I must admit that I have also wondered whether some of my posts / comments might be inappropriate… But that’s probably just me overthinking things.
However, I only ever post about my personal activities not about our love life. I NEVER say anything uncomplimentary about my gorgeous wife - here or in real life (there’s nothing uncomplimentary to say) and hopefully there is nothing on here to identify me. I’m not ashamed of enjoying making love or masturbating but I wouldn’t want that to spill over to Facebook or other places.
My OH used to be a forum regular in here before I’d even met her. I was busy frequenting the forum on another site. I’ve read her old posts and found them interesting rather than concerning in any way, even though this was back in the day when there was much more personal interaction on here (friends lists, messaging, gift lists etc) and it was possible to share much more private info. These days I do all the shopping and I doubt she’s even aware the forums have changed.
Whether on here or elsewhere I’ve always stuck to the same rule. I never post anything I wouldn’t be happy with her reading.
For those whose OH’s don’t know I’d recommend considering showing them the forums for two reasons. It can be a great way to start conversations and share desires/ideas and it’ll also take away any stress or worry about them accidentally stumbling on what you’ve posted. Deleting browsing histories is all well and good but have you ever thought they might worry you’re up to something else if they know you’re doing so regularly? There isn’t a person on the planet who’s ever cheated on someone who isn’t a die hard history deleter and that’s far worse for them to think than the fact you’re posting harmless stuff on here.
I joined in March 2018, and the friends list were quite benign by the time I arrived on the scene. They’d taken the private messaging away before I got here though, and without that friends lists had almost no function left.
Gifting was good though (I think they may even be trying to bring that back). And that generally stayed on the friendly side too. More a gift to cheer someone up or say thank you than an ‘I’m thinking about you playing with this ’ sort of thing.
Anyone fancy a nostalgic look at gifting?
If they brought gifting back, would that make people feel differently about hanging out here?
(Gifting was a thing where you could anonymously buy another member anything from the Lovehoney site as long as they had a public wishlist. So sometimes you’d just get a mystery Tuesday dildo for no reason, and wonder if you’d started ordering things in your sleep. Often people would come on the I Got a Prezzie! thread and say they’d got something, and then the sender would reveal themselves too. It was quite fun, even if you were just on the sidelines. )
I thought gifting could come across as creepy, but in hindsight think if it was something from a wishlist it could be a nice sign of appreciation if a member has given good advice or helped you out in some way.
Just had a look at the old gifting thread @Ian_Chimp. People are so lovely to do this!
Just found a brilliant quote but I can’t seem to include it as a quote so I’ve copied and pasted:
“As usual, don’t open a mystery parcel in front of your gran unless you are like minded individuals and she is of stable constitution”
Definitely worth bearing that in mind!
Personally I’d say I wouldn’t want someone to send me anything, it would probably make me feel a bit uncomfortable but it’s a lovely option for people who would appreciate it. I’m sure it’s something that could be opted in or out of since there is no requirement to share wishlists on the forum.
I know the OH had a few gifts in her time. I also know there was a bit of u wanted attention being shown to some a decade or so ago, hence the PM facility eventually bit the dust. In some ways a shame. It’s easy enough to block another user on any platform but I suspect the site didn’t want to go down the route of being a contact site- there’s enough of them around. I like the idea of gifting but without any means to engage with others on a more 1-2-1 level I suspect it wouldn’t be widely used. I used to like the photo competitions (was actually in a ‘model of the month’ winning shot once long ago) but like anything what was supposed to be a nice idea went sour due to people claiming it was rigged and the same folk always won. Cant please everyone I guess…
Secrets when it comes to personal intimacy between partners is fraught with danger, regardless of whether they are online or in real life.
Mrs Sen and I often read the threads / comments on here (we were this morning discussing the one about online chat rooms already mentioned), now I don’t always tell her or discuss all my posts, as they are my communications, but I don’t hide them either and I don’t post anything that I feel would upset her, or cross some boundary.
Only you know the nature of your relationship and its boundaries, but like in real life, you shouldn’t do or say anything in private that you wouldn’t want your partner to be fully aware of
The Your Photos category is a great replacement though. Admittedly there’s no prizes, but I think it being just for fun is even better.
The gifting wasn’t just for the forum, you could share a wishlist/profile with people you knew too (and I think cam girls used them a bit), so may be secretly more popular than you think? Unless you just meant forum-wise, and then you’re probably right.
@Smultron bought us a few things (including a maid’s outfit ), and Mrs Chimp was a bit baffled by the whole thing at first, but she still kept it.
What if you were to casually bring up the forum in a conversation, like shown them a post that you think will really interest them and read it to them. Just see how intrigued they are.
You can inform them that it’s just the place where you buy your toys and lingerie from - there’s a forum where people can get advice on all things sex, or get feedback on toys to see what to buy.
I reckon they would either be interested and want to check it out, or not that fussed and leave you to it.
Don’t need to make a big deal out of it, because it really isn’t.
But feeling the need to delete browser history is just causing big problems when it’s not needed, will only make things worse.
If it’s improving their sex lives too, they shouldn’t mind too much.
I am very open on here, because I feel I can be.
When posting comments or pictures I would never say anything that I know my hubby wouldn’t be happy with.
I think it’s quite a friendly place, and it comes across like that from the get go. If anyone spends 10 minutes browsing the topics they can see that it’s all open and above board. So I wouldn’t say that it’s the worst place to be visiting solo. But if its a ‘delete history’ kind of fear then that’s worth exploring.
If someone is looking for tips for their own sexual happiness, and they don’t feel that they can include their partner in that, then they still need the info, and this is the best place to get it. So I wouldn’t say it’s clear cut.
I think it’s probably more about what you share, and how you interact with other members. Mrs Chimp is at best indifferent to the Lovehoney Forum (big fan of the testers though ), but I know she’s fine with how much I share about us. She’s more involved with the reviews, and so I know how much detail she’s willing to go into. And she likes that our experiences can help other people find a bit of the same zhoosh we did.
My OH and I have fairly separate lives, with separate friends with different forms of communication. He talks so intimately with his online peers, perhaps knows him better than I.
Now, I find online forums a huge help and connection to people you wouldn’t normally have in regular circumstances and if it’s helping - use it.
As for porn, I’m a huge advocate in watching even more, self care. People get fiesty and tense without that relief! My husband and I will go at each other’s throats if there’s no sex or porn, so you best your ass something is going down, and why not help a small time actor make it big
Definitely feel the same way about the whole separate lives thing. I come on here to chat to others. And I use other sites too and message others through social media just coz we are so apart. Just like chatting to others. And sex obviously.
I’d say using the lovehoney forum is totally different compared to other sites as this is an open community for mature conversations about all sorts and support plus all members are in ways anonymous so nothing goes any further than the thread discussions. In ways it’s like online counselling or therapy for sex, relationships and personal happiness
So having said that I Think there need not be any worry on feeling guilty as like you said it’s helped you to strengthen your relationship in many positive ways.
It’s not like you are coming on the internet and sharing personal information about your Oh such as his name or what he looks like so as so it’s all anonymous and I think I can speak for all of us but their is no way any of us could ever figure out who you and your OH are.
If it is bother you that much then maybe have a conversation with him and introduce him to this ‘new’ forum that you found and see what he says about it. If he seems cool with the forum them maybe you can invite him to see some of your posts/ write some posts of his own.
If you feel this forum is a safe space for you to discuss topics and is helping your sex life then I see no problem with it.
My ex knew all about LH website and LH forum, she knew I was frequently on the forum I had nothing to hide and infact it helped with many things, I take the forum as a extension of the website and buying toys.
I wont have any problems telling any future partners about the forum, I certainly wouldn’t keep it a secret.
Hey there Mrs Y. If you’re feeling guilty that’s not a good thing. Is there a reason you’re not sharing the info with your OH? Is he pretty open minded?
@AJSTAR It certainly is doing wonders for our relationship so I see this as a good thing! @Sophie01@teacake@JnSMack I didn’t think he would be very keen to be honest but I have spoken to him about it now.
I did take everyone’s advice in the end and had a conversation about it with my OH. He said it was OK as long as it wasn’t revealing who I was and it was secure (I think it is!) He didn’t have any interest in it really and didn’t want to have anything to do with it or even read it. At least he’s ok with it and it’s not a secret any more.
I also mentioned writing reviews because I thought maybe he wouldn’t like that either but he actually saw that as a positive thing - helping others to make a decision about lingerie sizes etc, especially as I rely on reviews a lot to make decisions about what to buy!
@Iwill, do you think this is something you could talk to your OH about too? Is she interested in toys / lingerie from here? I was suprised about my OH’s response and it was easier than I expected. Have you had any more thoughts on this?
Thanks again for all your thoughts and suggestions, much appreciated as usual
(I think they may even be trying to 
’ sort of thing. 
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