Advice on being dominant

Sex Tips & Talk
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Hello there LH Fam,

So 1st time posting a question and I know you guys are super supportive.

So me and my man are very much into BDSM and typically I am the sub, as it is a role that just comes naturally to me. My sex life has evolved over past 4 years since being with him, however he has always been into the BDSM side of things and so has had a lot more practice etc.

Anyway he has expressed to me that he would like me to take charge more, but I just feel kinda awkward and almost intimidated, because he is SO good at what he does and I don’t want to disappoint.

Anyway… I ordered this…

As thought that would look amazing with some fishnets etc and may give a confidence boost.

We have loads of toys and restraints etc.

But I just am unsure how to approach and deliver this if that makes sense. I am 10 years older than him, so you would think I would naturally be the more dominant one :woman_facepalming:t2:

Any advice or tips, I would MASSIVELY appreciate.

Lots of love guys

Bex x

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That is going to look amazing on, lucky guy, im sure he’ll love it. :wink:

Everyone, no matter how skilled, starts out as a beginner at some point. Im sure your partner remembers what it was like when he was learning, so dont worry about getting everything perfect. Just try to relax, go slow and have fun with it.
I know having someone with alot of experience in the room can be daunting sometimes, but he’s there to support and have fun with you. Maybe try to think of it as having a skilled dom as a teacher. If you get stuck, you’ve always got someone to ask for tips.

Good luck, hope you have a brilliant time

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I’d suggest talking to him some more and finding out a little what he had in mind. I’m not saying you should ask him for a script on anything but making sure you are on the same wavelength is important; he is looking for you to spank him, to demand he give you oral sex, to use him as a footstool, to deny his orgasms or something else entirely? There are so many different facets to bdsm and he may want something very different to how he dominants you or he might want something very similar.

The body you’ve ordered is a great choice, and making a sexy outfit will definitely help your confidence. I find a prop can sometimes help too. I often use a riding crop to add to a look (even if I have no intention of using it). You may also find building yourself a character can help. Some find a full role play can help, but you don’t always have to go completely away from your own personality. Be you, just dial up the bad ass! Naming your character can be good too, even if you just add “Mistress” or “Goddess” to your name.

When it comes to putting something together, don’t try to do too much at once. Pick a couple of things you feel comfortable with and go from there. Keep it simple. Doing too much will take away from the experience for both of you.

As hard as it is, try not to compare what he does to you and what you are doing. He has more bdsm experience both generally and dominating you specifically. You might not feel like you are matching his level but that doesn’t mean that whatever you do won’t be great for him. The fact that you are doing it is a massive thing in itself.

However, the most important thing is that you enjoy it too. A lot of people forget that the Dominant one should get as much out of it as the submissive partner. Do the things that appeal to you, leave anything you aren’t comfortable with. As your confidence grows, what you enjoy may change but let that happen naturally. Don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to.

Oh and keep communicating, that’s really important. Ask him what he enjoyed and what he didn’t and let him know what you enjoyed and didn’t too.

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@Calie thankyou that is all really helpful advice!

He has mentioned a couple of things so may start with them.

I think it may be best for me rather than to plan a specific day for it just to do it on the fly when the mood takes me, so I don’t overthink it all.

Thankyou so much for your thoughtful response.

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That sounds like a good idea

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Have just taken a look at that garment. OMG I feel dominated already! :astonished:

As a fellow sub, the best advice I can offer for switching is first off to find out what kind of D/s scenario really turns your partner on (it might have a totally different flavour from the scene that works for you).

A really good way to find this out is to get him to write you an erotic story (involving fantasy characters if necessary, so it’s not about you and him) in which he can let his imagination run free describing the way he envisages being treated. Particularly, he should be tasked with describing the way the dominatrix talks, the kind of language she uses, whether she is stern, playful, mischievous, aggressive etc.

Also, when you’re trying out a scene for the first several times, give yourselves permission to fail: nobody can be an accomplished domme from day one. If things fall a bit flat, have a good laugh about it. You love each other and no matter the details of what you do together, it is ultimately an act of love, and that should never be forgotten. :heart:

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@PleasureDrone thankyou, this is great advice. We are really good at having a chuckle if things just go a bit wrong, which is really nice as it takes the pressure off.

I am totally up for giving it a go and getting him to tell or write a story is a brilliant idea, I would never have thought about that.

Thankyou :yellow_heart:

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I think it’s a good idea to just have some general ideas in your head but don’t worry about sticking to the plan too much - it never works out for me.

It may be good to watch some roleplaying porn, just to help you with some ideas and props that you may like to use.

Always have a discussion after to see what you both enjoyed and want to go further with - or to see what either of you didn’t enjoy so much.

Make sure all your stuff is nearby before you start to save messing around when you’re in the moment.

A tip, if you’re feeling nervous at first - just blindfold him until you feel a little more comfortable :slightly_smiling_face:

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That is great advice @Cupc8kes thankyou. Blindfold will be at the ready as will the toy box!

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Hi @Bex212 :slight_smile:

Love the bodysuit! It’ll look fantastic, and will give you a wee confidence boost for sure! Taking on the dominant role can be a little intimidating, especially when used to being the submissive, I was in the same boat and still even at times it can be a little daunting. What I would say, as your partner has expressed that he would like you to take charge, anything you do he will appreciate and support so don’t worry about not fulfilling his fantasies as a little can go a long way!

Build it up, it’ll grow the more confident and comfortable you get with taking on the dominant role. Dressing the part as you’ve done is a great first step, communicate with him, ask him if there’s anything that he would like you to do, and use that to make it fun and put your own wee twist to it. I had a partner who asked to be gagged, expecting tape or a gag and my own wee twist was using my knickers, he really appreciated that! Don’t feel that you have to become a hardcore dominatrix the first time, see what you both enjoy with you as the dominant one and take it from there.

As a natural submissive, I get where you’re coming from 100% I only used to be dominant after a few drinks when I was more relaxed and less inhibited but experimenting with a partner and having fun really helps, if things go wrong, or isn’t what you were expecting, or you felt silly, don’t beat yourself up, it’s a change to your mindset, but it’s not the end of the world, go with the flow and do what comes naturally to you, you never know, you might surprise yourself!

Number one advice, have fun with it! :slight_smile: Enjoy the time together, if you feel uncomfortable, let him know, ask him for some advice on what to do, even as the dominant one, have him explain what he’d like while he’s at your mercy, but I’m 100% sure the second he sees you in your outfit, his jaw is going to hit the floor!

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@MissNoir THANKYOU! I am so glad you understand where I am coming from and appreciate all your kind words and advice and tips.

Just hearing from this wonderful. Community is already really helping my mindset a bit.

Maybe a couple of drinks to loosen up a bit 1st would be a good idea.

Thankyou so much

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