Hi all, after some thoughts on this. Despite being married for quite a while, complete with kids and all that stuff that mean the world to me, I quote often think back to sexy times I had with my previous partner when I'm having some "alone time". I'm happy with my current situation, but the one thing my wife doesn't enjoy is giving or receiving oral, and my ex was amazing at that. Is it wrong to look back at those times and think about them (and, between you lot and me, watch a video of me and my ex doing stuff that the wife doesn't know exists) when sorting myself out? I feel pretty shit about it, but really miss the blow jobs and going down on my other half...
I think you're absolutely fine, right up until the video. 🙂 I think that may get you into a real shit show when that gets discovered. In fact, you're probably best just getting rid of that now.
But I'd say anything mental/imagination/memory is yours. Though you might not want to openly share what you're thinking about if you think your wife would react badly. There's no need to over-share if it's going to upset people.
Ok so she is your ex for a reason. I understand you enjoy oral sex and your wife doesn't like to do this for you. Have you tried talking to her? Saying how much you would love it if she would give you oral, and asking what she would like you to do for her. She might be missing oral sex or want to do bondage, or something.
Bin the video seriously, it's the past. Your own happy memories are fine but the video is too far. How do you think your wife would feel if she came home to find you enjoying yourself while watching the video. If you were her how would you feel.
This is just my opinion but you did ask what people thought, sorry if I sound harsh.
No it's fine, that's exactly why I asked. The vid is very occasional but maybe it's time to ditch it, yeah. We've talked about the whole oral thing but if she doesn't like it I'm not going to insist on it.
What about an oral simulator, or a male masterbator that she could use on you? Something a bit different, making new great memories of a different type?
EyeAy, I don't think it's wrong if you remember and keep good memories for your exes as you can't really control what's in your mind and fantasies are fantasies, everyone has them and in my opinion I don't think it's wrong.
But the video, that's another thing and you deep inside you know that because you feel shit about it. However, I don't know what to tell you exactly regarding this special thing because I'm guilt of doing the same and I also feel really guilty about it. I know I should get rid of it and it my hubby ever gets my phone and find that, plus the pictures and specially the chats, I'll be in a lot of trouble. I know it's bad and even though I consider myself not a bad person, fair, honest, hard-working, reliable, etc, etc... I just can't help it. Sorry for over-sharing and highjacking your post.
It's making me proper nervous just reading these. 🙂 I don't want to yuk a yum if the secrecy is something you find sexy, but geez, what a time bomb.
This would end a relationship for me, I wouldn’t be absolutely devastated and gutted and couldn’t get past that. Could you not watch porn instead? I know not every women like their partners watching porn but to me that would be more redeemable than the current scenario. Would she not watch something like that with you? Could you not like others said try talking to her?
That was meant to say I would be absolutely devastated not wouldn’t
I agree, I'd much rather a guy watch porn than a video of someone they used to be with. I would feel betrayed like I wasn't good enough, probs the same with memories.. I would keep that one quiet! I would much rather not know any of it, as long as thoughts didn't turning actions 👍
You got to get rid of the video not healthy for your relationship you need to move on and by keeping it you will never move on. When i split from my Ex i had a terrible time getting over it, no one could pull me out of the thick mud, in the end i had to get rid of everything videos pictures underwear anything that that had anything to do with her. She is still very special to me even though i have not seen her for 19-20 years and for a good reason she just wasn't a Ex it was more than being with someone plus the things we did we did together and thats where my kinks come from so yes the memories are still there, its fine to think about them.
All fair points, thank you all. Video is gone, I suppose it was my way of dealing with the fact I miss that one act, but what you've all said has made me realise it's not the way to go. Thank you all for the candid and honest replies, it was exactly what I needed to hear, it's obviously not something I've been able to discuss before. I feel embarrassed about this whole thing, I'd happily let this discussion fade into obscurity now unless anyone else has any thoughts they want to share. Thank you all, genuinely.