Okay, so I know my boyfriend has a secret thing for bondage and I'm thinking of getting a pair of handcuffs to surprise him with for Valentine's day. However I am a pretty shy person and while I know he'd like me to be more sexually aggressive, I'm not really sure how to do it without feeling awkward. Has anyone got any tips on how to start out? I'm not ready for anything major but just little things I can do or say would be fantastic
its hard the first time i had a bondage thing and was scared to do anything! but you talk it threw with your boyfriend see what he likes and what would pleasure him just try it dont be scared be yourself!x
If you're just using cuffs to dominate him, then it's all about the tone of your voice. If you sound vulnerable, then you'll feel it. He'll feed off it too. If he wants you to be more sexualy aggressive, imagine he's a dog that's just dug up your garden. You're going to order it to do as you say and you're going to expect it straight away. That's the right sort of tone.
I remember my first time being a dom. I was so worried about whether I was getting it right and I started doubting myself. Try and be as confident as you possibly can be, as your own mind will end up being your worst enemy.
Another thing is say is that you need to try and talk first. Lots. Communication is such a key factor when playing with BDSM. Talk about what you both want and what you don't. That way, you'll both know where you stand. You don't have to tell him your surprise, just try and have a normal conversation about it.
My best advice would be to do some reading when you have a minute. There are absolutely tons of information websites about being a dom. It's where I'm still learning new things, even after years of it.
Best of luck with it all. You're asking in the right place as there are loads of people on here who can offer you advice.
Pretty much all you can do is discuss it with him in depth for now. You absoloutly can't start without this no matter how mild or extreme you intend to be. You may even find through talking and trying things that you do not want to be dom at all. When i first ventured into this kind of lifestyle I thought i wanted to be dominant until i went to a fetish night. I went with the intention of finding out if the woman tunning it could teach me the art of sominance in the hope of getting a job at her nights. That all changed about ten mins into the session. Rooms and rooms full of people bound to dungeon equiptment and all sorts and it hit me.. I wanted to be the one with no control! I wanted to be trained!
Be sure you know what you both want :) and enjoy it! Explore it, experiment with switching roles until you find what works for you.
Sorry for the typos! It wont let me edit.
Tone of the voice is essential, the deliverance of disciplin can be done in so many ways, but its essential you communicate before hand, dont go across boundries that have been set by the both of you :)
Thank you all for the advice, it's very helpful stuff! I will definitely talk to him some more, he's pretty shy about it but he's told me a fair amount in bits and pieces. The stuff about the tone of voice is great. The confidence is definitely what I'll struggle with but knowing more about what he's into will help with that I'm sure
Are you going to blindfold him? We're very much beginners as far as this kind of thing goes but I find being both restrained and blindfolded immediately puts me in a position of implicit power and so makes everything I do - no matter how small - 'dommy'. But like I say, we're just dabblers really.
Have fun., :)
Blindfolding is definitely a good idea if you're self conscious about being dominant, knowing they can't see you helps massively when you start out and let's you focus on the vocal side of things without worrying about looking confident. Having a little drink beforehand might help too - not to get off your face, but maybe just take the edge off your inhibitions. Know what you're going to say and do before you start, as trying to wing it will likely end up with stumbles and stutters. Have fun!
+1 on the blindfolding!
Actually you're right, blindfolding is a great idea! I'll have to run that one past him since he's quite visual but I would definitely find it easier, at least for the first few times. And the alcohol would probably help too, tipsy sex is very enjoyable for me and he gets braver at asking for what he wants
Recommend the blindfolding If im feeling a bit nervous, I no its silly but I just say dont watch me n shove him the pillow. we usual giggle then carry on x
You can always start off with the blindfold to get his body in a state of vulnerability and give you that initial confidence, then during the same session as your confidence grows you can remove the blindfold to reveal the visual stimuli he craves. (providing he has behaved himself!). Make him want it and deserve it and both of you will have an amazing experience xx
Kitty_Blossom wrote:
You can always start off with the blindfold to get his body in a state of vulnerability and give you that initial confidence, then during the same session as your confidence grows you can remove the blindfold to reveal the visual stimuli he craves. (providing he has behaved himself!). Make him want it and deserve it and both of you will have an amazing experience xx
+1