Hi sorry I’ve not been on for a while but life has been tough for a few months - with one thing or another. Home schooling , wife losing her job and working 6 days a week are taking there toll . My wife doesn’t know I come on here and would go crazy at me if she knew - but I miss and need my lovehoney friends so much . My new best friends are Mr Whiskey and Mr Strongbow and Mr Old Holborn in large measures . For the first time in ages I managed to be sick through drinking too much which really pissed the wife off - but I can’t stop myself when I start drinking and 99 times out of 100 I’m fine. Also after 13 years of no sexual activity I’m really getting pissed off . I’m starting to want to have sex with every woman I come into contact with - I was 38 when forced to stop having sex and I’m 51 now and feel my best years are gone . As I’ve said in the past I cannot leave - but is it so wrong to want to be desired and wanted? I drink and smoke to blot the pain - I’ve never really been wanted- I was adopted because my mum was young and dumped me and my dad walked out when I was 5 so I’ve always felt unwanted. Life really seems to suck at the moment and I miss my lovehoney friends xxx
Yes, edited by mod. I’d recommend focusing on sex toys and the feelings, sensation and energy in your own body without thinking of someone else, find out how you can make yourself happy.
It’s very natural to want to be needed and wanted, it’s basic human interaction, especially if you’re in a relationship. I did wonder where you’d been. I definitely think you need to cut back on the drink, but i think you know that. I am guessing your OH may be quite depressed at losing her job, and the extra pressure on you is depressing you. You didn’t say why you were “forced” to stop having sex? You definitely need an honest and open discussion with your OH. Take care my friend, and know we are here for you.
So sorry to hear things are so rough at the moment, sending hugs.
Of course the best years of your life aren’t gone! We all struggle with these thoughts, but 51 is not any age, don’t be silly.
Life is what you make it, so (pandemic aside) you can make changes to make yourself happier. Instead of looking back and worrying about what you think you’ve lost, look to the future and make plans to do things or make changes that make you happy.
Have you considered talking to someone about this? This is a horrible thing to feel - I had a friend with a very similar past to you who nearly destroyed himself because of it. His deep set belief that he was unwanted stopped him seeing and believing when he was wanted despite all the evidence and he essentially imploded his own life and ruined friendships and relationships because of it.
A therapist might be able to help you work through this? You shouldn’t be having to blot out the pain with things that damage your body, it’s okay to not want to feel the pain but the only way to stop it permanently is to get help and deal with the issue. You cannot waste the rest of your life hating yourself that way, life is too short and you deserve to be happy.
Please please look after yourself and be kind to yourself while things are so rough xxx
I’m sorry I don’t know the history of what you’re talking about so am uncertain whether the lack of sex is down to medical reasons for your wife or something else. If there is a physical reason behind them then I think you need to talk to her and hope she is open to you exploring with toys to satisfy your needs, ideally with her in some way involved.
It is very natural to desire to be wanted and desired. It is human nature but expressing this without accusations in an open and certainly sober situation is probably the way to go. Stress levels are obviously high at the moment and home schooling and losing her job would have had a horrible impact on your wife’s mental well-being as well as raising the pressure on you to provide for your family.
Drinking in order to blot out the pain is never good though and certainly 99 times out of 100 is not actually fine and will make you feel much worse in the long run. It sounds like you have feelings of rejection, that were not your fault, stemming from a very early point in your life so I think it would be worth talking to your GP to see if you could be referred to councilling to help you deal with these things rather than turning to alcohol.
Wow @woodstock2 I feel your pain…I really do.
No it isn’t wrong to want closeness…love and affection…to be desired and feel needed.
Please don’t turn to drinking you deserve way way more than that…
After 13 years whatever the problem is…it isn’t going to go away. You need a good talk.
We’re here for you…all your lovehoney friends.
From your post, I think you’re aware of the things you should and shouldn’t do/be doing so I’m not going to go into that. However, I do hope you have a calm discussion with your OH just to express your frustrations. We all have needs and we all have the desire for them to be met.
Just know that you’re always wanted over here on the forum and I hope it can be some form of escape for you where you can become involved.
Sorry to hear you’re struggling @woodstock2. Please don’t feel that it is wrong to feel you need to be desired and wanted, it is a basic human need in my opinion.
You don’t say why you were forced to stop having sex? And you said you can’t leave, if you don’t mind me asking, why did you said “can’t”? - “Can’t” sounds very different to “I don’t want to” although you might not have meant it this way and I am probably reading too much into things.
What is the rest of your relationship like? Are you able to be intimate in other ways like cuddling and kissing or not at all? Do you have a good relationship outside of the bedroom? Share good times together, support each other, enjoy hobbies and interests together?
I wonder if counselling is something you have considered, either as a couple or as an individual? It sounds like you could benefit from talking about your childhood and maybe getting some help with your drinking before it gets out of control.
It sounds like you are stuck in a very difficult situation and something needs to change. I would definitely recommend talking to your wife and maybe thinking about getting some professional advice.
Sending you hugs 
I really hope you find a way forward.
You sound very depressed (I say this as a person with quite sever clinical depression, it’s nothing to be ashamed of). Self medicating with booze and smoking are fairly worrying because it’s easy to spiral and booze can worsen depression in the long run. I strongly recommend talking to your doctor.
Hey hun
Thought I’d not seen you for a while.
I’ve not seen anyone I know or spoke to anyone face to face for over a month. I don’t drink for the same reasons but my trouble with drinking is I just like the taste too much. All I drink are tea, rum and beer. Feeling not great in the morning I decided to quit the booze for a couple of days.
The problem with giving up drinking was waking up in the morning, feeling just as bad and realising it it’s not the drink
I met the most beautiful person in my life at 49. We were together well past 51 and if I wasn’t such a dumbass we would still be together now. These were the best years of my life…
… so far.
Age is just a number, the best years of anyone’s life are the ones still to come.
Hi thanks for all your kind words. I think the drink made me vent all my feelings - I feel a bit silly now - but I realise I need to cut back on drinking and stop smoking . I’ve been on many anti depressants for 25 years or so . When I drink I feel really good and confident but as @Melody1 - I like the taste and get totally carried away. My wife is a good person and I love her so I do feel bad about moaning about her now that I’m sober .
I don’t get loads of free time at the moment but will attempt to keep popping in to say hello and comment if I think I can be of help to anybody xxxx
Hey @woodstock2 it’s ok…we all need to vent sometimes…you’re only human
This covid and lockdown and restrictions have made day to day struggles even worse for us all.
Of course you can help…stay around…we’ve missed you.
You’re not alone in your situation…believe me.
Hugs
Stick around mate, take part in the discussions and games, it can help take your mind off everday shite, trust me it works. Any support we can offer, within the limitations of the forum is at your disposal. 
So sorry, I really feel for you @woodstock2. The last 10 years have been really tough for me too 
Thanks for your kind words. Not had a drink for 8 days now - but actually feel more miserable without it . May have a small whisky later as I have a toothache.
I enjoy coming on here - but lack of sexual experience plus not very good at putting my thoughts into words mean I’m not brilliant at giving advice - but I can send hugs and kisses and say supportive things xxx
Hey @woodstock2 you have lots to say mate…keep popping on.
We all have different experiences to discuss…we’re all a small piece but when we come together we make the picture bigger.
Helps us all to get support and kindness from one another.
You don’t need to give advice, just join in with us, you have decent musical taste, you can join the music topics. Hope your tooth feels better after the drink.