Thanks Lil_MissNaughty
Smellycat19 I think you explained yourself really well in your post so as NaughtyNerd suggested writing it down in letter could be a good idea as a way of starting up a conversation.
smellycat19 wrote:
hey everyone, as you might already know from a previous post, I have been dating a guy for a few weeks now and everything has been going fine (both outside and inside the bedroom-kind of?!). He is quite a dominant character, again outside and inside the bedroom, and compared to me a little more sexperienced and not as afraid of speaking up, saying what he likes in bed and asking about my likes/dislikes ect but he is also and can be affectionate, gentle ect...
Just need a bit of guidance, so here goes with the long and short of it basically being that, I told him recently during the last time we had sex that I preferred it when he's rough with me (in the sense that the sex not being slow and gentle, as he asked at the time if I liked it whilst he was going at it softly?) That's when I told him yes but I preferred it when he's a little rougher. All of a sudden he said oh do you mean like this (kind of in jest too but testing the boundaries also), as he put one of his hands against/on/not fully around my neck (gently enough but not so if that makes sense)
I immediately said to him woah not like that! (I would be perfectly happy to entertain that kind of play up to a limit but we haven't been sleeping together long). It shocked me a little but he immediately stopped and retreated, sensing my uncomfortableness and we were both fine about it and carried on as we were.
I kind of feel a bit of an idiot now and rather prudish. I never really got the chance to bring it up again out of sheer embarrassment, in order for me to tell him I'd be ok with that kind of thing once we got to know each other sexually a bit better. He also keeps asking if I came, and I've mentioned in a round about way that I can't really come via sex itself and need oral/toys/hands ect to make it happen and even then it doesn't always and purely depends on my mood and if I want to come or not, sometimes I just enjoy the feeling of sex itself but I do not ever get the end result from it (which I am more than perfectly happy with). If would've thought he'd realise a lot of women have the same trouble? I was honest with him and told him I didn't come but quickly said it was in no way based on a reflection of his performance, but still he keeps asking and I hate to keep saying no even though I won't lie. He asked if I liked him going down on me as he didn't think enjoyed it, as I kind of pulled him off after a few minutes as I just wasn't in the mood to come like I mentioned before, but I was happy to let him have his turn.I feel so out of touch with sex both with myself and with a sexual partner. I know what I like but find it hard to express as it's been a while and my previous sexual relationship with my ex after many years really died and I've found it hard to get my confidence back again. We literally knew each other inside and out until we drifted apart in the bedroom a couple of years before our split.
Really need some good advice, I don't feel too easy talking about sex especially with someone new but I am open minded.
Omg you guys sound so compatible!
You need to be confident and just express what you like/don't like! Communication is key Hun.
The fact you guys are in a fairly new relationship, yet seem to have connected so well sexually (albeit you're both guarded)! It seems to me that, once you both lay out your expectations and boundaries, you two will have sooooo much fun!
Relax and enjoy 😊 Good luck lady x
while the appears to be some good advice already given have you thought about one of the games that LH sell? Nookie or Monogamy perhaps?