How could he do this to me?...

Sex Tips & Talk
21

hey guys

sorry i havent replied for a while, thank you for all the advice, support and hugs :-)

things still aren't great but i suppose there better than they were...

ill try catch you up on everything...

when it happened on the friday, i went to his saturday to sort out the savings account, we went upstairs to get away from family members interfering. just ended up crying and hugging eachother. he still had this wall up..though he said he'd been crying, but hasnt shown any emotion to me. he then went to say 'i love...' then his mom barged in and made me leave...?!?

i walked straight out. he followed me downstairs. i went home.

then a few texts later.

we needed to talk, so agreed on dinner, i went there putting on a front, try not to get upset, as soon as i sat down and started talking i broke down, couldnt help it, didnt stop all night...we were there for 3 hours, i did most of the talking, he still barely said anything. he said he didnt know what to say, he said hed been a mess and just crying all the time...and apparently after i left his saturday.he "fell to the floor and couldnt move for over an hour", although some moments it was just asif nothing had happened and we were laughing and joking like we used to, but then it was like he'd realised he'd let his 'barriers' down and they'd immediatly go straight back up. after a while it seemed like he couldnt wait to leave. so we decided to go. he drove me home as i was too upset. all through dinner he held my hand? stroked my hand, kept hugging me?

is it me or mixed signals? no wonder my heads so messed up.

then he said he wouldnt leave till i went inside at home, we then had a long look at eachother as i opened the door and then he walked away.

he said hed text to just chat, see how eachothers days have been, start the friendship. i did stupidly text him just a quick chat about a festival lineup. nothing much. he did text back but like i know it sounds daft and everythings taken out of context over text but it was just sharp, cold.

on the saturday (1 week ago) i found out he'd gone and brought a car with our savings. . . yes, from his half, but we hadnt even divided it or sorted it out. and it had been a week!!
i was fuming, i stupidly let my anger take over and i confronted him. he was cold, heartless, like he couldnt care less. i questioned how he was during dinner and he said he was just 'comforting me' >_< he couldnt understand why i was so upset. he got angry...

he then walked away and i shouted "thats it, walk away, thats all you know what to do" ...

damn that anger.

and stupid me again felt awful, so i text him the next day apologising, we then did talk over text.

it was ok. it just feels like hes being so heartless.

he wants to be friends, yet hes treating me like an enemy.

i shouldnt even give him the friend option.

the only reason i have is because i cant loose him completely.

me typing all this makes him sound like a right nob...but i know he isnt, i know he isnt being himself. he even admits im the only person who knows the real him. and vice versa.

then...to top it all off, yes stupid facebook became involved...to sum it up, at the start of our relationship we had problems which were caused by some slag 'so called friend' of his. im not delfending him but he didnt know what she was up to, she was a sneaky bitch, then he realised and said he didnt want anything to do with her. his other friends agreed what she was like. i never made him choose.
well. as soon as she catches a glimpse that im no longer in the picture, shes straight in there like a fly round shit.
i emailed him those exact words. he replied "not really fussed either way tbh", i replied by saying i knew it would happen, its just a punch in the face blah blah blah, he then replied "i dont want to talk about it, im not talking about this"
he wont talk about anything! then i replied "running away wont do you any favours, your conscionce will catch up with you sooner or later"

i know it sounds like tit for tat. :-/

but yesterday, i just text everything, just explaining, no wonder how hard i try or how much you dont want me to i cant help how i feel, you need to give an explanation or talk so that we can both get closure. he didnt reply. i rang him this morning, we chatted for a bit, it was fine, he said that it needs a bit more time but we'll go to dinner as friends the week after next.

which is......?

flipping valentines....

the time we were sposed to be on a romantic break at a spa in wales.

what to do.

i know im going on but i thought i should keep you updated.

butters x

22

I'd walk away, seriously just drop and go, don't even bother with trying to be friends at this point, Maybe 6 months down the line when the aftermath has cleared then consider friendship but for now, walk away x

23

trust me, if i could cut all tie's, i would, but we have things that still need sorting out. like all the savings stuff. he keeps putting it off. his stuffs still here in black bags, he said he'd come get it, but not yet. ive removed all pictures from my laptop, removed every memory like keepsakes. i know its not healthy, but there still isnt a reason why he's done/doing this, not even an excuse was given. its like he's reverted back into a niiave, stupid, impressionable teenager. for example, before we were together he used to go out binge drinking almost every night, he stopped, i never said anything about it but he went on and on at me about how hes grown up and realised he doesnt need all that rubbish anymore...last night, he went out and got plastered and made himself ill. its feels like he's trying to tell/show people i stopped himf rom ding what he wanted. like drinking, buying a car etc. when as a matter of fact i kept telling him to see his mates, to do something so hes not stuck at home all the time, if it wasnt for me he wouldnt be drivig full stop, he stopped his lessons after a few months and his dad went on at me to get him to start them again which he did and passed. then he had to sell his car a year later cause he couldnt afford the insurance, so i payed for him to go on mine so he could remain driving. he's just thrown everything ive done for him back in my face, and it pisses me off. i dont want all this to happen but it has and im trying to fid a way to stop it turning bad by constant arguments, so thats why im trying to remain friends no matter how much i love him or how much i want to tear his bollocks off...

*sigh*

24

The reality is you may never know why, so you have to deal with the situation as it is. I was with a guy over seven years, til he said he was leaving me, never told me why, just moved out. Initially I was raw with it, then the anger came, I removed every trace of him from the flat and focussed on repairing myself after his ill treatment.

He seems to be displaying the signs of someone who got scared of the commitment and thought he was missing out on some aspects of life, drinking, mates, maybe even other women etc, so rather than wait around for him to pick up and put down at his convenience, start taking control, put his stuff in the shed or garage or something and tell him it's there to be collected, see what you need to do about the savings and do it, if he can take money out to buy a car then you can take your share out and put it in your own account, then start rediscovering life.

I know you think there will never be anyone else, have been there believe me, but it's not true, there will be, maybe not immediately and maybe not even the next person you meet, but there will be. This guy was just a stepping stone and a lesson for you to find the right person.

You can do it, you can be strong and you can take control! Good luck x

25

i know what your all saying, and i do completely agree with you.
the bank said we had to close the joint account together as there is a slight dispute, so wont let me close it myself. and it definatly needs closing as we have to pay a monthly payment for the account, and ive told him straight, i dont see why i should keep paying if he isnt. im not paying to keep it open because he keeps putting it off.

i completely agree with the fact that it seems hes chickened out/got cold feet/ being a cowardly bastard. ive come to that conclusion myself...he denies it, but so be it.

like i said, not once have i ever stopped him from doing anything he wanted to. he had control of the relationship and he always got his way, just so i could avoid mardys and arguments with him. hes welcome to go sleep around, get an sti and have his dick shrivle up and drop off for all i care, no one and i mean no one will put up with the shit i did. and im a fool, im stupid, im the first to admit that.

hes just been emailing me again about some concert tickets that we'd ordered. if he keeps answering, surely hes holding on, same with putting everything off. i want to cut him out completely, but by doing this, he's not letting me.

i know im gunna do everyones head in, cause i do my own in. i do appreciate the advice and support though.

26

Sounds like he's a control freak to me, and is making sure he still has an element of control over you, wanting his cake and eating it spring to mind. Start making some decisions, arrange a time to close the account and tell him he has to be there, or get the necessary forms and sort it that way.

He seems to have made his decision and is just playing with you dangling random carrots, stop letting him, take control.... Don't mis-read him emailing as a sign as anything other than whatever he emailed for, if he wanted to make a go of it again, he would be doing much more than emailing, he would be acting, he isn't, so stop letting him run your life. He's made his choice, albeit not one you wanted, it's out of your control, so start taking control of what you can, it will be worth it.

Sorry if this appears harsh, that's not my intention but it's how I see it based on what you have said...

27

Butters, you can close the account if there is no outstanding monies to be paid on it, ie- overdraft. But if there is, you can still make the account defunct. The account will still exist but will be non functional, you will just pay off any account fees. You need to make an appt with the bank asap to do this! I've been through something similar.

You take control of the situation!

Get your head sorted girl! Forget about him. It sounds like he's met somebody else to me. Sorry for sounding harsh but don't let him mess you around. Like MTC said, he's having his cake and eating it. Sometimes you can't see what's going on from the inside Butters. You need to speak to people who are looking on from outside the relationship.

Get the bank sorted, take every penny out and give him what's his, stop him emailing, give him all his stuff back. Let him collect it don't you be running around after him letting him call the shots, he's got s car now so he can pick it up. Fuck it, he can carry it if he has to! Cut him out and tell him nothing about what you're doing, going, who, what, where.

You sound like a nice girl and I'm quite sure you'll meet a better person at some stage.

Do not be a doormat Butters!! Like Toying said "get mean!"

You deserve much better than this.
SG x

28

thank you everyone, i really appreciate it :)

i know im too nice for my own good! its been said over and over again.

im beginning too see him for what he is...think i must have been drunk for the whole relationship lol

my minds been on other things the last couple of days, ive died my hair (cause he never let me) im getting a tattoo tomorrow and im becoming 'me' again :)

funny thing happened too, since it happened, ive had offers from about 5 guys, but last night just randomely a guy started talking to me and we havent stopped for 24 hours, sad as it seems. but he sounds ok. ive decided to give him a chance, we have alot in common and are enjoying the conversations. hes come out of a relationship too and neither of us want a rebound, so were just talking, getting to know eachother, its made me start to realise just how wrong the ex was for me, and he didnt deserve me.

ill deal with him when the time comes.

things are looking up guys :) thank you so so much!

x

29

chat away to guys, find out what you like, just don't jump into another relationship, cause for disaster so soon. Play the field, join a dating site, have fun and most of all BE YOU :)

30

thank you so much everyone, dont worrying im not rushing into anything, i said that too him straight away and he still seems ok, well see where it goes. ive finally got something to look forward too, i havent been able to stop smiling :-) x

31

That's great news, Butters. I know what it's like, and frankly it can sweep you off your feet. But stay cool, make friends and see what happens with YOU. Get yourself straight before adding more demands to your life.

Hope it all goes swimmingly well. .

MrMr

32

glad you are moving on butters but does all seem rather quick, just be friends and see how it goes, it does sound rebound to me as last week you were missing your man and begging him back and week later you are ready to date again, im not being harsh,, just be careful as could all end in tears as at the moment your emotions are all over the place

33

i'm with rach, sounds like you've hit a rebound guy, i'd take a step back

34

its okay guys. i told him from the word go that im not looking for anything, i dont want a relationship just yet, i dont want a rebound or fuck buddy. he seemed absolutly fine with it and said he's the same, so were just talking, getting to know eachother, im not the type to rush ANYTHING aha i will admit i do still miss luke but whats happeneds happened. i can see now that i could never take him back though.

:)

butters x

35

its okay guys. i told him from the word go that im not looking for anything, i dont want a relationship just yet, i dont want a rebound or fuck buddy. he seemed absolutly fine with it and said he's the same, so were just talking, getting to know eachother, im not the type to rush ANYTHING aha i will admit i do still miss luke but whats happeneds happened. i can see now that i could never take him back though.

:)

butters x

36

There will be a guy out there who, You will mean the world too and he will mean the world to You.

Its just finding him or him finding YOU.

I have been lucky and have not had to deal with break up as I have been with my wife since she was 14 and I18

it was just ment to be.

The other guy is best forgot wait for the man that will give you the world :-)

Men are plonks sometimes i should know.

37

Hope you are feeling much happier. One thing that has bugged me reading this is his mums involvement in this.I'd give it time as I don't doubt he is took it easily either. As others have said just keep your distance, if you really did mean anything to him, he'll talk.

Anyway back to his mum, is it a case that she thinks he's too good for you? With the whole barging in during a private conversation show that she has no respect for him, and maybe even unable to make his own decisions. To me, that is the cause not that someone else may have taken his fancy. If she is controlling him like this then I feel very sorry for him as he will never be happy.

It's just a shame we can only hear one side of the story. As for this potential new guy, it doesn't hurt keeping your options open. Whatever happens in the end I'm sure you'll be happy.