Game: Post a Naughty Joke or Riddle
Post a naughty joke or riddle bellow, whats better than a little giggle and a little pleasure aye?
I'll start:
What did the left nut say to the right nut? Don´t talk to the guy in the middle, he´s a dick.
A PENIS is the lightest thing in the world. Even a thought can raise it. (think about it)
Thanks - Miss Arie xoxo
What's worse than a bull in a china shop?
A hedgehog in a condom factory
Oh god - I really cant go here !! I'm useless at jokes/riddles - will look forward to reading other peoples though :)
Terri JJ wrote:
Oh god - I really cant go here !! I'm useless at jokes/riddles - will look forward to reading other peoples though :)
+1👍
here goes
you have to feel sorry for a penis
i mean he has 2 balls that do nt bounce
1 eye and that can nt see
most of his life is very hard
he is often sick a lot
oh and his best friend is a c**t
and spends a lot of time in wet and damp areas
hope you like
Here's one of my favourites:
A California business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, the Californian knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.
The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Californian joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "What do you mean wrong hole?"
Here goes
A taxi driver gets flagged down in the early hours of the morning in the centre of town , by a drunk woman , who was looking rather rough , " where to " ? the driver asked ......" home please " the drunk woman replied ....passing him a piece of paper with her address on . As they pull up outside her house , the driver asks for his fare , the woman replies " iv'e got no money " , shocked , the driver asks how she was going to pay him ......the woman leans back on the seat , lifts her skirt up , pulls her knickers down and says " will this do " ? ...the driver replies with a shocked look on his face ....." haven't you got anythng smaller " ? Lol
Terri JJ wrote:
Oh god - I really cant go here !! I'm useless at jokes/riddles - will look forward to reading other peoples though :)
Snap :)
(As once recounted by Dara O'Briain on Mock The Week)
What's pink and hard and you rub it in the bath?
A bar of soap.
😒
(That's the best I could come up with!)
Keep it coming! The Taxi driver one made me giggle.
Very good lol
Guy has an accident at work and chops his penis off on asking the doctor if there's anything he can do for him the doctor says no but my brother may be able to help he's a vet.on seeing the vet he is told the only thing I have is a baby elephants trunk I could attach that OK says the guy
A few months after the opperation the vet asks him how its going great he says wife loves it best orgasms she's ever had but there's a problem what's that says the vet well every time I sit down for lunch it keeps taking food off my plate and shoving it up my arse
Very old joke but some may not have heard it
A woman entered a sex shop.
"How may I help you?", asked the salesman.
"I'm looking for a perfect toy for me."
"Well, we've got high quality silicone vibrators, rabbit vibrators, clitoral toys, jelly dildos, ben-wa balls, blah, blah..."
"No, no, I've tried them all, and need something really special."
The salesman looked at her, thought for a moment, then said under his voice:
"I've got something you might like. It's a very old, and very special wooden toy."
"Really? A wooden sex toy? How does that work?"
"It's a voodoo dildo. It's magical. You just say: "Voodoo dildo, my pussy!", and it will satisfy your pussy until you've had enough. Or tell him: "Voodoo dildo, my clitoris", and it will give you the best clitoral orgasm you've ever experienced."
The woman's eyes widened.
"I simply must have it! No matter the price. Give it to me!"
"Just be very cautious to use the correct wording. Because things might get... Weird.", said the salesman very quietly.
"Yes, yes, no problem!", said the woman impatiently and took out her checkbook.
So, the woman bought the voodoo dildo and came back home, barely containing her excitement. She opened a very old looking wooden box, and there was the dildo, looking quite ordinary. She said:
"Voodoo dildo, my pussy!"
And it instantly sprang to life, giving her the best mind-blowing orgasm of her life. She took a few minutes to come to her senses and instructed it again:
"Voodoo dildo, my clitoris!"
And it sprang to life once again, somehow knowing exactly what she wanted. She climaxed three magnificent times, and at the end, her nicely done hair was all messed up, her expensive makeup was all over the pillows, she was breathing heavily and almost blacked out from the thrill and pleasure.
Suddenly, her husband arrived back from work.
"What in the world happened to you?", he asked, quite surprised by the way she looked.
The woman figured it was best to come clean, and told her husband about the amazing toy she bought at the sex shop. The husband frowned in disbelief - his wife was surely cheating on him and just made it all up.
"But I'm telling you, it was voodoo dildo! Honest!", the woman cried.
"Yeah, right!", said the man angrily, "Voodoo dildo, my ass!"
Lol i like the voodoo dildo one!
JM88 wrote:
Lol i like the voodoo dildo one!
Thanks! I've heard it a looooong time ago. The guy that told that joke did a much better job than me, though :)
3 women walking down the high street with lollipops
1 liking it
1sucking it
1 bitting it
whitch 1 is married ?
the one wearing a wedding ring
The man who works in the pie factory, told his wife he wanted to put his cock in the pie cutter,
The wife said don't do that, only bad things will happen.
The next day the man comes home, and tells his wife that he'd been sacked.
She asked why.
He said because I did it, I put my cock in the pie cutter.
The wife asked what happened to the pie cutter.
Oh she got sacked as well
The wife told me the other day she wants a boob job.
I said there's no need, if you want bigger boobs, all you have to do is, twice a day rub some toilet roll between them, and over time they'll grow.
She said really, does that work.
Well its worked on your arse.
The Boss says to the interviewee "What's the difference between a paperclip and a screw?"
Interviewee "I don't know, I've never been paper-clipped before"
This made me laugh lol ;)j&lxxxx wrote:
The man who works in the pie factory, told his wife he wanted to put his cock in the pie cutter,
The wife said don't do that, only bad things will happen.
The next day the man comes home, and tells his wife that he'd been sacked.
She asked why.
He said because I did it, I put my cock in the pie cutter.
The wife asked what happened to the pie cutter.
Oh she got sacked as well