I am looking to take my wife away for a few days, we have had a bad year with her being ill (all is well now thankfully) and financial worries as she wasn't at work (all is well with that now as well), and I want her to explore what she likes. Her ex-husband was phsically and mental abusive towards her and I want her to enjoy sex as much as possible.
So my question is what sort of things should I get for her to have a play around with that won't make it seem like I'm dictating to her what I want?
I've spoken to her about it and she doesn't know as she was never allowed to explore her wants.
Hi Scion - what a wonderful and thoughtful guy. Your OH is so lucky.
I would advise against buying your wife any toys such as dildos or vibrators - as a woman I find that to be a very personal thing, a bit like buying shoes - you have to have the right "fit" and what you like. Imagine if you came home and she whiped out a huge butt plug for you!
I would start small with maybe some nice fragrant massage oils, maybe feather stroker even, to discover what touches and sensations you both like. Also maybe one of the card games like Monogamy so that you can have a light-hearted discussion about what you would both like to explore.
Sitting down together at the PC or laptop one evening with a nice wee glass of wine and have a look at the LoveHoney pages - find somehting togther you both fancy trying.
If you want to splash out a bit, I would say go as far as something like a nice robe or a simple pretty chemise.
I would advise against buying your wife any toys such as dildos or vibrators - as a woman I find that to be a very personal thing [...] maybe one of the card games like Monogamy so that you can have a light-hearted discussion about what you would both like to explore.
I completely agree with this. Give her time and allow her to lead when and where she's comfortable. Discuss, discuss, discuss. I think the sexiest things in the world are words. Before you travel down new avenues with toys, I recommend using words to open those avenues first.
Hi Scion. I was previously in a controlling relationship so kinda understand how your OH feels. It took a while for my self confidence to start building but my new partner has boosted my confidence no end and it feels amazing! So I suggest you build on that, tell her how wonderful she is, how beatiful she is, how amazing SHE makes YOU feel. Compliment her in and out the bedroom. Like some of the others have said take it slow, massage oils, sexy lingerie ect. When she feels good about herself she will open up.
Good luck and hope you both have a very naughty few days away!
Sorry to hear you've both had a rough time of it, glad everything is sorted out now and that your wife is better. What a lovely thing to do for her!
I would agree with everything said here already - avoid buying her sex toys for now (unless you know there is something in particular she wants), browse lovehoney together. This helped me and my OH talk about things we had been too shy to bring up previously.
If you want to buy something as a surprise, I don't think you can go wrong with some nice massage oils, candles, rose petals scattered on the bed and her favourite tipple on ice...keep it romantic rather than sexual until you have a better idea of what she would like to try, this way she won't feel pressured.
I would strongly recommend the Monogamy game though. It has three levels, intimate, passionate and steamy. The game can last as long as you want. Its the best thing I ever bought and its perfect for initiating conversations about things you'd / she'd like to try. There are also 50 fantasy cards, maybe get her to choose some she likes the sound of but might be too shy to bring up in conversation. They certainly helped me discuss what I wanted to try with my OH. It's perfect for a bit of fun on a weekend away and its a giggle too.
I wish you luck and hope you have a great time away! x
I am looking to take my wife away for a few days, we have had a bad year with her being ill (all is well now thankfully) and financial worries as she wasn't at work (all is well with that now as well), and I want her to explore what she likes. Her ex-husband was phsically and mental abusive towards her and I want her to enjoy sex as much as possible.
So my question is what sort of things should I get for her to have a play around with that won't make it seem like I'm dictating to her what I want?
I've spoken to her about it and she doesn't know as she was never allowed to explore her wants.
Help please !!
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you've been through the wars but delighted to hear things have improved and that you're making such an effort to spoil your wife!
Quite short notice but have you considered taking her to Erotica next weekend? You could wander round the stalls together and explore all different aspects of sexuality in a friendly, open enviroment.
I can understand your wife's diffculty in terms of not really know what she wants. I remember when my OH and I first got together and he would ask me what I wanted in bed and I wouldn't know what to say....I'd previously only been with women, had never orgasmed (I'd only been interested in giving not recieveing pleasure), I'd never watched porn and never masturbated. Being presented with the opportunity to have and do anything I wanted was actually quite intimidating! Needless to say I came along in leaps and bounds but unfortunately there wasn't one magic thing that helped, it was a combination of:
- my partner being very patient
- watching porn together (and eventually on my own)
- reading erotica
- trial and error (luckily I have quite a good sense of humor so I didn't mind giving things a go and just laughing it off if they didn't quite work!)
- talking....lots and lots of talking about sex. Just throwing ideas around that we'd heard others had done and enjoyed, things that we'd seen in films (Thank god for Secretary or I might not have discovered the joys of spanking!). I think talking was probably the most important part as it was how I learned that there was nothing I could say or ask for that would make my partner laugh at me or judge me, it was extremely liberating.
Hope some of this helps! I wish you both lots of luck! External Media
You kind ladies don't know me from Adam and you have been helpful and supportive. I was uneasy about posting as I thought I'd be setting myself up for a fall but this hasn't been the case at all.
A very big thank you to all.
Any more ideas are greatly welcome as the one's I have recieved have been fantastic. If I get stuck in the future I know where I'll be coming (no pun intended).
Hey Scion, it is lovely to meet you, and I agree that your wife is very lucky to find someone who is (true, we might not know you, but the OA is a pretty friendly place!) so supportive.
I agree with all the advice given here: discussing a toy with her before buying it is the best idea (online or browsing the catalogue, as Carly suggested), not only because it is likely to be unthreatening if she has yet to explore this kind of thing, but also because it will probably be good in a relationship-bonding kind of way. You (and probably her!) might learn something new about her interests, and both be involved in the fun.
Again, it's probably an obvious thing, but if you think she may feel threatened because of her past, it's likely to be best to steer away from anything that hints at bondage or restraint, unless she's specifically shown an interest in this. From the lingerie side, something that mirrors her normal wear (but a sexier or naughtier version) is far less likely to feed any potential fears that someone else is trying to press their desires on her/ change her look. Perhaps I'm overemphasising this a bit, and thankfully have never been in such a situation, but this is the only thing that came to mind!
Best of luck to you both - have fun experimenting :)
Scion, to reiterate what others have said, well done for being such a supportive partner! As others have said (and I'm sure you agree) taking things slow is key! Also Carly's suggestion of browsing together is a good idea!! I would also say, for a first toy, perhaps focus on pleasure for her? That way you won't give the impression of "dictating"? Perhaps look at massagers to make it more about general pleasure than sex, start with a lovely massage and work up to sexual vibrations?
Take care with how you speak to her, but it sounds like you have a pretty open relationship so that shouldn't be a problem
After you're great advice and being a little more persistant with getting her to open up things are moving in the right direction for both of us. She has even expressed an interest in exploring her bi-curious side with a woman I work with. School girl uniforms here we come
Any advice about that?
I just want to say again thank you for being so helpful.
I know, my only concern now is how that would work? The woman I work with knows my wife and always asks after her, she has even started texting her about going out sometime.
Obviously you have to go with what you both feel comfortable with as a couple. The best thing to do is talk it through with your other half, decide how far you both can comfortabley let this go before its crossing any lines that could hurt one or both of you.
If you did decide to bring toys into the bedroom btw, massager vibrators are great as they can be just as pleasurable on the shoulders as anywhere else plus one thing can lead to another... Tracey Cox Supersex Massager is great or the new Philips range looks good X
