Ok, so I'm in a happy, stable relationship with a guy who puts a lot of effort into pleasuring me and gave me my first ever orgasm. I recently discovered things aren't so great on his end, he "finishes" but doesn't "orgasm" if you know what i mean. Or at least gets very little pleasure from it. He won't tell me how i can improve but isn't very experimental. He says he doesn't mind our sex life how it is but i feel like i should be putting more effort in. The annoying thing I'm good at oral sex but he won't let me do it! It feels weird to him. Because of this i am always the one who instigates sex. :( Help!
Hmm, difficult one xeno.
I think I can understand what your OH is experiencing, as I've often experienced less than fantastic orgasms during intercourse.
Its a shame he doesn't want you do perform oral on him, as I'm sure you would blow him away (so to speak!).
A few ideas for you to think on:
Have you considered using your hands or other parts of your body to stimulate him to orgasm? It may feel less "weird" to him, but still give you the opportunity to play with him more.
How about getting him to pull out when he's getting close, and finish with his own hand. The direct stimulation may make a difference, and the visual aspect of him cumming on boobs, tummy or pussy may be a turn on for him or both of you.
Vary the positions you use, and try to get him to finish in different ones. This does make a difference, for example, I find it difficult to orgasm with my partner on top, but if turns around and rotates her hips in reverse cowgirl, I can cum like a rocket.
I dont have much experience with female and male sex but when me and another guy had this problem a while ago we found like toycar sugested pulling out at the last minute helped him alot.
Also have you considered a tenga egg or something like that?
maybe you could try some simple things like looking up a few tips on how to give a really amazing hand job. you could ask him to show you what he likes and what 'moves' feel good.
when it comes to sex you could try clenching and unclenching your pelvic floor muscles- always feels good for both of us- and see what his reaction is.
all i can really think of at the mo i'm afraid
maybe his pleasure is giving you pleasure
For me i get more enjoyment giving an orgasam than having one!
Might sound a Tad weird but My Ex had a Pink Flamingo Vibe which she left at mine when we split - Would have never though of using a vibe on myself but using the tip I have amazing orgasms - Glad she left it now as apart from my fleshlight it's now one of my fave toys, not sure your man sounds like he might be up for that though - worth a try though..
Thanks for all the tips! We had sex the other day and tried a good 5 or 6 different position and he still said he felt barely anything when he finished and rated it 5/10. :( I suggested the pulling out when he got close idea, as, as i said, he hates experimenting and it seems the most tame of the bunch :P but he said no and wont even give me a reason why not :( I'm really at a loss here :/
How about kegal exercises? For him and you and for you to try around him?
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/170212-do-kegel-excersises-work/
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/blog/2010/05/18/how-to-do-pelvic-floor-exercises-and-why-you-should/
Or the We-Vibe II?
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14504
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How about building anticipation? It may give him a stronger orgasm x
Or, ahem, testing his rear with a finger while he is in you..?
You've all been incredibly helpful, thank you for that. :) I've managed to get him from a 5 to a 7 out of 10 just by talking to him more and strengthening our relationship outside of the bedroom. This has in turn sparked his interest in trying new positions and techniques, he still isn't keen on toys, (but I'm thinking of getting a sqweel for myself to follow Rouge's advice on exploring myself) but he has shown a willingness to be more experimental. He's lost certain emotional outlets recently that has forced him to talk to me more about his feelings, and as that has made us closer, he's feeling more comfortable talking about sex. He gave me an orgasm that I was still feeling for 20 minutes after we'd finished today. So I'd say things are looking up ;) Thank you all again! It wouldn't have happened without you. (the building tension thing was particularly genius, although at one stage I did go too far the other way and kill his sex drive for the evening. oops!)
LoveHoney - Hella Rouge wrote:
At the end of the day, every individual has to take responsibility for their own pleasure. If sex with a partner isn't working, it's up to both partners to make a change for the better. He doesn't sound very willing, so he shouldn't be surprised to find sex unsatisfying. It's important that you don't start blaming yourself.
So true Hella.
We like watching porn vids first or during sex and try to copy the sex scenes. This helped me big time and we started to talk to each other about what pleases and satisfies us the most. We have sex toys and kinky outfits now and sex is awesooooooooooome. Stick with it and try not to pressure him otherwise he will shut off.
Good luck hun.
Very pleased for you Xeno, keep up the good work.
xenotiger wrote:
You've all been incredibly helpful, thank you for that. :) I've managed to get him from a 5 to a 7 out of 10 just by talking to him more and strengthening our relationship outside of the bedroom. This has in turn sparked his interest in trying new positions and techniques, he still isn't keen on toys, (but I'm thinking of getting a sqweel for myself to follow Rouge's advice on exploring myself) but he has shown a willingness to be more experimental. He's lost certain emotional outlets recently that has forced him to talk to me more about his feelings, and as that has made us closer, he's feeling more comfortable talking about sex. He gave me an orgasm that I was still feeling for 20 minutes after we'd finished today. So I'd say things are looking up ;) Thank you all again! It wouldn't have happened without you. (the building tension thing was particularly genius, although at one stage I did go too far the other way and kill his sex drive for the evening. oops!)
Brilliant news! Congratulations!
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