that I'm so wet and ready to cum that my mind has done most of the work before my body has to.

What toy have you bought? - can you post the link to it?

I find that unless the toy is powerful enough then I can't orgasm with it anyway xx

Thanks for the replies.

PandaAdore I'm usually thinking how much I'm enjoying the physical sensations but wishing I could actually orgasm.

Gem276 I'm sorry you struggle too but it is a relief to know it's not just me. I like to read stories on the laptop but I sit on the floor to use the laptop and I was worried about the vibrations going through the floor to the flat below so I used the vibrator in bed.

It's this one http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=24785

alone4ever I have more fun with women, it's always been more mutual with women but the men all used me as a blow up doll yes. No foreplay, affection or love. The people I fall in love with never want a relationship with me. I've never got into a relationship with someone I wasn't atracted to but the attraction fades very quickly.

I have done some exploring but I don't like putting my fingers inside myself because I'm a bit funny about having dirty hands. I've thought about disposable gloves but that just seems weird, even for me. I do fantasise about people but it tends to be romantic conversations, not sex.

I don't know about sex being something I shouldn't enjoy but I was brought up to believe masturbation was disgusting and wrong... but I loved it, right from a child. My parents used to hit me whenever they caught me but I never stopped, I just got better at not being caught. They said I should only have sex with men (and only men) I loved but that's not really realistic nowadays. So maybe there's something going on in my head that stops me from enjoying sex.

I don't know if I'm happy without sex or not. I don't miss the blow up doll treatment. I've given up on romance because it never happens and it seems much less complicated to make my own fun but the sessions always end in disappointment.

That toy would never make me achieve an orgasm I'm afraid. Personally I would recommend http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22189, http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32674 or as an investment piece http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28657. I would use whatever you need to to turn yourself on (reading/ porn/ fantasising about scenarios) and then just really take your time! Even with the toys it can still take me ages! Just trust that they will work and carry on until you're on the brink of orgasm and allow your head to fantasise about whoever or whatever that does it for you!

Knowing that your child masturbates can feel uncomfortable as a parent but in no way shape or form does that make it wrong, the fact remains that it feels nice.

Im sorry that you have had such terrible experiences with men, you have obviously not met the right person yet. Call me old fashioned but I believe that if you hold back a bit sexually (if you're looking for a relationship) and really get to know a person then you can work out whether they are worth trusting them with your body too, in my experience caring people make better lovers. I might add that this advice isn't what I have always followed either but my experience has also taught me this.

I just tried using it as a clitoral stimulator... oh my goodness!

I don't know if I achieved orgasm but it was really good. Usually every movement I make is a conscious effort, a decision, but this was more like a reaction that seemed to happen on its own. I think that's more like what it should be?

Gem276 and alone4ever I tried tanfasising like you both suggested, I pretended it was an actor I like, have to say he was the best I've ever had by far which is probably sad in a way but at least I had a good time. I imagined him saying stuff too, I didn't mean to, it just kind of happened

I've been trying to get to know people first but the trouble is I go off them before we reach the sex stage. I haven't even been on a date for about 5 years, I don't want to lead anyone on. I would definitely consider a girlfriend. I have only ever had one and she definitely wasn't a princess but I had more fun with her than with the men.

Thanks for all the encouragment, it's the first time I've ever had a proper conversation about this. Here's to some happy 'shoe-shopping'!

I don't know how to meet women but I wrote a thread in off-topic so maybe I'll get some ideas. I would say that 80% of the people I'm attracted to are female but I only ever fall in love with men - but when I say fall in love, I mean I fall in love at first sight from afar.

Thanks, I will try to have fun. I've got my new toy if nothing else.

Is your name pronounced the same way as mine? Aleesha?

Lots of people misspell my name as Alicia (among other things), but I've never known an Alicia who pronounces it like that. They're either Al i sea or A-liss-ya.

A lot of people seem to think that bis are twice as likely to cheat because there are theoretically twice as many people we could cheat with. There are more to choose from in theory but that doesn't necessarily mean a larger number of people we find attractive - or even if it does, it doesn't mean we're more likely to cheat. People who cheat are people who can't resist temptation, not people who have more temptations. It's like when people think gay men fancy all men.

I'm struggling a bit with the toy. I'm getting the constant urge to play with it and it's so hard to resist but it doesn't satisfy me. It just gets me more frustrated. Sometimes all I can think about is that toy. I hate this feeling.

Can you buy a different one? LH RULES will mean you can return this one as it doesn't do anything for you xx

AlishaY wrote:

...

I'm struggling a bit with the toy. I'm getting the constant urge to play with it and it's so hard to resist but it doesn't satisfy me. It just gets me more frustrated. ....

That's most probably the toy's fault. I don't have it myself, but I had another of the really cheap LH toys and sent it back immediately, it was so awful. Unfortunately, in most cases you do get what you pay for, and really good sex toys are expensive.

You might want to search the forum (and elsewhere) for "rumbly" vibrations, they generally feel better than the buzzing ones of cheap small toys (a certain size is needed to accommodate a powerful motor and at least two AAA batteries - I haven't yet met a single toy with fewer/smaller batteries that had really strong vibrations). In many cases rechargeable toys are more powerful than battery-operated ones, but that's not always guaranteed.