Hi All, Following on from the thread by @glitterismyfavouritecolour about porn / cam sites and with the suggestion from @Ian_Chimp and conversation with @Iwill, I’m starting a new thread about how people feel about using this site (or anything else) if their partners don’t know about it.
For people who haven’t seen the original conversation, @Iwill and I were saying that we use this site to talk to you all but our OHs don’t know about it. Personally I don’t know if what I’m doing is ok or not. I keep clearing my internet history and I feel rather guilty about it but on the other hand this forum is really helping our sex lives. I’m much more confident, less selfconcious and my OH has commented that he is enjoying things more too. What are people’s thoughts?
I don’t think conversations on here are anything to worry about…if you only post what you are comfortable with and not discussing your partner and sex life…(or lack of it)…without their knowledge.
But again everyone is different and is entitled to their own opinions…
I won’t play some of the games or answer some of the posts because I don’t want to be recognized from the replies or sometimes I feel they are too personal for me.
I won’t post much in the photos category again for the same reasons.
These reasons are purely for myself not for a partner.
My OH knows all about the forum and we openly talk about it regularly. He knows the usernames of other members as sometimes we discuss what I’ve read, and I even asked him which photos I should post today. However, I have shown him the forum before rather than just spoken about it and he’s aware of the workings and the level of chat we all have. Maybe he wouldn’t be so relaxed about it if he wasn’t aware of how it’s moderated and that there are boundaries to discussion. Maybe if there was a 1:1 private chat he’d also think differently. But because he’s aware, he understands and is totally cool with it.
It worries me a little that you say you feel guilty and have to clear your browser, and this indicates you believe you’re doing wrong? I haven’t read the previous discussion so apologies if I’m misinterpreting. Would your OH not enjoy the forum if you were to introduce it? And maybe look at the reasons why you feel that guilt… is it the nature of conversation? Are messages too explicit? Is it embarrassment of some sort? Are you worried about your OH’s reaction?
I’m glad the forum has helped your sex life, I’m sure a lot of us can say the same. I hope your worries ease soon and you can find further comfort around here
On the one hand, sexy chats aren’t allowed here. The forum is a place to get advice and discuss topics around sexual happiness (plus the off topic things that occur within any community). In that sense, it isn’t a whole lot different from a fandom or a local group or whatever.
However, sex is an intimate subject and not everyone is comfortable with the details of their relationship being made public, even if the purpose is to benefit that relationship.
Ultimately, there is nothing inherently wrong with being part of a forum that discusses sex. However, that doesn’t mean that someone has to be comfortable about their partner sharing on the forum. Especially if you are hiding the fact from your partner.
You are the one that knows your partner. The best generic advice is always going to be talk to them.
@Kinky-Bhoy, @Goth_Girl, @For_Your_Eyes_Only_x I don’t think he’d approve if I’m honest. We aren’t very open about sex (working on it), we are about everything else though.
@CurvyJilly My thoughts are similar to yours, I don’t post photos as that is definitely beyond what I’m comfortable with. I think I probably shared more than I should have done at the beginning. I’m now wondering if it’s possible to remove posts that I regret?
I’m thinking that, for the time being, I will try to think about what I’m sharing before I do it. If I’m still not comfortable then I might have to say goodbye
I don’t see the LH forum as something to feel guilty about. We rhyme, we count, post pictures of our shoes and our dogs and if we feel that way inclined share knowledge of sex toys and sexy experiences and pictures of lingerie. It is one of the most open, fun and friendly forums I know and sympathetic moderation generally ensures it stays that way
Mr John is aware but doesn’t ask. I do however show him pics before I upload. He says its my body and I can post anything I like. But I prefer to show him and get his approval.
I dont feel guilty about anything I post. In real life we are both open about what we find attractive in others. If he asked me if a customer I am working with is good looking I ll say (I’m in a very male dominated industry). So me commenting on others pics wouldn’t offend him.
There’s a bit about general forum anonymity in Forum Anonymity that people may find useful.
And you can delete posts. Just use the dustbin icon at the bottom of the post you want to trash, and it’ll become ‘withdrawn’ and will disappear from view in 24 hours (you can change your mind too, and unbin it in a similar way within that 24 hours).
To quote a post like above just long-press on the timestamp in the top right of the post you want to quote and tap ‘copy link address’. Then just paste that into your reply editor (on a line all by itself) along with your message and the forum will format the rest.
There are a few more tips in the How-To you might find interesting too.
Mrs Chimp knows that I spend a considerable amount of time on here, and she’s fine with it. She doesn’t read any of it, but she knows the sort of things I chat about and she’s had no qualms so far. I read out lots of stuff too, and we talk about it ‘off-screen’. I think we’ve benefited a great deal from all the things I’ve read on here.
I think one of the great things about this site is that it’s about exchanging tips and advice, and not about making each other horny. I think that makes it a much safer place for people to hang out, as it’s not filled with wank-chat and ‘phwoar’.
Thanks @Calie. I know the best thing to do would be to talk about it but I’m worried he’d react badly (maybe that answers my original question)
@Melody1 I totally agree with you! But I also need to consider his feelings about it too. I never thought it might be wrong when I started - I just thought exactly what you said in your post, but now I’m starting to think more about how he would feel
@Mrs.John It sounds like you have a great relationship, that’s what I would ultimately like - to be open and honest with each other about sex
My husband knows my username and that I use the forum, he is entirely capable of seeing what I write. In the three years I’ve been here, I don’t honestly think he ever has checked out the forum.
As you said yourself, I think my husband is just delighted that I take more of an interest in sex. I appreciate it might be difficult if you don’t discuss sex stuff, but if you are planning on hanging around, surely the problem will only get worse the longer you leave it.
My OH is fully aware that I use this forum and has no problem with it. He’s not particularly interested in reading my posts but knows I do post. Same goes for the photos, as far as he’s concerned it’s my body and I’m perfectly free to uploads pics anywhere I like as is he should he wish to do so.
I have been on the forum for at least 10 years, the last year i have participated more due to the mix of lockdown and the lovely people that post. Initially i didn’t reveal too much about our situation, but as some of my experiences could help others i have revealed more, but only what i’m comfortable with. My OH knows i post here, and how much i buy from here, but she has very little interest in social media. I don’t know if we are unusual as couples go, but we know each others phone and card pins. So if either of us wanted to check up we could. I have the shortcut on my phone, so if she tapped it, she could see exactly what i post. I have no desire to check her phone, and if she wanted to check mine, i would be fine with it. I reveal plenty about myself, but all i reveal about my OH really is her health problems, with a view to helping others in similar situations. Ultimately it’s a sex forum, so conversations will reflect that.
Maybe I should have been open at the start , but doubted OH would approve.
I have always been the driving force in our sex lives and just wanted fresh inspiration as I felt I was becoming stale…its just left me thinking and unsure about honesty now.
