Hey… I’m in a very loving relationship of 10 years. Very loving relationship. As I have got older my sexual fantasies have evolved to things I’d never imagined a few years ago. My oh has a very prude view at sex. Literally lights off missionary. Very hard to try n even bring in oral or simple toys. My fantasies are getting more n more with no hope of loving them at home. Do I try and live them through escorts or face what I have bin told by a trusted friend eventually cheating on date sites?
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Have you tried talking to them about it? I wouldn’t advise cheating as that would not end well unfortunately.
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Yes, well not the full extent. I have tried bringing in the simple things like a small vibratior to use on her but staunch against it. I’m very good friends with her cousin (they are practically sisters) and she has tried to help me talk her round herself but she finds it ‘dirty’…
I have, she has surprised me over the years with things like public sex and even trying anal. But these are years in between.
I’m afraid only you know the answer. You’ll have to evaluate everything including your likely guilt should you go behind her back and consider whether you could live with yourself and then the obvious risk she finds out. I also tend to agree with the previous that cheating isn’t the way.
I’m more kinky than my OH and there’s things I’d love to try that I know I won’t with my OH but I’ve made peace with that although I am lucky she indulges me and allows me to explore the more softer kinks.
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@Dom624 sorry to hear of Dilemma as previously stated the option of an Escort would be cheating as they have stated, you have to revaluate where you are currently, what you both want in the future and try to make a compromise and agree to try and work things out, it’s not going to be an easy conversation and potentially one of you may be faced with a difficult decision but I feel you need to get everything out in the open and talk what your needs are ( both of you ) . Good luck we all have different needs and desires it’s always about compromise In my opinion .
You could try getting some ladies toys and using them on yourself - she might think they look fun. 
Sounds like your in a pickle there, I’d strongly consider opening up to your partner about all this in a neutral space so no arguments can evolve and see if there’s a way you both can resolve it as the worst would be to cheat on them at any level
Wow … this sounds like a conundrum that I was in. I was a very loyal husband… our attitude towards sex was always different… she had no interest … and I went without for years …
I couldn’t face cheating emotionally and didn’t value my needs enough to consider leaving her … I visited escorts … something that was utterly at odds with my values … and like previous poster said … hugely addictive … but ultimately worst choice I ever made … it wasn’t fulfilling sexually … because there’s no connection , but it made me feel awful about myself …
It pushed me to talk to her and eventually…long story short she left me for a woman… that had been the problem …
I realised that I had driven myself to the point of compromising myself … behaving in a way that was bad for me … to service a relationship that was ultimately unfulfilled…
I’m with somebody now who is incredible… we’re on the same page sexually and it’s utterly brilliant …
Think about what you want and how much you value your happiness … don’t compromise you only live once
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Talk to her.
Openly and honestly.
If she really has no interest in sex and trying anything new then you have to consider four options, based on how important you feel the issue is.
You accept her dis-interest and carry on with an unfulfilled sex life. Not ideal for you, no real change for her, assuming there’s no change to your attitude and behaviour towards her based on any frustration experienced.
You agree between you to consider new activities at some time in the future, at a pace she’s comfortable with and be patient in the meantime.
If the sex issue is the only one, everything else in your relationship is good and she has absolutely no plan to change her views then discuss the option of you seeking a FWB so that you have the chance to experience the things you desire without the need to end the relationship.
You cheat. Either with an escort or someone else. You get to try new thing at the risk of being found out and your relationship ending.
In an ideal world the second or third options would be preferable, but you won’t know the possible outcome til you’ve talked.
Good luck
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Talk, talk , talk. Explain your fantasies and ask her to open up on any she might harbor.
Take it slow , don’t push and just remind her that you both would want to get to a certain age in life and say " I wish we had done … "
Communication is the best way forward.
Best of luck.!!
I wouldnt recommend cheating or escorts. It will only end badly and you say you’re in a loving relationship. I was in a similar situation. I am into BDSM and when I got with my now husband he wasn’t. It took over 15 years before he was open enough and happy to try it. He nows loves it and we’re both happy. Saying that I wasn’t unhappy before. The love I have for him and the relationship we have was much more important to me than a sexual want. Sometimes you have to evaluate the situation. If this aspect of your life is too important for you to be happy without it perhaps it will only drive a wedge between you and cause bitterness. If not, you may need to forget it and enjoy your relationship as it is. Not everyone is into everything and that’s perfectly fine.
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