So recently (as in nearly two weeks ago) I've recieved some bad news and I've been told I might have ovarian cancer. I'm currently awaiting a scan to confirm this next week. This has absolutely devastated me, as a 28year old mum of two its completely thrown me off kilter. I'm pretty sure it would do the same for anyone.
I won't lie in the fact that it's sort of consuming me at the minute and I'm away with the fairies a lot of the time. My mind is completely off sex! My darling husband of 10years is being so supportive but I can tell he is struggling. We are usual fairly active so its effecting me too
Any tips on how I can try and get my head back in the game? I usually love any sort of intimacy with him but it's just the last thing on my mind at the mo. However we are both becoming a tad grumpy lol
Sorry for the ramble folks. It's still hard to get my head round
It has been a shock to you and your OH, I would say that you take time for yourself and try not to worry about other things at this time. Once you have time to digest the vast amount of information that will be hitting you and the emotional turmoil you must be feeling, I am sure that things will sort themselves out. As in must things communication is key, your OH will be going through a raft of emotions also so keep talking. The intimacy side will sort itself out when you are both ready, perhaps book a night away somewhere nice. All the best.
That's some pretty shitty news, even by bad news standards. I'm really sorry to hear that, and I hope your scan next week reveals it to be something entirely benign.
Sometimes sex has to take a backseat when life throws you a curveball. I'm sure your husband completely understands this, and the reason you're both grumpy is more about health worries/implications rather than sexual tension.
I wouldn't worry about sex so much under the circumstances, I'd concentrate more on intimacy. There's something incredibly comforting in a loved one's embrace, and it sounds like you could both do with a little bit of that right now.
As someone who has had a couple of cancer scares in the past I completely understand how terrifying it is and how ,even if you try not to let it, just dominates your thoughts for your whole waking day.
I'm not surprised your both a tad grumpy! You have every right to be. To be honest if sex is the last thing on your mind I wouldn't try to force it. I can remember feeling like I just wanted sex so that it would take my mind off the problem and I could just feel like myself again but it was so hard to push all those thoughts out of my mind long enough to enjoy the pleasure .
As corny as it sounds a nice long cuddle and just feeling protected and safe in your loved ones arms goes a hell of a long way x
It just completely shocked me to be honest. I've had some issues for a while but just never even expected this to be a possibility. Didn't help that the doctor called me at work on my lunch break to tell me, and I hadn't even been informed this was something they were testing for.
I think maybe that's what I mean as in I don't even know how to get the intimacy back. He just looks at me like I'm broken, which I know comes from a heartfelt place, and then I'm just sort of zoned out and before I know it an hour based gone by without me even noticing.
I'm quite an independent person - even to the point that I'm going to the scan on my own - but I don't know how to break down the barriers a little to let him in. Which maybe is causing some of the problem? I guess there is no short fix until after I've found out for sure. But it feels better to at least get the words out of my system!
I think it all starts with a hug. 🙂 Maybe make some time tonight after the kids are in bed to curl up on the sofa, watch TV together, and enjoy the closeness. I don't think he's looking at you like you're broken (though I appreciate why you may see it like that), I think he's looking for some cues from you as to what you want/need right now. Independence is great, but don't think that asking for comfort (or help) undermines that in any way.
This post brought tears to my eyes, I am so sorry you are going through this, I can completely relate to what you are going through right now so know that it is completely normal to be feeling that way and it consuming you, honestly sex should be the last thing on your mind and intimacy and trying to talk or a shoulder to cry on should be where your focus is at and what will make you even more stronger as a couple. I’m single and would regularly sit on the sofa crying at night in the dark, hell i still do as a lot going on but my point is if you don’t have to don’t, it’s not a nice feeling, it’s very lonely, let your husband be your shoulder, he will need it as much as you. I’m In my 30s, have two children and not long had a scare, only a few people around me know, it is the most horrendous feeling in the world, it feels like a tornado has just ripped right through your world and I had loads of other crap going on too, not quite sure how I got through it but I did. I felt very angry that is also normal. I have ongoing issues and I do get scared still. I think while your post had me in tears for all the obvious reasons the bit that really ate away at me was the part where you are independent and going to the scan/ appointments on your own, please rethink that. I had to, I had no choice and it was horrific, I broke down in tears shaking in a corridor, you need that support there whether you realise or not, you need that support, please rethink that. Your husband will want to be there All the best, my thoughts are with you
Thanks so much for all your replies. Certainly things I'm going to try and take on board and you have given me a lot to think about.
I've been a mixture of emotions to be honest. I know this is cliche as no-one expects it, but truly its come as such a shock. As I said I got the call a couple of weeks ago whilst I was at work to say my results had come back high, I hadn't even known the doctor was testing me for it.
I know it likely sounds cold or extreme the fact I'm going on my own, but I genuinely think whatever news I get, good or bad, I need to be able to process it myself before having to worry about being there for someone else.
Husband had planned to come with me initially but I had a second letter bringing my appointment forward and due to circumstances beyond our control he actually can't come. There are others that could come and I will think on it.
Fully understandable if no-one wants to share their details but, I'd love to hear of anyone having the blood test for ovarian cancer and then what happened at the scan after and any experiences.
@ Forever His: I'm so sorry to hear this. Health news of this type is very worrying - you and everyone close to you will have their own way of reacting and then coping.
I've had a couple of breast issues which needed investigating (just cysts each time) and I've had cervical cells removed. My OH came with me most times because we both decided that. One time a close female friend came with me instead, and that went well, another time I went by myself.
Only you know the support you need and what those closest to you can provide. When I went by myself I found it very helpful to write things down, like a letter, and just hand it to the consultant to read - this gives you time to think at home about what you'd like to say, and gives consultants something to go on rather than the (for me, tearful) conversation you might have when you meet. My OH is a consultant in the NHS and encouraged this approach.
In terms of intimacy I wouldn't worry at all about sex - it will all kick back in, in due course. What you (both) need now is intimacy - talking, cuddling, kissing - public and private displays of affection, just doing things you both enjoy - hobbies/interests, not just bedroom stuff. If bedroom stuff happens then all well and good but I think other ways of being close to each other might mean more for a while.
Just cuddle up. Love and support each other. Find ways of feeling good about yourself, especially on days you feel ill or tired. Stock up the fridge with things you like to eat.
Best of luck for your diagnosis and any treatment - I'm sure we will all be thinking of you here, let us know in your own time how things go.
Evening folks. So I had my scan today and didn't really get any news or more information to be honest. She kept very quiet throughout but when I asked her at the end she did say she thought things looked normal but to call the doctors in about a week... so it's something at least I suppose and somewhat positive!
Evening folks. So I had my scan today and didn't really get any news or more information to be honest. She kept very quiet throughout but when I asked her at the end she did say she thought things looked normal but to call the doctors in about a week... so it's something at least I suppose and somewhat positive!
Radiographers are not allowed to tell you anything - that's the consultant's job. It isn't about positive or negative results - it is about who has the training to deliver any news (OH is nhs consultant).
But the fact that she said what she did is very hopeful - given the rules, she wouldn't have said that unless she was pretty sure within her own area of expertise.
I'm really hoping it all goes well for you. After a couple of weeks, if you don't hear anything, you could phone your consultant's secretary and ask for the scan reports to be emailed to you. They might do that.
Fingers crossed that all is well and that you can stop being so worried - a nightmare for you and I hope you have good news soon.
Evening folks. So I had my scan today and didn't really get any news or more information to be honest. She kept very quiet throughout but when I asked her at the end she did say she thought things looked normal but to call the doctors in about a week... so it's something at least I suppose and somewhat positive!
Radiographers are not allowed to tell you anything - that's the consultant's job. It isn't about positive or negative results - it is about who has the training to deliver any news (OH is nhs consultant).
But the fact that she said what she did is very hopeful - given the rules, she wouldn't have said that unless she was pretty sure within her own area of expertise.
I'm really hoping it all goes well for you. After a couple of weeks, if you don't hear anything, you could phone your consultant's secretary and ask for the scan reports to be emailed to you. They might do that.
Fingers crossed that all is well and that you can stop being so worried - a nightmare for you and I hope you have good news soon.
Forever his, so this is a horrid situation, but it’s not all bad. The fac5 that the radiographer made a comment at all, is positive. The fact that the Dr has not called you is also positive. If there is a result that confirms a malignancy the GP will contact you to make an appointment ASAP. They want to start the treatment process as soon as possible because that’s how you get the best results.
As for sex. When your emotions are alll over the place it’s just not going to happen, or feel satisfying if it does. Try to maintain intimacy, invite him into the bath with you, or even just cudddle. It’s the contact that is important.
Fingers crossed for a result soon and they you can move forward.
Evening folks. So I had my scan today and didn't really get any news or more information to be honest. She kept very quiet throughout but when I asked her at the end she did say she thought things looked normal but to call the doctors in about a week... so it's something at least I suppose and somewhat positive!
Yes, it's that silence while they're scanning makes you think the worst but they're just concentrating on their job and they are not allowed to give you too much info.
I've had plenty of ultra sounds, an MRI and a mammogram , various breast and uterine biopsies and the most nerve wracking part is waiting for results. Sometimes they recall you for another test, don't panic if they do, sometimes they just need clearer results, it doesn't necessarily mean its bad news.
Hope you get some good news asap , then you can finally give that big sigh of relief and get on with your life x
Thought I'd pop on with an update as a closure to the thread type thing.
So after lots of waiting and backwards and forwards, there was error the first time they sent them and then they sent them to the wrong surgery- the doctors called me at 5.45 today.
My scan was all clear! All looked as normal as could be and I dont have cancer!
I am over the moon. It's one of those things in that you don't realise how much it is really consuming you until you are able to let it go. I've got to have further investigations to try and find out what it actually wrong with me but at least it isn't the worst..
Anyway, thank you so much for all your kind words, I can't wait to try and get back to normal. 🙌🥳👍❤