After a 4 year long bad relationship with a guy, I have spent the past two years single, having had just two dates and, shock horror, no sex since March 2011.
I want to start dating again but I find it so hard. I find that men only seem to find me attractive online. If I try online dating I get lots of attention, out in the real world I get none. It can't be my looks, I look like my pictures, yes I'm a bigger girl but that doesn't stop other women... So I find myself wondering how to get myself out of my lack of dating rut. Casual sex and affairs are a no go despite many delightful men wanting them. I just want the normal stuff and to get my mojo back :-) Any tips/ideas? I think I'll order myself some LH goodies tonight to help the self love along ;-)
Giving compliments and flirting on online dating sites is easy though isn't it. I bet many ladies have the same issue, where they get loads of attention online but it never really goes anywhere.
Can I suggest that if you use online dating (which can be very good by the way) that you try this approach and see what response you get....
Ignore all of those that contact you no matter how fit they are and only engage in conversation with those that you speak to first. A few reasons for this:
In the main when using online dating Men will take a broad brush approach and probably expect to get only 2 or 3 in 10 replies to their initial message, even if the message is more thoughtful and inventive than the usual "hi how has your day been" or "you're hot" etc etc. Some females will be polite and respond with a thanks but no thanks but in the main men know that unless they have filmstar looks that the ladies get so many messages because of said broad brush approach that a low response rate is expected. Think about this, how many do you really reply to even to say no out of courtesy?
On the other hand because ladies get so many messages it is quite rare that they actually take the time and message first - its almost as if they get lazy / complacent because they have received so many messages due to broad brush approach. Be selective and make the first move and i imagine you will get a better response than the message you would have got if he mailed first.
Obviously this is quite generalist and of course some males and females take more care and thought about who and what they message - i'm not intentionally using the same brush for everyone but talking about the majority.
As for your images - make sure they are real, tease but not provacative and certainly no undies shots. Remember people judge by the picture first and only read the profile if they like what they see - provocative pictures and you'll gain unwanted attention from those who probably aren't long term options. Do it right and whilst you might get less messages they will be from those who are interested in what you have to write about yourself as well as how you look.
Wow thats a lot of stuff, not trying to tell anyone what to do, just more from our own experiences.
I find I do ignore most men who initiate contact, either because of a general message or I am just not interested. I think I am actually bored of online dating though, so looking at other ways. Male friends tell me to smile at guys in the supermarket etc. Though my penchant for older men means I check their fingers first! Maybe speed dating? Terrifying thought though!
I'm a larger girl as well and don't get attention other than online. Its good that you use pictures that actually look like you online.
Are you confident in person? if not then that could be a problem. I'm definitely more confident online than in person and has affected some dates that i had with men i met online.
Hope all goes well for you :)
I am confident professionally and my friends say I'm the life and soul of the party. Ask me to smile and approach a guy I find attractive though and I run a mile. Once I'm on a date I am actually fine and relaxed :-)
I am confident professionally and my friends say I'm the life and soul of the party. Ask me to smile and approach a guy I find attractive though and I run a mile. Once I'm on a date I am actually fine and relaxed :-)
are you confusing being proffessionably affable and genuinely friendly, I associate with many women at work but there is always a border you never cross for fear of complaints (I am their client)......look for friends in another environment and be your genuine self.
No I mean professionally in my abilities and actual work. I am very focused on my work and never think of dating in the workplace. My confidence just lacks in approaching men in social settings ie two totally different situations.
I used to have that problem with no confidence, as I used to be a lot bigger Id never had the confidence. but smiling at guys does really work, I met this amazingly hot guy couple weeks back by me just smiling and he came to me, which is often the case. Esspecially in a relaxed setting eg pubs, house warming parties, anything really social, coffee places.
And dont worry about rejection, just act friendly if theyre too up themselves you dont really wanna go there! Theyre more likely to be missing out, unless theyve got genuine reasons to reject (like theyve already got someone, one guy I met had a girlfriend and we turned out to be great friends)
Also could just talk to them as potential friends first- helps filter them all out, edging in convos about everything you need to know! also no sex until you think theyre genuine, guys loose intrest too easilly, let them work for it.
The best advice I was given years ago, when faced with a similar problem, was by my elder brother. He said I should pick my best friend that's single and both go out as often as possible and to as many different places (pubs/clubs/bars etc) as I could manage. The rest will come easily after that. He was spot on and I had a whale of a time. It's good advice my LH friend, trust me....even though you don't know me......