Hi! My OH and I had some problems in the past few months and Im totally lost. She loves sex, she would do every day, but I dont have that libido and drive. She feels like I dont want her, and nowadays she doesnt want to have sex with me, she just plays with her toys when im not home. I want to fight for her, be more a man, want to increase my drive and my experience but dont know how. Go to whores? Have sex chat? What else?
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Hi @rob.hun0507, welcome to the forum 
Sorry to hear youāre having trouble at the moment. Is there anything thatās changed in the last few months? Any new stresses that might be affecting your libido?
Is it something that happened suddenly or has it been a gradual decline?
Iād say to have an honest conversation with her and tell her how youāre feeling and see if anything can be worked out.
If itās something that is affecting your mental health and/or relationship, it may be worth speaking to a medical professional, see if they can suggest anything.
Good luck 
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You will find lots of great, non judgemental advice from lots of experienced and lovely members here.
A few of my humble suggestions; have a think about if thereās anything bothering you within the relationship but outside sex.
Then whether anything has happened within sex, were you bored? Felt pressured? Have you explored spicing things up? Have a good look at things and see if you can find what might be subconsciously putting you off.
Then consider whether thereās external general life factors like stress, worries, health concerns.
Perhaps there isnāt anything, (Iām just a stranger throwing out ideas) but thereās still things you can do to help.
ā¢ exercise (weight training)
ā¢ eating clean and healthy - bad diet is a huge libido killer
ā¢ get enough restful sleep
ā¢ reduce stress factors
ā¢ rebuild and repair intimacy and any resentment within the relationship respectively
ā¢ consider helping her out with her toys, (after discussing whether this is ok with her)
ā¢ consider what YOU want from sex, are there any fantasies you have that could be discussed and fulfilled? Have you talked to her about hers?
ā¢ remove the pressure from yourself, pleasure her if you can, and just see what happens with no expectations. Tell her that as well so she doesnāt expect anything from you either
ā¢ figure out what you need from her and have a gentle conversation about how you can work on this together
ā¢ research natural supplements ONLY if you have ruled out any health concerns (Ginseng and Maca root come to mind)
ā¢ remember you arenāt alone 
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@rob.hun0507 hello and welcome first off. So my partner and I had the same issue, Iām always up for it and he never was. I did exactly what your wife has done. I hated being constantly rejected so I stopped asking and took care of my own needs, I never hid it from OH he knew full well the second he went out I would go town on myself. Until eventually I hit braking point I genuinely thought he was unattached to me and I wasnāt good enough for him, that he with me for convenience. So I did possibly the worst this I could do I suggested an open relationship so I could at least get some.
After a lot of crying and a few conversations it came to light he was suffering with depression and he sometimes finds sex painful due to a tight for skin. We have now worked through or are working through our issues or thought sex is not as often as I would like it is more often.
The point Iām making is sit her down and talk to her and make an appointment to see a doctor. It takes work but you will both need to work together. I found it really strange having someone else pleasure me, I also I had discovered new things I liked I had to show him. We are both having to work on our communication and rebuilding our relationship.
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Well, i think joining LHF is going to help for a start. You dont need to go to whores. Watch her with her toys. She knows about your libido so ask if you can watch and see if you can get the horny feelings. If it doesnt work at least you tried.
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Hi, Are you on any medication that my be effecting things for you? I think @mrssaffa has suggested things to look into. It may be worth seeking help from doctor to check your testosterone levels. Good luck.
Great first post.
Well done for reaching out for help.
If you are attracted to her, then wanting to work on it is an amazing step.
The above tips are great and I second quite a few of them.
- check any medication you are on for a cause in the drop of libido.
- speak to your GP for a little check up.
- read some erotic literature online to help with the mind.
- buy some new underwear for yourself.
- try sending photos to each other.
- watch a tv series like Sexlife together
- but mainly, talk it over with her.
Welcome to the forum!
Umm i wouldnāt jump to go to escorts to increase your sex drive as that could just be damaging to your relationshipā¦ Iād maybe try edging techniques and porn plus just do some sexy things to grab her attention again like do the washing up naked or play with a toy yourself and send her a video of it
Thereās loads of interactive ways you can get her interest back and excited to want you 
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Having mismatched libido is actually completely normal. Itās not a sign of one of you being broken (although from personal experience I totally understand why those thoughts creep into you).
I wouldnāt recommend going to escorts/whores. Having more sex with other people doesnāt necessarily increase sex drive or libido. It could also make her feel even more like you donāt want her when she sees you go to sex workers and not her.
Having mismatched libidos is normal (me and my wife are mismatched too) and it can feel frustrating or like the other person doesnāt want you.
What I DO recommend is having conversations about what turns you guys on and why. Have conversations like why you think you might have a lower libido. Maybe you are more tired because of work/life? Maybe its medication/food/sickness/aging? Maybe you could be asexual or aromantic?
Maybe schedule sex more? Ask each other if thereās anything either of you want to try out for sex? Ask each other what turns you on sexually and what you want to see more or less during sex. Those sort of conversations
These conversations are going to be awkward at first and maybe even, but they will make both of your sex lives more fulfilling as you learn more about what makes each of you horny, etc.
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All of the above advice is sound.
Go to your Dr, speak to your partner and donāt call sex workers whores, thats disrespectful.
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More details for the story:
For the first few years in our relationship we rarely had sex (1 or 2 a month) and it usually ended with psychology class for me. I was 28 when I met her (she was 21) and she was rhe first for me. When we had sex we usually did it in missionary.
I the last 1 or 2 years she discovered she is more into hard sex with different positionsā¦I tried to keep up with little success
Around last christmas, she had a mental breakdown, she felt she is good for nothing she wanted to kill herself
She got antidepressants and she still takes it. We tried to have sex in the last months but very rarely, and now she says she is disgusted by me. For our relationship, and because we can discuss anything, I accepted that she can flirt on the net and if she finds someone she camn have sex with him
She says she loves me, and I believe it, but when I want just something more serious, like a little cuddle or just to feel her bare skin she rejects me, because she feels Iām not a MAN for her anymore
She suggested if mayve I had experience with other women I would have mkre confidence and more like a man
Thatās rough
I recommend you guys do couples or sex counseling.
Sounds like thereās a lot of insecurity, anxieties and trauma you both need to deal with.
Also, just a heads up, nothing you said makes me think you arenāt āmanly enoughā. Get that negative self talk out of your head because it can eat you up and wreck your self esteem.
The hardest part to be manly with her. For example at work Iām the god of confidence and Iām deciding over lives.
It probably comes from that she is the first woman in my life, I had a lot of rejection before her (some because I was a virgin). Moreover, I can hardly keep up my erection even with pills. I checked my testosteron level and its normal, I just overthink everything in my head when it comea to sex.
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It does not make you less of a man! You are you and have your own desires and drives. The right situation will get your pecker up. Donāt be disheartened. Communication is key x
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Hey @rob.hun0507
Thereās a lot going on here. I would recommend you get into relationship counselling to talk about this - it sounds like your issues are deeper than just having sex.
For me, sex is an integral part of our relationship, but we have been through some real ups and downs including lengthy dry spells.
Now we have a great sex life - itās not all the time, but itās usually very, very special when it happens.
However, we had to sort out issues between us to get to that point, and that could only happen with a therapist. We continue to see a therapist roughly once a month - it keeps us accountable, and is very helpful.
When we hot a rock bottom, we had to ask ourselves, ādo we want to stay together and make this a success?ā if so, what do we need to do to make it happen.
A lot of making sex great again was about asking what each other really wanted - what kind of sex is worth having? for each of you?
There is quite a lot of ritual involved in our passion play dates now; baths, oils, candles, massages - which all came from what made my wife very happy. It makes us both happy now.
Good luck. Communication is lubrication!
Hope it goes well
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Iām sorry she says those things to you.
Do you both want the relationship work? And if so, what are you both doing to make that happen? Why do you want to stay together?
You donāt have to answer, theyāre just questions for you to mull over.
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@rob.hun0507 Iām so sorry to hear that. But to echo what has been said you guys need therapy or at the very least a very long and honest discussion about your relationship. I do with you both the best.
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Sounds abusive honestly. You have to come to a compromise and I think spending too much time online isnāt healthy for her.
You cheating on her and her on you is not going to be the answer to bring you together. @LilMissMichelle hit it on the head as communication is vital. So is compromise on both your parts.
Get out of your head and see if you canāt find a way to stretch. Try something new - let her take the lead on what she wants and see if you can enjoy it or find a way to find some middle ground.
I often think that I would be happy in your situation with a woman who wants sex all the time and in different ways. But it doesnāt sound fun at all.
I wish you nothing but the best, but donāt forget who you are and donāt settle for someone who chooses others instead.
First of all seek medical assistance in case your testosterone levels are low - easily fixed with testosterone gel
After then seek counselling if needed
We had a long conversation and she simply dont want to feel the humilation of sex again with me. With my constant problems she lost her confidence and she doesnt feel woman herself with me. Apart from the sex everything is great between us. She says she just wants to exprience good sex finally, not the struggle that I dont have a proper erection and she have to held a therapy for me every time
I tried psychologist for 2 years, I seeked out medications but somehow it doesnt work for me properly