GF can't orgasm...with me :(

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Morning everyone :) I'm in an extremely loving relationship with my partner, we really are just...erm....perfect for eachother, with extremely similar interests yet some that vary allowing us to be separated and enjoy ourselves also!!

We've been together for a year but went through 6months of previous courtship. Herein lies my dilemma...I thoroughly enjoy our sexual experiences...her body and actions are mindblowing....but I'm a giver at heart, my thrill lies with watching females orgasm...and I haven't been able to do it :(

My previous relationship was somewhat shorter but was similar, and I understand not all women can orgasm, and my ex never had and did'nt.

The painful bit for me was finding out my current gf had her 1st orgasm during our 6month courtship with another guy....so I know she can....but I can't :( It plays on my mind alot!!

She says she is satisfied with me...but she continued to flirt with the guy throughout our courtship so I assume it was mindblowing :( I've asked her how it happened but she quickly gets distressed about it...I've asked her to masturbate which she did once but didn't cum!!

Question is....is it me?? Is her level of arousal with me not enough?? I just want to give her what she deserves ;( Thanks everyone

2

Sometimes sex isn't the answer, my wife very rarely orgasms during straight sex, she never did when we first got together, nowadays we have to get extra kinky to garentee her an orgasm during sex,
I find the best way to make her orgasm is to dedicate the night to her, realise from the start your not going to cum yourself just work on her, my wife loves nights like this, start with a massage to get her in the mood and then just play gently with her and do all you know! As my OH is guaranteed satisfaction from this it takes pressure of the sex, and you never know with less pressure that something has got to happen during sex it might just!

3

Very few of the people on here orgasm (or make their partner orgasm) without toys.

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or that

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And she wont know what hit her.

4

Thanks so far guys.

Yes Man, I often do that unfortunately, spending upto an hour of oral sex and teasing her away from penetration, she loves it,but she never has that final release.

When we have penetrative sex she often used to feel like she was sudennly going to pee, and I encouraged her to keep going as I'm positive she would orgasm or more but she could'nt fully relax...she would slow down and then lose the edge :( she now rarely feels like this :(

I just can't understand how this guy parked up with her for 15/20mins and made her cum in the front seat of a car by masturbation....it drives me wild, we even went to the same spot and same position but after around 5/10mins she said she felt too sensitive :(

Her clit and labia can be extremely sensitive, and as much as I love this site and the products I believe for now alot are out of our grasp....but we will enjoy the bottom-up approach!!

Thanks guys! (hope wasnt too graphic for the mods :/ !?

5

But thats still an hour of oral sex. Theres an expectation there.

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26221

Light some candles and rub her in oil. If it leads to more, cool, if not, there was no "failure", because there was no expectation or anything more.

And never ever again mention anything she did with anyone else.

EVER

Either her wandering off with that other guy one night is an insurmountable problem and its time to walk away, or its in the past, and no good will come of dwelling on it

6

Speaking from a woman's perspective, it can be hard to relax sometimes...! We also put pressure on ourselves to orgasm, mostly because we want to but also when we know someone else wants us to. But this makes it even harder to orgasm if you ask me . Mentally she is probably feeling very under pressure. It also depends on hormones too - throughout the month there are times when I can have up to 5 orgasms and other times when I can't even have 1, but I still enjoy it a whole lot. If I think of the times when I have had the most orgasms then I would suggest trying some of the following (if you haven't already)

1) keep it really relaxed and intimate all the time - lots of kissing, nuzzling, breast action etc

2) use your hands a lot but GENTLY (use lube), use positions where you can still rub her clit if she lets you

3) once she has orgasmed once lay off her clit as it will more than likely become painful to touch after the 1st orgasm

4) don't spend forever giving oral sex unless she is quite obviously enjoying it A LOT and is behaving like she is about to come. It feels great but it can be like flogging a dead horse sometimes...!

5) you can always revisit oral for 1 or 2 minutes in between positions but no longer than this (1 minute is actually quite a long time) unless she tells you to not stop

6) let her spend time on top where she can control the pace and grind on you as this might just do it and if she lets you you can rub her clit

7) or let her rub her own clit?

I know you have probably tried all this stuff but the mental pressure she is putting on herself is enough to stop her orgasming. Try encouraging her to masturbate when she is on her own so she can teach herself to let herself go again. Worth a try?! Trust me, I will wager she is more frustrated than you right now...!

7

I can sympathise, I really struggle to orgasm with my OH - most of the time because I feel that's what he's pushing for and that's makes expectations and I need to fill those...it's a downhill spiral to not enjoying the sex! If you're both open to it, definately look around at some toys :) I'd recommend a vibrating love egg with some clit stimulation.

I also agree with everyone else, really strip everything back to being intimate. Don't bring up other guys from the past - she'll be feeling just as bad about it as you! The closest I've come was some unexpected and risky finger action against a wall once, yet when we make a night of it, whilst I really enjoy it, I don't orgasm. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry about when she has or hasn't - it's not a measure of how you're doing comparatively, or how much she is enjoying it compared to last time, sometimes the big O just doesn't come, but that can be okay!

Good luck :)

8

The 3 for £10 offer has lube, ring and oil at the moment

9

Judging my some of the stuff you have said. I have a theory. I theory based on some of my own experiences (Minus the sleeping with someone else part)

Okay look at it this way. Your lady had this orgasm with a guy she spent 20 minutes in a car with, yet you often lavish her with attention, hour long oral sessions etc and nothing happens...

Okay here is my theory based on that above paragraph...

For the most part, women get turned on in a different way to men. (I reiterate: For the most part) Men are very visual creatures and also are stimulated a lot easier with physical touches. Women on the other hand...It is different. I would say that most of a womans arousal level is based on whether or not she is turned on mentally. Direct stimulation to our body parts, and visual stimulation is all good for us, but the difference between an okay session and a mind blowing "omg I just fainted" session, often lies in how you have managed to get our mind working.

Judging by what you have said (She orgasmed in a car with this guy, but not you, although in the early days she seemed closer) I am totally hedging my bets that you have yourself a woman who is very much like me, in that mental stimulation is what will make or break her arousal. The reason I think this is because...she orgasmed with this guy. Why? maybe because it FELT so naughty to her, maybe it felt taboo, naughty, secretive, exciting, frantic, lustful, hot....(All of these are FEELINGS, see? Rather than actual physical stimulation, they are what makes her brain tick, what gets her off most.)

So what do I suggest? Mixing it up. Trying new things to stimulate her mind and get her thinking. There are so so many ways to do this that the only limit is your imagination. Do not focus on giving her pleasure physically, rather, try to get her chomping at the bit before you even make it to the bedroom by teasing her with words, thoughts, feelings you have, talk about fantasies etc. Another tip is to try to let her know how absolutely amazingly horny she makes you (but not by just saying "I am horny" but rather by being more specific (eg: When you bend over and those jeans tightened around your arse I could not stop imagining....etc. I know that nothing turns me on more than the idea throughout the day that my partner is itching to rip my clothes off.

I have a feeling if you hit on this ladies mental thrills, you will be wowing her in no time.

I am a lady who suffers the same. I often struggle to reach orgasm when it is just a case of us falling into bed, hands wander and then 5 mins later he is between my legs and the room is silent and I am scanning my brain to bring back some hot fantasy to help me along. There is nothing wrong with my partners technique and he is more than willing, like you, to go at it for as long as it takes but...its a struggle. I need to FEEL the naughty, the kinky, etc. Massages, candles etc are all good but nothing on what you could do to a woman with the power of stimulating her mind. trust me :D

Good luck xxx

10

Many thanks for all your opinions guys....its a big help!! There's also a part of me that needs to get away from thinking 'your a lousy lover and your not good enough ' because if I'm honest my low self esteem is wearing me thin!! We do chat about it...I believe a major issue is we are both living with parents at the moment, and while we make time for sex and passion its often muffled and cautious ..she loves to hear me moan and vice versa!! I had a free evening and following the above I tracked down a quiet spot nearby so can't wait for her to return home from holidays (3 weeks until our next hotel break!) I intend on gathering some goodies for the trip away to spice her up!! I would REALLY love it if she masturbated on her own or with me more often...reckon if she can bring herself close we have excellent communication and things will improve!!
Cheers everyone :D

11

Good luck MrGrey everyone has given you really good advise :)

12

I think Fluffbags has hit the nail on the head for you. Sex for most women starts in the head- if you cater to that rather than concentrating on the physical you'll get there. I'd say take the pressure off both of you about her orgasming though- there's nothing more mood killer than desperately trying to cum to satisfy your partner.

My best orgasms are usually when my OH has been doing things for me around the house (totally unrelated to sex like dishes (though naked dishes is fun to watch) as they're things that would otherwise distract me. He also buys me erotica on my kindle which helps me get into orgasm headspace... If money is an issue you can read erotica for free on loads of websites like literotica- the 3 for £10 deal at the moment looks pretty good too. ;)

13

Fluffbags wrote:

Judging my some of the stuff you have said. I have a theory. I theory based on some of my own experiences (Minus the sleeping with someone else part)

Okay look at it this way. Your lady had this orgasm with a guy she spent 20 minutes in a car with, yet you often lavish her with attention, hour long oral sessions etc and nothing happens...

Okay here is my theory based on that above paragraph...

For the most part, women get turned on in a different way to men. (I reiterate: For the most part) Men are very visual creatures and also are stimulated a lot easier with physical touches. Women on the other hand...It is different. I would say that most of a womans arousal level is based on whether or not she is turned on mentally. Direct stimulation to our body parts, and visual stimulation is all good for us, but the difference between an okay session and a mind blowing "omg I just fainted" session, often lies in how you have managed to get our mind working.

Judging by what you have said (She orgasmed in a car with this guy, but not you, although in the early days she seemed closer) I am totally hedging my bets that you have yourself a woman who is very much like me, in that mental stimulation is what will make or break her arousal. The reason I think this is because...she orgasmed with this guy. Why? maybe because it FELT so naughty to her, maybe it felt taboo, naughty, secretive, exciting, frantic, lustful, hot....(All of these are FEELINGS, see? Rather than actual physical stimulation, they are what makes her brain tick, what gets her off most.)

So what do I suggest? Mixing it up. Trying new things to stimulate her mind and get her thinking. There are so so many ways to do this that the only limit is your imagination. Do not focus on giving her pleasure physically, rather, try to get her chomping at the bit before you even make it to the bedroom by teasing her with words, thoughts, feelings you have, talk about fantasies etc. Another tip is to try to let her know how absolutely amazingly horny she makes you (but not by just saying "I am horny" but rather by being more specific (eg: When you bend over and those jeans tightened around your arse I could not stop imagining....etc. I know that nothing turns me on more than the idea throughout the day that my partner is itching to rip my clothes off.

I have a feeling if you hit on this ladies mental thrills, you will be wowing her in no time.

I am a lady who suffers the same. I often struggle to reach orgasm when it is just a case of us falling into bed, hands wander and then 5 mins later he is between my legs and the room is silent and I am scanning my brain to bring back some hot fantasy to help me along. There is nothing wrong with my partners technique and he is more than willing, like you, to go at it for as long as it takes but...its a struggle. I need to FEEL the naughty, the kinky, etc. Massages, candles etc are all good but nothing on what you could do to a woman with the power of stimulating her mind. trust me :D

Good luck xxx

I have trouble orgasming with my partner and this is sooo true yet has never occured to me. If I have a read of an erotic novel before the act for instance it makes such a big difference! Thank you so much Fluffbags.. I am definitely going to use your advice x

14

You are welcome! I just speak from experience myself and when the OP mentioned that his lady can orgasm in mentally exciting situations (beginning of relationship, or in a car) I could pretty much put that lady in my shoes because I need the mental stimulation. Yep, erotic reading is a good start, porn, roleplay, sex somewhere other than the bed, trying new things, anything that seems "naughty" all of these things titilate the female and begins her on the journey towards an orgasm. I think because men need more visual and physical stimulation, and women need more mental to get in the mood in the first place, that sometimes we try to give to our partners what WE think is mind blowing, So, for example, men might go straight for physical sensation on a woman and wonder why she is cold and not getting anywhere too fast and likewise a woman may wonder why erotica and teasing his mind is not doing much for her guy until he gets to the point of "just touch me pleaseee and show me your body" lol Although to be fair, we still all like both kinds of stimulation. Sometimes it helps to think like the opposite sex, and more specifically, think about what our partners have mentioned before that drives them nuts, so that we can blow their minds. :D

15

Also you mention you love to watch her masturbate but she doesn't do that very often. It is probably because she is a little insecure, or shy, or suffers a little performance anxiety. At that moment in time, all eyes are on her. This is what she is probably thinking: Can he see my wobbly bits if I lie like this, does he think my vagina looks weird, I bet my technique is different from what he has seen in porn, should i do it like they do in porn, I am taking too long, god he must be bored.....

Need I go on?

Here is a great way to overcome this. Start masturbating first. Let her look at you, let her feel that, wait a minute, this is not something that you are ashamed of, and wow it does look hot to watch someone masturbate, maybe she can now start to see why this might be a turn on. After this point you just ask her if she would show you how she likes to be touched...if she agrees, this is where you can make, or break the whole deal:

When she is playing, you need to show her how much this drives you crazy. If I were you I would continue to masturbate along with her the first few times, this will give her something to focus on and will make her not feel so much like the centre of attention. You need to come up with all of the ways you can get it across to her (without sounding fake, be genuine) of how amazing she looks and how much she turns you on....again this is a little important...SHE. So, not the act, dont say things like "I love watching girls masturbate" ...or anything that hints along those lines but find ways to make it personal (When you get excited, your nipples go hard and it is sooo sexy...or I love listening to your breath getting faster, or more erotic stuff aimed towards her vagina) as well as this, SHOW her you mean it by showing her, or letting her feel your "reaction" to what she is doing, make some noise...silence is a little unnerving when you are already nervous.

Get a lamp, or light candles so that the lighting is dim. If she is insecure about her body, this will give her confidence. You could also suggest the first few times that she keeps the covers over her and just lie with her, stroking her hair or her chest. It can be intimidating at first, to lie spread eagle in harsh lighting with a guy watching you, the more ways you can minimise that, and show her why you love it so much, the more she will feel confidence

Hope that helps x

16

Have a look at Cara Sutra's '10 ways to make couples foreplay truly sensational for both of you'

http://carasutra.co.uk/2013/08/10-ways-to-make-couples-foreplay-truly-sensational-for-both-of-you/

17

I'm going to say something that isn't very nice, so, y'know, prepare yourself.

The way you keep bringing up this other guy and trying to mimic everything he did (location, etc) is the least helpful thing you could do. If my partner was obsessing over things from my past like that and spending ages trying to copy it, I would get very frustrated and angry. Who cares if she managed to orgasm with some random guy in a car one time? The fact that you appear to constantly be putting pressure on her to orgasm and bringing that up is completely off-putting. If my partner did that I would dump his ass or refuse to have sex with him until he stopped being so jealous.

I imagine she feels really guilty and upset about the whole thing because of how negatively it has impacted on you and how you're treating her. I know you're upset too but step back and stop harassing her about it. Just try to do your own thing - Fluffbags had some great advice - and it'll come in time.

18

It sounds like your own self-confidence issues are getting you down! Forget the other guy for a start, she's with you isn't she? :)

I feel like often guys get too hung up on the female orgasm. Sex without an orgasm can still be really great, and I know that with a previous boyfriend he was really bothered when I didn't come, which made me feel under pressure and took all the enjoyment out of sex because I was stressing that I was making him feel bad just because I wasn't able to orgasm.

My advice is to stop measuring your sexual encounters by the number of orgasms had. She's clearly enjoying sex with you regardless, or she wouldn't keep doing it! Don't try and force it, sex is supposed to be fun!

19

Perhaps try a new approach. Take command, a shy girls need a man who is secure in himself and knows what he wants. Try to be a bit dominant, perhaps open the curtains just enough to not actually show the outside what is going on unless they watch very closely but still enough to add to her mind thinking you MIGHT be seen. Then make her show herself or something so that if someone really did look in close enough she would be in full view.

This might or might not make her tick some but since she did like it in a car chances are the small exibitionism factor might add to it all. If she is not overly found of your tungue leave that part out and train your fingers. One hand put some small pressure where her pubic hair grows (if she has some left but still the same place) and work her clit with that hand. Then use your other hand to try and reach the other hand with a slightly curved but deep motion from the inside. You should be able to get to her G-spot this way. It works a lot better if she has peed before all this since a full bladder might prevent you from hitting it at the right point. If she does start to feel good inform her that she is under no circumstance allowed to orgasm without your concent (just to get the whole thing turned around).

It might or might not work but using 2 hands on a woman has worked every time for me. You can use as many fingers as are comfortable for her and if she likes anal you got more holes to use at once. The more spots you stimulate the harder it is to ignore the feeling of good and when you do make her orgasm blow her mind for some 10-15 seconds before you stop the stimulation. After another 20 seconds she have caught her breath and are ready for next round of very very gentle stimulation at first until you again notice her reach closer. Done right she might even get more than 1, 2 several orgasmas.

Then again only you can truly find out what makes her tick. I do however think most women like a man who knows what he is doing and enjoys doing it to them. Someone who has to ask what another man did when she had her good time is soon a goner. Find your own way and find what she really wants.

20

What Beedrill said. If you are trying to hard to make her orgasm she will pick up on it and it might just bethe moodkiller. Unless you get off on going down on her don't do it, the guy in the car probably wasnt trying to make her cum he just liked doing that particular thing. Focus on yourself a bit more and there is a chance she will do the rest.