We are married a long time and I've never used a sex toy before...my OH has having erection problems for a few years and it's heartbreaking for us as a couple
I find myself dreaming of a hard cock but I do not want to have an affair
I've just ordered a dildo from LH and I'm patiently waiting on the postman...the thing is how do I tell my OH I don't want to offend him but I think it will help us stay intimate
Would live some advice xx
As a couple we use sex toys on each other all the time. So let him use the dildo on you as part of your normal sex session. It will help to build his confidence . Personally I would have started with sometthing a bit smaller like a Bullet Vibe . The Tracey Cox one is excellent . This will get him used to the idea of using toys . Don't forget toys like the bullet vibe can be used on him as well so he needn't feel left out
. Has he been to the docs over his impotence problem ? Maybe an idea . Don't forget docs are humans as well . If need be the doc could prescribe him with Viagra or alternative drugs if he feels the need . You can get viagra from a self certified precription but they are expensive and wouldn't like to recommend this route without a visit to the GP before hand.
If its only slight impotence , then I would recommend a cockring or a vibrating cockring. This will help to sustain his erection for much longer. If using a cocrting it may help if you went on top ie cowgirl or reverse cowgirl position .
To conclude I think sex toys are a boon for prolonging the sex life in more senior couples.
Thanks for your reply
Yes he's been to dr no physical issues as such more confidence problems!
Had no idea where to start but might get cock ring
I don't want to dent his confidence any further so I'd better have a wee chat tonight
I think he needs another trip to the doctor and see what further advice they can offer.
A dildo can be used for couples play for sure, I think the less realistic it looks the better though. As he might be more open to it if it looks less like a penis? He may immediately assume a realistic dildo is going to be used as a replacement rather than an ehancement. Communicate!! Did you tell him you were getting it? It might have been an idea to pick some thing out together that he feels comfortable with, he might have even found a couple of toys he could use like a vibrating cock ring or prostate massager if he's into that?
I think Nat and Tom have a good point.
it confirms my reservations about the dildo being the right choice. I wouldn't show it him if you have already had it ordered as if its a confidence issue it could make things worse. Start small as I have stated but it may be a good idea to have a chat with him beforehand as communication is key in all relationships
I did have a slight impotemce problem myself and I am guessing with the number of years you have been married that you are within my age group, and its quite normal in our age group . I don't mind admitting to it. and wasn't ashamed of it either . Not serious enough that it merrited a visit to the GP . WE corrected it by buying a vibrating cockring and now I don't even need the cockring to have intercourse. IMO its something that can correct itself over time as in my case .
But the key thing is to involve him in all your purchasing decisions this I think will help with his confidence .
However on saying all this I think you wiill have to introduce him gently to the idea of toys and act as a salesperson would in stating all the benefits .
Good luck
Thanks I will talk to him again
He's so closed up about it I'm 42 he is 44
We are so close but this has put a strain on our marriage
I wish he would talk to me
Scared to shatter his confidence
I'm sorry you have this problem but I would like to reassure you that it is not the terrible problem many people think - or at least not if you are both prepared to be creative about the solutions.
I started to have intermittent issues with ED quite some years ago now. Like your OH mine was more a matter of stress than of any physical problem. As you are a nurse I'm sure I don't have to tell you about the benefits of pelvic floor exercises for men as well as women. I certainly found they were a help. I believe this is partly physical but partly psychological. It made my erections firmer and that in turn gave me confidence that they would last.
Cock rings are also a great help though a considerable amount of experimentation is needed to find one that is just right for any individual. I can recommend this set:-
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32874
as they are comfortable and cover a good range of sizes.
Quite late on in all this I realised that the psychological pressures that trigger the ED would be greatly reduced if we had a good back-up plan for when ED struck. As you may well have found, once an erection has been lost it is most reluctant to get going again and the more desperate the attempts the more the problem feeds on itself. In our case the back-up is a strapon. I find it extremely satisfying to use this to bring my wife to orgasm. Quite often I find I'm so turned on by this my erection is fully back in action by this point and I'm able to penetrate her and bring myself to orgasm knowing my wife is OK. So actually, I think the dildo is a great idea - it's just that he needs to buy into the idea (or helped to have the idea for himself)
Of course, I have been very much my own driving force in finding the solutions to my problem and I think that has been important. I'm not sure how you can best help him towards a solution as your pushing may be resented. However, I'm sure he is at least as anxious as you to solve the problem but may not find it easy to talk about it. Paradoxically, your being a nurse may not help - my wife is a doctor so I know what it's like from the other side of that pairing.
Thank you for your honesty
I think there's already been some great suggestions, Gyrator has hit the nail on the head.
My OH briefly struggled with ED a couple of years ago, he was only about 19 at the time. He went to the doctors and there were no physical problems, which did make the problem hard to tackle! It all started when we tried to have sex while he was feeling a bit under the weather (but still horny), and he couldn't keep his erection. From then on I think he was so worried about it happening again that it did keep happening again, and again, and again, for a few months at least. It was like a vicious cycle, very difficult to break, and I can understand how difficult it is for both partners.
Personally, it would have knocked his confidence hugely if I went out and bought a dildo to use instead, especially if I hadn't discussed it with him, as he already felt inadequate. So I do think you need to discuss this with your partner and make sure he's comfortable with it and doesn't feel pushed out.
We found that it really helped to just take sex off the menu. He would always get an erection and then lose it right before sex, as there was too much pressure on him, so once we agreed that no matter what we wouldn't have sex, he felt much more relaxed. Even when his erection did make an appearance we just carried on with foreplay and left it at that. After a while he became more confident, and then all of a sudden sex was no longer a problem, and he hasn't suffered with ED since.
Hope this helps xx
there are many factors involved here that we all can't know about to give full advise.
my question would be - with his ED does he completely turn away from:
1 sexual contact
2 all contact
or he does his best to give you full sexual pleasure and get a great amount of happiness from seeing how strong your O's are you still get that feeling of intamcy.
if his focus becomes your pleasure then a good discussion about using toys will not make his feel insecure and scared.
however - if he already breaks off all contact because of what he feels as his failure then the toy will be a really bad idea as he will feel like he is being replaced and that might end up with a split up.
so I would advise extreme caution and lots of talking :)
Just a wee update
Had a long chat with OH last night regarding his confidence issue
He had been looking at toys too and did not know how to say to me lol
We have ordered a few things to get us started
Last night we had an amazing night and he was hard from start to finish!!!
Can't wait to see how the toys will keep us entertained even if his erection fades
Communication is the key and I'm so much happier (and a little sore) today
That sounds really promissing . And your right communication is the key .
Believe me his erection won't fade . Just place his man hood sandwiched between 2 well lubed bullet vibes and stoke .Just see his reaction! .Just hope you have a decent mop for the ceiling! Bullet vibes especially the Tracey Cox one are worth thier weight in gold and they are very cheap . Also don't forget to use them on his undercarriage as well .
As a final note make sure you wear sexy undies as well with stockings .A very hot sexy appearance will help him no end .
And remember make sure both of you are having fun .
Jenny42 wrote:
Just a wee update
Had a long chat with OH last night regarding his confidence issue
He had been looking at toys too and did not know how to say to me lol
We have ordered a few things to get us started
Last night we had an amazing night and he was hard from start to finish!!!
Can't wait to see how the toys will keep us entertained even if his erection fades
Communication is the key and I'm so much happier (and a little sore) today
I'm so pleased to hear that. Sounds like you are in for better sex in the future than in the past - talking seems to do that!
One point I should have made which might help depending on the source of your OH's stress - suggest he avoids the last-minute check on his emails etc before bed. I realised that quite often it was a work-related problem flagged up in a late email that was the distraction that triggered my problem.
We now devote certain evenings in the week to a slow build up to $h@gging each other to a standstill with no distractions allowed.
You are so right...no phones or tablets are allowed n the bedroom
So got a wee delivery today my OH came home from work at 5
We had a shower together and chatted like newlyweds
Used the cock ring and OMG what an amazing session we have just had!
I was late picking up my son from footy lol
Fire lit now OH snoring on sofa and I've poured a large glass of red
Safe to say I think we are looking at a more positive future
 Ok here is my opion on this. Ihave ed and its been a while cialas viagra dose not work. So i bought a vacume pump which does work but a lot to go through. My wife tries to act like it dosent bother her that we cant have intercourse. But if she took out some of our toys and started using in front of me and it would be great. I know that i it would turn me on and im sure things might be great for both of us. She is ok giving me a BJ. even though i dont get fully erect but am able to have an orgasm es it is possiable to have even when half soft. Oh yeah i am still the 2 minute man so ladies if your hubby or B/F has ed just try and make it work trust me he will enjoy the attention you give him. Also guys if the lady wants to do something go for it you both will be happy enjoy it while you can and toys are great too.
It's so good to hear from other ed sufferers my OH and I do not chat about it to any friends family
This forum and finally communicating with each other has saved my wonderful marriage
My OH looks ten years younger today as the pressure on him is off
If he has an erection problem we will do other things
Could you get your wife to read these posts?
I had reservations but the toys have been beyond my wildest expectations (in a great way)
Certain medications can cause all manner of erectile problems. It's always worth remembering this if having difficulties and to mention it to the doctor.
Something else that can help restore the action is, somewhat ironically, a male chastity device. If used over a few days in conjunction with some teasing, by the time he gets let out, the chances are he'll be hard in no time as his ardour will have been building for days with no way to indulge it.
Tinytheturtle raises a very important point - it is perfectly possible for a man to have a good orgasm while flaccid or only semi-erect. In fact I'm convinced a half-erect penis is more sensitive than a rock-hard boner (the reason pelvic floor exercises are often reported to increase stamina perhaps). Many guys who have been pegged can tell of having a massive O from prostate stimulation while being totally flaccid.
And, while on the subject, pegging is a great thing to add to your repertoire as it completely side-steps the whole issue of getting/maintaining an erection.
Jenny42 wrote:
Just a wee update
Had a long chat with OH last night regarding his confidence issue
He had been looking at toys too and did not know how to say to me lol
We have ordered a few things to get us started
Last night we had an amazing night and he was hard from start to finish!!!
Can't wait to see how the toys will keep us entertained even if his erection fades
Communication is the key and I'm so much happier (and a little sore) today
There's little I can possibly add to this thread as so much advice has already been given. I agree with everything that's been said too.
I'm so happy to read your update Jenny42. Makes for happy reading. NattandTom are right though. A trip to the Doc and a good pow wow is called for i think x
that's really good news Jenny and I am pleased things have worked out well for you both.