I would like to ask The Community for some advice. I haven't got a clue how to 'solve' my problem.
Here goes....................
About two years ago my wife had an afair. It went on for around 6-8 months. I never stopped loving her during this time and I 'encouraged her' to to try to start our relationship again once the afair was over. During the time we were apart she moved out and rented a flat.
When we began 'seeing' each other again, our sex was back to it's best. She explained that she was sorry and sometimes had issues when we made love. She told me she felt 'guilty'. I had some thoughts about them being together but made it my priority to forget the past and look to the future.
We still live apart and see each other two to three times a week. (MOD COMMENT: BEFORE/AFTER LOCKDOWN IS OVER)
My issue is that my wife appears not to want sex at all now. We still get along fine but whenever it might be a moment to enjoy each other, she finds 'something' other to do.
I want to make love with her but it is just not happening. I am romantic, caring and loving towards her (I think) but I understand what she is gone through I would love to show her love in a physical way as well as the loving I show her normally.
So my dilema is what to do about my sexual needs. I enjoy sex!! I have thought about trying to start an afair of my own. I have tried talking with my wife but she just says Aren't you happy we're back together? and becomes angry. PLEASE guys what would you do in my situation??
Sounds like you need to move on, if she thinks that just being together is enough after her affair, it seems you will be destined for a life without intimacy and the nagging suspicion she's getting it elsewhere. Having an affair of your own is not going to solve anything.
Ok so please don't be hurt by what I'm going to say.
To me it sounds like your relationship has run its course. It sounds like she is with you out of a feeling of guilt, and your with her because your not ready to accept things are over. Don't get me wrong it's hard to face but your clearly not happy. Things will never be the same as they were before her affair, and it doesn't sound like the two of you are able to get past this together in a mutually happy way.
I would call it a day and try to remain friends, as you clearly still like each other, you just might not be able to move forward together in a relationship.
I apologise as this will be hard to read, please think on what I have said. I don't know the intricate details of how your relation ship has evolved. Please do the best thing for you.
You're welcome, you seem very eager to forgive and forget, and mention "What she's been through" as if she's the victim. Why do you only see each other a couple of times a week? Is it logistical or work pattern related, or something else? I think deep down you know the score and asking us for advice is confirming it. I wish i could say persevere, but after 2 years the relationship is regressing rather than progressing if intimacy is already off the table, and you only see each other twice a week. If it was me, by now i'd be expecting to be living together and having regular sex two years down the line.
As awful as it is it looks as though this relationship has come to an end. You seem to have tried really hard to make it work and appear to have been incredibly understanding during what must have been a horrible and sad situation but sometimes things just can't be undone.
Obviously you still have sexual needs and it doesn't look like these will be met by your wife. It's not a fair situation to expect that you go without your own sexual pleasure but the thing is if you stay things will most likely just fester away in the background until you start to resent each other.
As you have said, you've tried talking but it doesn't seem to resolve things and just ends in your wife getting angry. I think trying to remain friends is the best you'll be able to do . I do hope you can manage to move on with your life and find true happiness with someone else in the future.
Confused07 my heart goes out to you. Sending virtual cuddles. I’m afraid I agree with the above. Take things at your own pace but if you do end up breaking it off be firm with yourself. There will be someone out there for you
WillC In answer to your question..... we spend time apart because I think my wife is trying to 'sort herself out' and not jump straight back into a full on relationship. This is what I get from our discussions. Maybe I am a soft touch?? Maybe it's because I wanted her back so badly that I accept this situation. But again thank you for giving me your considered advice.....It is being listened to..... It's whether I can act on it. Man-up time??
Hey babe only you can decide that...have a good think. It's hard when it's actually you that's wearing the shoes...Good Luck whatever you decide to do...😘
Hi Wildflower Thank you for your thoughts and advice. X You, like the rest of the guys who haven taken time to reply, are saying what I should be doing. I can be brave and strong....until the moment I see her, when I just revert to mush! Sad I think but I have to get past that. Don't want the relationship to fester away. We are such good friends. That is what makes it so so difficult. But I appreciate that good advice Thank you x
We only offer our advice based on what you told us, only you know the exact situation and only you can decide. But don't sacrifice future happiness for an ideal that isn't realistic.
Hello Hourglass 95 and thank you for your answer .....and the hugs (nice x) I will have to very strict with myself to go through with it, because I will find it so difficult. I think you mentioned something else as in 'There will be someone else' out there for me. I am struggling to actually see that. I ain't a Tom Cruise or the like! Lol. I am a 50 something guy with a low esteem of myself.... Who on earth would require any of that?? X
Hugs are always needed x I have previously been in an on off relationship where breaking up was very difficult so I get what you mean. With regards to you being older, don’t write yourself off! Personally I like older men and I’m sure there are other out there who do too. You’re clearly a sexual person to be on the Lovehoney forum so don’t feel like you have to miss out on that xo
Loads of women out there who will want you babe...50 something...you still have plenty left to give and share with a special person don't be hard on yourself...virtual hugs...😘