I’m sorry to read that.
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Ive read everything… Something is clearly amiss. You are both on the opposite ends of the sex drive spectrum. You want a kiss and a cuddle to feel secure and she wants to be fucked like a whore. (sorry but thats how it sounds). Therapy maybe. Not sure… Talk to her, get her to open up. Worse that she can say is “I want another man to fuck me while you watch”. That is probably not what it is but theres plenty of it going on and whatever the real deep down problem is, I think you definately need to find out. Not sure if it will come out to a stranger in therapy. This is very deep rooted and im just poking at a thought that popped into my head whilst reading what youve put… and im not saying you have to do anything. You just need to find out what all this “Your not a man” thing is about.
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This is mainly about my low sex drive, my insecurity, and my bad erections.
And yes she want to fuck with someone else already and I would let her if it makes her feel woman again.
But also I want to be a better lover for her. I know I wouldnt be a sexmachine, because thats not me, I realised that already, but I want to be with her again, to feel her, to have sex with her properly, to be everything for her
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Do you think her having sex with someone will make things better?
Oh bless you, this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship whatsoever. Honestly, I’d be tempted to talk about calling it a day and finding someone you are both more suited to?
If you’re really desperate to make this work then I think it may need therapy
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I tend to agree with @FortySomethingWife.
How your wife is speaking to you isn’t healthy or kind and it sounds like she wants permission to be with someone else. I would let her go do that and part ways.
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I think you need to get a third person in… Youve stated that she wants it… So either do it and try to get off on it or end it… You are clearly not doing it for her coz shes on a different level sexually… There is nothing wrong with you at all… You watch her get fucked then see if shes happy for you to fuck someone else in front of her… If not… tell her to fuck off !!! simples.
Thats the point, we absolutely realised that we are on different levels
I should realized it earlier, but I (and she also) telling ourselves that somehow it will be better, but I always run away from difficulties in life
But now I dont want to run
I dont want to get to the same level, I just want to be better than now for both of us to experience something new and more meaningful in our sexlife
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well… your gonna have to get on the same level… theres no option. Get on board or bail out… Whats the worst that can happen… Absolutely fuck all. Get kinky. Let her have what she wants. If you let it all go, shes gonna get it from somewhere else anyway. She is off the scale if you ask me… She wants to be fucked while you watch and wank… She loves you but wants more… It might actually help you to be more open and horny… I realise she was your first… How many blokes has she shagged before you if you dont mind me asking.
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4 guys
It already helps me, that I found this forum
Ive realized already that I was such a dumb in sex and so oldschool
@rob.hun0507
OK… lets forget the threesome stuff. Thats clearly not the issue.
You are telling us that basically youre lacking imagination in the bedroom and LHF is helping. Thats a good thing !!! She is the only one youve been with… Thats difficult because you are lacking some experience maybe. Please dont get me wrong because im 50 and have only really just discovered the true meaning of Love and Sex. Ask LHF what you need to ask to get the sexy stuff back on track… We will tell you what floats our boats and maybe you can give it a go…
I’m glad the forum is helping you. Apart from the sex, you said everything else is ok apart from the breakdown, but what about how she speaks to you? Are you ok with her saying these things? I get that she may be frustrated, but to tell your partner that you’re disgusted by them is not ok. You’re not a verbal punch bag for her and I hope you know that.
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It’s a difficult situation ; there are things you could learn to be slow and sensual but if she wants a vigorous pounding you may just not have the strength and drive. Possibly there are fantasy situations that would increase your energy, such as BDSM or anal, or perhaps she might consider trying to turn her desire more towards long drawn out experiences.
Agreed - being on the same level means having RESPECT and LOVE for each other. You build each other up, not tear each other down.
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Ya dude. What’s the harm in role playing with her, being a “sex machine” for a day/week?
Love is about compromise and if you can’t do it, someone else will. And if she doesn’t see some give and take from you, she will leave you behind and then you will wonder what happened…
What’s the harm in trying something new? Mrs. Val is a prude. It has taken me over 4 years to get her to try some new stuff, and other things I wouldn’t even ask her (a second time) cause I know I love her and respect her wishes.
Give and take. Adaptation and exploration. Figure it out or some other dude will be taking your place.
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The problem is, she doesnt want to have sex with me now…
She says that whenever I look at her while she is naked or I spank on her ass, she has an instant disgust, because she feels we will have a horrible sex again
And I dont blame her
Sometimes I think I am asexual, or mostly because my erection is minimal or I end too quickly
I tried to change the latter two, but I didnt find a solution
@rob.hun0507
So, this is mostly about not getting hard i guess. You mention that in every post.
I was wondering if you watch porn and masturbate. I get the feeling you dont… If so, give it a go. Dont go off with anyone else or invite anyone into your relationship. Watch porn… find your kink… get hard… bash it hard… practice makes perfect !!!