I never orgasm from anything penetrative, and only seem to be able to go through clitoral play myself, the poor husband has tried and tried to no avail.
Have you tried looking at sex toys? We found a butt plug helped me get a lot closer as it intensified everything, same as a cock ring.
But if you worry too much about making her orgasm you aren't going to enjoy it and she'll pick up on your anxieties, in turn having a bad experience for both you. Just relax and experiment and hopefully in time it'll happen
Have you tried letting her use a clitoral vibrator at the same time? Some of them are narrow and you can easily hold it down there at them same time as you are inside, always des it fr me
Sorry if this has been answered in previous posts but how old are you both? Sometimes it takes a long time, even years to get to know your body well enough to find out what makes you reach orgasm.
With the masturbating together... that's something I've never been happy doing with a partner. I just find it embarrassing rather than arousing.
I know another poster said this but you need to stop thinking about this other guy that made her cum. It's in the past, she doesn't want you to talk about it and it won't do you any good to think about it. It sounds like it was a surprise orgasm in the heat of the moment because it was forbidden and hurried in somewhere public. Sometimes a one night stand with someone you barely know is the hottest thing ever. It doesn't mean that it's better than sex with someone you love and trust but it does get your heart racing.
If you both live with your parents then get away. I'm not saying a hotel or anything because I think that would be too much pressure. Go out for a walk somewhere secluded and... surprise her a passionate kiss against a tree. As long as she's willing and enjoying it, do it a bit harder, be more spontaneous.
It sounds like you're a lovely guy who really wants to give and you're really trying which is great. But some girls just don't like oral. Some girls have really a really sensitive clit and before you get to that stage where you orgasm it just feels too sensitive. Try her ontop, the pressure of your body against her clit might be enough to make her cum. Maybe if she rubbed against a pillow or something... I still think that's the best way to masturbate (sorry sex toys!) x
Obviously, you need to stop obsessing about this. So she has come with someone else once. Bid deal.
I seem to understand that she does not masturbate. If so, she might want to learn. Not every woman does it naturally; I have taught a close friend how to masturbate, she had never orgasmed before. Once you have learned it's much easier to relax and come with a partner. There are several instructional videos on the internet. You may want to suggest this. If she's interested she'll pick it up. It might be better if she starts alone, later maybe you could join, if she likes the idea.
In any case, try to not to focus on her orgasm! It is possible to take pleasure in sex even without coming. Do what she enjoys, introduce new things (toys, things you do to her, but also things she does not you; again, internet is a big help), see if she likes them, and RELAX! Have fun yourself: if you don't, she won't either. Orgasms will likely come.
Wow I swore I had replied to this!! Anyhow, we got it sorted a few months after I posted, it was absolutely amazing!!
Eased off the pressure, but the biggest thing was easing her 'peeing' fear (few towels down!)
Basically she built herself up so much and was so comfortable on top with me sently sucking her nipples she let it go and squirted, and 50% of the time we've made love since this is how its ended!!
Many thanks people, thankyou :)
Can she orgasm if she masterbate she alone? If she can it's more nerves than anything. If she can't she hasn't found the right buttons to press yet either.
Ok so I have a suggestion, bear with me it might take a few lines.
i find that a lot of the arousal is in anticipation. So on a day when your apart maybe at work, text her casual at first but flirty. Asking her "if I would do anything for you what would you want me to do". This will either be something harmless like cook tea, or something sexy like spank me.
If it's cook tea, do it nothing too flash just an average tea, spaghetti bolognase or something. Then text her again the next day. " if I would do anything for you in the bedroom what would you want me to do".
If her answere doesn't freak you out I would try it. Prove to her you want to please her.
Another day text her " what do you want today" she will come out of her sexual she'll, and you might find that there is something that she likes but is scared to ask. Maybe she likes anal, or being tied up, or maybe she likes to watch you come, you never know. It might work.
If she point blankly refuses to play, text her what you would like to do to her, slowly and suggestive, teasing her. " I will gently kiss down your neck, slowly run my fingers down your back" that sort of thing. It should set her mind racing and she will be primed and ready for a good fucking when she gets home.
Sorry it was a long one.
The bigger issue now is that we now live together, but with her parents, and what we do in the bedroom isnt a true reflection of what happens when we have a hotel room or even the house to ourselves on the rare occasion!
She doesnt masturbate unfortunately, hasnt done so in around 2 years, she says she doesnt enjoy doing it to herself and doesnt even like me inserting my fingers, we now never use that as foreplay as she much prefers the feel of me inside her, so foreplay time is now greatly reduced, very very rarely is there any oral, we usual begin by kissing, cuddling and giving her a back massage!
Any texts relating to making love are usually received by 'no, we'll just snuggle tonight' which is 95% chance of snuggle 5% chance of anything further but thats where we are.
Tbh the spark is leaving but im doing my best :)
thanks
SubReiSkyeM wrote:
I'm going to say something that isn't very nice, so, y'know, prepare yourself.
The way you keep bringing up this other guy and trying to mimic everything he did (location, etc) is the least helpful thing you could do. If my partner was obsessing over things from my past like that and spending ages trying to copy it, I would get very frustrated and angry. Who cares if she managed to orgasm with some random guy in a car one time? The fact that you appear to constantly be putting pressure on her to orgasm and bringing that up is completely off-putting. If my partner did that I would dump his ass or refuse to have sex with him until he stopped being so jealous.
I imagine she feels really guilty and upset about the whole thing because of how negatively it has impacted on you and how you're treating her. I know you're upset too but step back and stop harassing her about it. Just try to do your own thing - Fluffbags had some great advice - and it'll come in time.
+1 to this.
By the sounds of it, you're putting so much pressure on her to orgasm. Yes, you may want her to do it, and want her to masturbate.. but what if she doesn't want to? If you are constantly putting pressure on her and trying to copy something like what happened, I would 150% dump you. I would perhaps try to work on your own issues first, by the sounds of it there is a lot of jealousy and perhaps resentment, to work through first, and then the rest will come in time. Sounds blunt and to the point I know, but it is only my thoughts. Can I ask how old you both are?
Why do you say the spark is leaving? Sex drives can fluctulate massivley. Is there anything else going on that she may have in the back of her mind?
I just don't get this . Putting pressure on you partner whether male or female to perform a certain function during sex ,I will also I include self pressure here as well, just isn't going to work.It can lead to resentment ,unhappiness and in extreme cases possible break up of a relationship.
Plain and simple just don't do it !
Just allow yiur partner to feel relaxed and comfortable and what will happen will happen.
Just chill out and enjoy yourselves without turning something into a chore.
Guys just to reiterate, this is an old topic and I didnt realise I hadnt replied, so if you check out Post 24 you'll see my response.
I'd like to take this opportunity firstly to apologise for my actions in relation to the matter, it was a massive factor.
The most important thing? The peoples advice that contributed to this topic!!
MANY THANKS from Mr and Miss Grey :)