Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice really, I guess on both sex and relationships.
I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months now, he's great and all the rest of it. We're temporarily long distance (but see each other every 2 or 3 weekends) and I'll be leaving the country for three months next months (before returning to his city).
My problem is, when we're together he's super affectionate, we have lots of fun and lots to talk about and he talks about plans for us in the future that coincide with when I get back etc, however when I'm home we barely speak via text/phonecall and when we do it's very much 'how was your day?' type stuff or I feel like I'm keeping him from going about his business.
The main issue though I suppose, is that we have never spoken about 'us', our past relationships or even sex!!! I find this very odd. At first it was very refreshing to not hear about exes and obsess over other women and not have anything to judge or feel insecure about... he was a complete blank canvas to me. However now, it's a genuine concern because I feel like if we take away the physical... we could be mistaken as just friends.
On an emotional level I feel like I don't know him at all. I don't know when his last relationship was, how long it was for, how many serious girlfriends he's had, what his type is, if he wants kids, marriage, what he likes in a woman. I don't actually know how it's got this far without knowing all of that as I'm a talker and like to share and hear other peoples stories.
Even with sex, we have never ever spoken about our sex life, it's like we have sex (which is good to be fair) but then it's never mentioned again. So in terms of what he likes, what I like, what we have or haven't / would or wouldn't be able to try... we haven't discussed!
Reading it back it is very odd! I think because our situation is unconventional and we both know I'm going away we've both been holding back a little in terms of getting too close to eachother, so perhaps that's why this lack of communication has gone under my radar. It was only when I wondered to myself about how many women he's taken home to meet his parents and then felt awkward about thinking it that I realised there was a problem!
He's also not really into dirty talk - the most he's ever said is 'do you like that' one time, which sucks as I like to really go for it but feel awkward doing so! So I'm wondering if he's just shy about all things sex/relationship related?
So my question is, is that I'm aware I need to speak to him and communicate (and trust me I want to!) but how do I go about it? Do I make reference to the fact that we haven't disucussed these things which is usually part of the getting to know someone process, or just dive straight in with the questions?
I don't want to seem like I'm prying, or all of a sudden jumping on him with the 'where is this going' conversation... because I also kind of want to say to him that as I'm travelling for a bit I don't want him to be waiting around for me (as nice as that' be, but I'm realistic). I also don't want him to think I have the attitude of 'other guys would have spoke about this' or kind of point fingers or blame..?
Any help is much appreciated, I'll be seing him this weekend and hoping to have this conversation then.
Thanks all x