I'll tell you what did it. One night (after having not had sex for two months) my OH approached me when we'd gotten into bed and asked me if he could make love to me. He sounded nervous when he asked, not very confident in himself, and it put me right off. Sounds stupid I know but a woman likes her man to be confident with her in bed, well I do anyhow.
I've always known what effect my lack of sex drive was having on him, I knew it upset him and he needed to be close to me sexually because he'd told me many times over the years. Even though I was aware of this, I still couldn't change how I felt. I really wanted to have a sex drive but it just wasn't there. I wanted to experience more than what I was doing, I wanted to gladly feel that feeling of sex, how amazing it feels because let's face it, nothing feels better than to have sex with your OH and enjoy it. I knew what it felt like because obviously I'd felt it before but once I'd gotten into that downward spiral of not wanting sex, the harder it became to get back into it.
I thought it was o.k because in all other aspects of our marriage we got along perfectly. I had the attitude that sex wasn't important and that there were many couples in a worse state than us.
But that night I realised there and then he was only nervous to approach me BECAUSE of me. It was my fault he was like that. How could I expect anything else from him when he'd been knocked back so many times? It had destroyed his confidence slowly but surely.
So in a strop at how things had become, I threw the quilt over and said "Right that's it! This has got to stop. We need to get this shit sorted cus we're both miserable and our relationship should not be like this after 19 years together! We need to figure out how to get our sex life back"....
The rest is history. We both started looking on the internet the very next day on tips of how to sort us out. We purchased some new toys and lingerie and realised that keeping talking about sex, sex messaging each other when we're apart and even just being on this forum was keeping sex at the front of the brain (which is important for a woman). Me and OH agree that being on this forum is a turn on in itself and it really is! Because you're discussing sex and reading about it, getting advice on things you've no idea about and reading other people's sex stories so to speak, it certainly keeps things moving! :) :)
I bought me and my boyfriend some cock rings as a surprise. I knew he would like it as he had never tired them before and he is a very sexual person. We both had a lot of fun with it, I'm thankful that we can have fun and laughs like that and not always take sex too seriously. It was a great experience for the both of us and new step to knowing what each other loves.
I bought me and my boyfriend some cock rings as a surprise. I knew he would like it as he had never tired them before and he is a very sexual person. We both had a lot of fun with it, I'm thankful that we can have fun and laughs like that and not always take sex too seriously. It was a great experience for the both of us and new step to knowing what each other loves.
My first toy was a bullet I got as a gift. I've always just used it by myself and my partner doesn't mind. Recently, though we've been experimenting with things together. Terrified but excited!
My partner was in a very abusive relationship when she met me, and sex in said relationship was at her exe's control with no foreplay, simply ram it in and pound. She had never had an orgasm, no interest in toys or masturbation.
Took a long time to progress beyond basic sex, approximately 2 years ago we bought our first toy and to be honest we used it once and didn't pay much thought to it....then I bought a magic wand last year, didn't use it either.
I became disabled three years ago with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (similar to Fibromyalgia) and my energy levels and libido dropped massively due to medication. We didn't have sex for 18 months. Then I dropped the drug causing the majority of problems (Codeine withdrawal is an utter bitch) and one night brought out the wand - six months ago. We haven't looked back, we are adding to our toy collection steadily and libido levels are at the highest they have ever been. We are enjoying all aspects of sex, trying new things (has been nice to bring out my kinks and have her take to them).
So, the long and the short of it is, toys enhance a relationship for many reasons, and do not replace a partner. As I noted my partner does not masturbate but we both get off massively when we use toys on each other, a magic wand on her clit drives her insane and that in turn arouses me. Simply communicate with your partner, start with something small and not over-powerful. If you want it to be a surprise a couple of the suggestions here such as hiding it under a pillow and texting about is fantastic.
Finally, Sarah, it's brilliant you are being so open here and I think that many people will find your comments and advice extremely useful.
I've always kept stuff like this to myself, I've NEVER discussed this sort of thing with friends, not even my closest friends. But I feel that I can be open on here. Such a great bunch of people on this forum who help each other out on many aspects of sex and relationships. I know I won't be judged by anyone, we're all like minded people wanting the best out of sexual experiences ;)
My boyfriend got it for me for Christmas but I convinced him to let me test it out today.
I was a bit intimidated at first. Did not know what to expect. It was a Jessica rabbit that is known for its loud motor, I very nervous. In the end I just thought eff it & tried it out. The vibrator noise was soon muffled out by my own moans & even some from my boyfriend as he watched me.
We are so glad we got it!
before my current oh I had used a vibrator & eggs, but not much else I was very shy, but once oh introduced me to LH and started to buy us all these fab toys I have never looked back. Sex is amazing now and much more fun, I never feel shy now, and I love to try new things. OH bought me the Deluxe Magic Wand for my birthday last month - OMG I had never even heard or seen one before - best toy ever!! I had never even used a cock ring before, but now we have lots and I love using them. I agree maybe have a couple of glasses of wine before? Always helps relax a situation - good luck & enjoy
But that night I realised there and then he was only nervous to approach me BECAUSE of me. It was my fault he was like that. How could I expect anything else from him when he'd been knocked back so many times? It had destroyed his confidence slowly but surely.
Have just read your full post, Sarah, and what you describe could have been me only I didn't have your Eureka moment. I don't think I ever really saw it from his point of view with the clarity that you did. Thank you so much for your honesty.
I'll tell you what did it.
One night (after having not had sex for two months) my OH approached me when we'd gotten into bed and asked me if he could make love to me. He sounded nervous when he asked, not very confident in himself, and it put me right off. Sounds stupid I know but a woman likes her man to be confident with her in bed, well I do anyhow.
I've always known what effect my lack of sex drive was having on him, I knew it upset him and he needed to be close to me sexually because he'd told me many times over the years. Even though I was aware of this, I still couldn't change how I felt. I really wanted to have a sex drive but it just wasn't there. I wanted to experience more than what I was doing, I wanted to gladly feel that feeling of sex, how amazing it feels because let's face it, nothing feels better than to have sex with your OH and enjoy it. I knew what it felt like because obviously I'd felt it before but once I'd gotten into that downward spiral of not wanting sex, the harder it became to get back into it.
I thought it was o.k because in all other aspects of our marriage we got along perfectly. I had the attitude that sex wasn't important and that there were many couples in a worse state than us.
But that night I realised there and then he was only nervous to approach me BECAUSE of me. It was my fault he was like that. How could I expect anything else from him when he'd been knocked back so many times? It had destroyed his confidence slowly but surely.
So in a strop at how things had become, I threw the quilt over and said "Right that's it! This has got to stop. We need to get this shit sorted cus we're both miserable and our relationship should not be like this after 19 years together! We need to figure out how to get our sex life back"....
The rest is history. We both started looking on the internet the very next day on tips of how to sort us out. We purchased some new toys and lingerie and realised that keeping talking about sex, sex messaging each other when we're apart and even just being on this forum was keeping sex at the front of the brain (which is important for a woman). Me and OH agree that being on this forum is a turn on in itself and it really is! Because you're discussing sex and reading about it, getting advice on things you've no idea about and reading other people's sex stories so to speak, it certainly keeps things moving! :) :)
I'll tell you what did it.
One night (after having not had sex for two months) my OH approached me when we'd gotten into bed and asked me if he could make love to me. He sounded nervous when he asked, not very confident in himself, and it put me right off. Sounds stupid I know but a woman likes her man to be confident with her in bed, well I do anyhow.
I've always known what effect my lack of sex drive was having on him, I knew it upset him and he needed to be close to me sexually because he'd told me many times over the years. Even though I was aware of this, I still couldn't change how I felt. I really wanted to have a sex drive but it just wasn't there. I wanted to experience more than what I was doing, I wanted to gladly feel that feeling of sex, how amazing it feels because let's face it, nothing feels better than to have sex with your OH and enjoy it. I knew what it felt like because obviously I'd felt it before but once I'd gotten into that downward spiral of not wanting sex, the harder it became to get back into it.
I thought it was o.k because in all other aspects of our marriage we got along perfectly. I had the attitude that sex wasn't important and that there were many couples in a worse state than us.
But that night I realised there and then he was only nervous to approach me BECAUSE of me. It was my fault he was like that. How could I expect anything else from him when he'd been knocked back so many times? It had destroyed his confidence slowly but surely.
So in a strop at how things had become, I threw the quilt over and said "Right that's it! This has got to stop. We need to get this shit sorted cus we're both miserable and our relationship should not be like this after 19 years together! We need to figure out how to get our sex life back"....
The rest is history. We both started looking on the internet the very next day on tips of how to sort us out. We purchased some new toys and lingerie and realised that keeping talking about sex, sex messaging each other when we're apart and even just being on this forum was keeping sex at the front of the brain (which is important for a woman). Me and OH agree that being on this forum is a turn on in itself and it really is! Because you're discussing sex and reading about it, getting advice on things you've no idea about and reading other people's sex stories so to speak, it certainly keeps things moving! :) :)
Sarah 77 - Well, a turn up for the books. OH went out for a run this morning and used the new bullet in the shower when she got back, never thought she would use it !! Hopefully fun times ahead, she said she enjoyed it and said it most certainly works - Cant wait for bedtime tonight x