Hey everyone, I’m 23 and used to have a busy sex life! Used to love sex, sex toys, experimenting, lesbian, threesomes... you name it! However two years ago I was assaulted and everything has changed... I’ve dealt with the issue and I want to enjoy sex again! If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any ideas on how I can wean myself back to my old sex life that would be fab. Feel like a virgin again!
Hi and welcome! Firstly sorry you were subjected to that and I hope you are recovering well.
Here is a link to a very recent thread on this subject as a starting point as it is something that has to be dealt with delicately in an open forum. Hope it helps.
Hi BambiLou. What a bummer. It makes me so angry that women get assaulted. I hope you're properly recovered. You say you've 'dealt with the issue' I trust you've had some good therapy, and your body has released the memory. Dealing with stuff like that isn't just about getting your head round it. I'd suggest some SomaticExperiencing if you can find a practitioner, or some Craniosacral therapy, or EMDR. If you've really dealt with it, you need a partner you feel really safe with, someone you can trust. Do take it slowly at first. It's a big thing. With love. Gran x
Hi JT2OU - just sending love and hugs to you. Hoping you'll be doing better again soon. Remember these things go in cycles. The good parts will come again. X Gran
I feel horrible reading this and hearing this is something you went through. I am sorry that you had to endure this but I am also thankful that you are still with us on the other side.
I am a survivor and I hope this will give you some hope in the knowledge that I now still enjoy a healthy sex life including BDSM etc.
Trusting people was the hardest thing to do and your partner needs to understand your mental and emotional process and how this can affect. If there is anything specific, as crap as it is, please share that with them if it can be more triggering so it will be something you can avoid or work on later on.
Comfort in your own body again is key, spend time letting your body feel those sensations from yourself solo before letting someone else put their hands on you. It isn't my usual bag, but I actually watched a lot of sensual porn so there were no negative conotations my brain could put between them.
In terms of my own personal fetishes, especially in regards to BDSM and bondage play, after events I never subbed again (until recently - down to a huge amount of trust in the person I'm sleeping with). I always took the dominant role instead of switching just because I felt it gave me the power and control, plus I really enjoyed it.
After I built up my own emotions and mentality, I became even more empowered in myself than before. I felt happier to play with toys and people again, my sex drive came back higher than before.
There is life after events, but it isn't easy and you do need to take your time. Don't ever let it control you or take over. You are a strong as feck person to still be standing. The fact that you have reached the point where you want to enjoy sex again is a huge step and I promise you, it does get better and connections within sexual contact are so much stronger <3
Thank you everyone! In the last two years I have been having councilling and therapy from a local women’s centre specialising in rape and sexual assault. I have been starting to watch porn again, and playing solo which I’m able to enjoy. Definately think it’s just taking that huge step! Due to being a single parent to two children, going out and meeting someone new is not a choice and not something my anxiety would appreciate! However a very close friend and I have been becoming quite close and he has suggested he could help me. I fully trust him but just seems a bit strange right now!
Justthetwoofus - fab read, thank you so much!