Is he put off, A -sexual or somthing inbetween????

Sex Tips & Talk
1

I am what I would describe as a big bird, I have always been really curvy and at 19 when I met my husband would have been a uk size 16 with great hips and a 36JJ bra size, I am 5".3 and never had trouble getting male attention.

But since meeting my hubby 14 years ago, I have had some real isues with my mental health and weight. I am now 33 size 26/28 nearer the latter and a whopping 42HH which droop because of the sheer weight.

The trouble is I have always had a large appetite for sex too which was great when we first met but over the years my hubby has completly lost his, I always blame my weight for putting him off which he strongly contests but really as well as being a factor, when I really look at his behaviour I now have suspictions he may be A-sexual, I have talked it through with him and he`s all a bit confused, the trouble is he wont talk and bottles things up, I know the quick reaction to somone not wanting sex in a relationship would be is he gay or having an affair, but when I look back I now realise he was just keeping up with me and in the 14 years he has only initiated sex a handfull of times nor does he oggle after women, when we do occasionly have sex it can almost be a case of me demanding it and always causes fights. I have tried shouting, arguing, talking and threatening and emotional pour-out.

I have always been understanding and have tried to reasure him of any insecureties he may have and have even tried approaching the possibilities of him being gay but if anything is repulsed by the idea of anything going near his bum or any blokes bum and recoils at the sight of men kissing. Dont get me wrong majority of the times we get it together are mindblowing and he really gets into it but even then though im not sure if he has ever has an orgasm even though he always cums, he is totally silent and some times just loses interest mid job.

The trouble is I have no self confidence anyway and this situation is getting worse, I am a power queen and rely on toys to make me cum, I have a vast array of toys but I feel really stupid using them on myself somtimes and think he must think im slutty if I lie next to him and if im on my own its not the same, I just feel a bit dirty.

I do have borderline personality disorder so have a tendency to use sex as a kinda punishment to myself, so I would love some tips on how to boost my confidence and his libido.

Many thanks for any suguestions x B x

2

Could he have mental health/stress issues himself?

Either way - the key to all aspects of all relationships, as I'm sure you know is communication, if you two would have a real decent deep truthful and honest conversation, try to find out what's the matter

3

Absolutely. Speculation can't really help, to be honest, and might even be damaging to your confidence if it's already shaky.

If he won't talk, why not write to him and see if he reponds in the same way? That's all kinds of easier; gives you both a bit of distance, thinking time, and less feeling of being in the spotlight.

Hope you get the answers you're looking for. :)

4

Thanks, I realise now I wrote it in the wrong place sorry

5

Hey Honey B :)

Firstly, sending you loads of hugs. My OH is somewhere between a-sexual and demi-sexual, and it's really hard going not thinking it's just because of me, that it is actually just how they feel.

If your husband was put off because of you/your body/health I think you would be able to tell, with enough of a certainty to not need to post here, so take that you have as a little evidence it's probably not that :)

You/you both may find this site helpful http://www.asexuality.org/home/ in finding out more about a-sexuality. It's taken me a while to get my head around!

I don't know whether mentioning mental health was to help build a better picture of your situation of for people to offer suggestions with that as well, but as a fellow mental illhealth sufferer (because everyone has mental health of some sort!) I've found this forum to be really helpful in info searching and support for things you have no idea about but can't ask your friends! http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/

Chin up chickie

NMK x

6

yeah i mentioned the mental health isue because i was truing to show a true picture of whats going on, i am always aware that i see the worst of a situation and thats why i mentioned it really. Thanks for the advice and the links xxx