Hey, So I have heard about many women struggeling to reach an orgasm during sex with a partner and I have experienced this myself and one of the reasons I got into love honey :) But I was wondering what are you guys thoughts/advice about men that seem to find it impossible to do the same, who get very close and still seem to enjoy sex but just cannot cum. What are your experineces/thoughts on this? Any advice or tips on how to help them would be much appreciated :)
Wow, this a broad topic.
It can happen for a host of reasons; I myself have expereinced mild climax without ejacuation.
For me, and this is only me, it seems to happen more when rushed or very frequent for extended periods of time... kind of like I run out of fluid before I run out of steam. I still enjoy it and am ready to go but just don't finish "normal".
When it happens I normally take a night off, drink lots of water, and the next day I am as right as rain. I realize this is different than you ongoing situation: I really just wanted to comment on the fact it can happen for different reasons and that it is still pleasurable for the guy. I know MRS had similar concerns when it happened (not as common now a day).
Thanks :) I understand it can happen to all men at some point just I hadn't met someone who never seemed to ejaculate thru sex and if it could be a sort of "stage fright" kind of thing. I just wanted to see what other peoples thoughts were, Id like to understand it better and maybe learn something so thanks :)
Is it only during sexual intercourse that he struggles to orgasm, or does he struggle no matter what kind of stimulation?
I ask because I have known/heard of a few men who struggled to orgasm during sex, but could cum fine if they masturbated. Can he orgasm if he mastrubates himself? If so then the problem is probably that he is not getting enough stimulation from sex. I have known one or two men that, for various reasons, got most of their stimulation through playing with themselves. The "problem" is that they get used to the feel of using their hands. Hands can squeeze tighter and provide more intensity in speed and sensation and I have heard of guys who just got so used to the hand that sex was just not enough to push them to orgasm. The way to break this is simple...no masturbating and re-learning. With time, he becomes more sensitive to gentler sensations, like sex.
I think you are exactly right with this situation because he only seems to manage thru masterbation. Thanks for your help as I have only really read about women having difficulties
Tasty_Cinnamon wrote:
I think you are exactly right with this situation because he only seems to manage thru masterbation. Thanks for your help as I have only really read about women having difficulties
No, this definitely happens to males too! Maybe it is a little rarer, because us ladies are slightly more difficult overall, to reach the big-O, but it happens to males too yeah.
The way to solve it is like I said, he needs to stop masturbating (Until he gets his sensitivity back at least) and focus on reaching orgasm through other types of stimulation. It might take a few days, a few weeks or even a few months, where you guys play together and he cannot orgasm, so my best advice is to reassure him and yourself that the focus is NOT on the orgasm, just on playing and having fun together. If it happens great, if not, it doesnt matter (This will reduce any pressure he feels to reach orgasm. pressure can make it harder for him, so removing that will help things progress quicker or easier)
Simply play together, have fun and eventually it should happen for him. His arousal will build up (due to the lack of masturbating and lack of orgasms) and each time you play together, there is more chance he will feel more sensitive and even more turned on and yeah...eventually it should happen.
Women who use powerful vibrators all the time can also suffer with this issue. The body gets used to ONE kind of intense stimulation and anything else is just not quite enough. A few weeks without the vibes and getting used to gentler sensations can bring the orgasm back for them when they are touched or given oral.
I suffered with the above too....Now I always try to ensure I don't focus on one, easy option to get to orgasm. I try to reach it in different ways each time, so my body cannot get used to JUST a vibrator. This has made me much more sensitive and I can orgasm much easier from his touch now, than I used to. Men can get caught into this situation too, with hand masturbation. I just think its either a little rarer for men, or they don't talk about it as much.
Hope this helps!
My OH used to suffer from this problem, we put it down to his sensativity.
He could climax through masterbation, but he couldn't always reach it if I masterbated him he said it felt nice, but then it felt sensative, he was too used to masterbating his way, so he found it hard to come with me. Then during sex because he hadn't come he'd psyc himself out of cumming.
What I did, I got him a male masterbator. And told him that when he's not with me, he's to use that, to get used to it being done not by his own hand (if that makes sense) we also spoke a lot about it so it wasn't really a huge deal. He didn't feel bad about not coming and yes I felt like I was doing something wrong a little but he assured me I wasn't. After him using the male masterbator though for when he wanted to masterbate and working on his sensativity the next time we was together he did, everytime.
This sounds like Death Grip Syndrome (DGS) to me. If so then it's a lack of sensitivity as a result of squeezing the penis too hard and too often, but really it's a by product of being used to hand jobs. The best cure is a really intense toy I can make recommendations if you want. It doesn't have to be this way though if it is DGS it can be cured by no handjobs for a while, other stimulation should be ok, maybe not extremely tight toys.
Thanks for your help :) I think maybe they don't talk about it as much wich makes it harder to understand but what you guys said really helped. flaneur any recomendations would be helpful thanks
I recommend avoiding focusing on his ejaculation. My hubby simply can't ejaculate if I suggest that it is his turn or anything along those lines.
Yeah thats understandable im a little bit the same if i feel any pressure
I too suffer from this sometimes as I had an extended period of single life where I would masturbate 4-5 times a week and in the end I was so used to being stimulated by my own hand I found it hard to climax through sex. This coupled with my teenage porn habit meant that I was desensitised to the point where actually having a gorgoeus woman physically infront of me meant I couldnt perform too well.
Like others have said the best way to deal with this is to refrain from self masturbation, watching porn and just get used to your partners touch. It will be hard for him if he has a porn addiction and if he is like me he will be in total denial about it at first but trust me, it is worth the time it takes to recover. He may lapse once or twice so dont judge him as people liken the cold turkey process as being similar to what an amphetamine drug addict goes through! Dopamine is a powerful thing!
One web resource I used was really helpful for me, google: your brain on porn and it might give you an insight into poteential problems. It goes into things like porn induced erectile dysfunction which was a real eyeopener, although I dont have a problem with 'getting it up'.
In a nutshell the site basically states that your brains pleasure receptors need chance to re wire themselves from death grip and visual porn stimulation, to that of your partners touch, ad that the only way to do that is to not masturbate or watch porn.
I hope this helps :-)
hello everyone I was just wondering if anyone could give me any tips me and my partner have been together almost a year now we are very very much in love with each other and our sex life is amazing he is a fantadtic lover and we both fancy each other like mad .I would like to do something to turn him on even more than I already do as he keeps telling me already that I drive him wild but im quite shy when it cones to the bedroom but I would love to be able to let go a little more im not good at talking during sex and he is so I wish I could do that and do other stuff that would surprise him and drive him even wilder any advice would be really appreciated thank you.
oh by the way he isnt hard to please but I couldnt find another thread that was suitable.
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13190 The Fleshlight STU would be my number one recommendation for DGS, it will fit nearly anyone, it doesn't squeeze erections out of people and it's very intense. Most male masturbators will probably do the job, strokers won't do a thing and toys like the Tenga fliphole will be too tight for someone with some girth. Best of luck.
Thanks :)