Hey everyone
Hope you’re all well, I just wanted to talk about keeping it alive in the bedroom.
what do you do to ensure that even if it’s cold outside the sheets are still smoking hot.
If you wouldn’t mind to answer with how long you and you’re SO have been together id really appreciate that.
I work full time and study full time feeling very exhausted at the moment would really like some tips and chat to see what I can do with hubby & yes I’ve tried drinking coffee that doesn’t help the exhaustion aha!
I’ve been with my OH for 9 years. We’ve had our ups and downs. Our biggest cock block at the minute is dealing with bipolar and depression. - I know it’s the situation is different to yours.
Have you tried any sexual herbal supplements? Female viagra.
I’ve not really tried them myself but they might give you a boost when your feeling tired?
Try talking to each other about the situation also? Is there anything you would like your OH to do? Or anything you OH would like in return instead of full blown sex? Perhaps plan a night. Your working really hard at the minute so there should be some understanding
For us it’s a matter of variety and in truth the biggest things that kept the sheets hot is the affection outside of them. We’re both very affectionate and both had been in marriages where we weren’t getting that, like his ex didn’t kiss him for 6 months. So for us it’s a lot of the nonsexual touches and kisses that keep the flame hot. For example whenever we see each other, we always have a nice deep kiss, like if he’s just got home I’ll through my arms around him and kiss him before asking how his day was.
Another example it’s rather cool here at the moment(in the states) and so I’ve been baking and he’ll always give me a kiss or butt smack for a cookie or brownie etc.
As for the sexual variety in bed, toys, focusing more on ones pleasure doing different things. Like some times it’s more kink based with cuffs and such when others its more sensual.
Oh and for how long it’s been almost 8 months which I know is short but it’s odd how in sync we are with each other have been from day one. Literally we figured friendship maybe some casual fun both of us out of terrible marriages and yet we were instantly together cause we just clicked.
We try at least once a week to set some time aside just for us and try new things either every week or when we feel like it. We found setting that time aside we can both take our time to enjoy each other’s bodies without rushing.
We will often incorporate sex games, edging, restraint play etc which keeps things exciting. Sometimes jumping straight into sex can get boring.
But communication is key in every aspect of a relationship, not just sex. And none sexual affection is just has important, I’m lucky I have a guy who loves to cuddle.
But we still have our spontaneous moments if we get house to ourself, even if it’s just for a hour.
I’ve been with my partner for 9 years and like most people we’ve had ups and downs with our sex life. It was particularly difficult because sex was a big part of how we got together… A BDSM dating site. Our major problems have been due to health, if I’m not ill, he is! So it was a struggle to put energy in when it sort of felt like the next minute something will happen to mess it all up.
Talking has definitely helped us, alot! And definitely just making it more fun and free rather than it being so serious and putting so much pressure on making everything go perfect. Almost like exploring for the first time again.
Another big help was to make sure we snuggled and kissed more, that physical contact really helps.
Also, give yourself a break, I made myself so ill studying full time, going straight from my BSc to my MSc. Its really tough both mentally and physically so don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
Hey young girl , my wife and I have been married for 33 years … I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hard to keep it hot in the bedroom. . Even in are busy schedule and also watching grandkids the little things make the difference … Like when I tell her how hot she looks or coming up behind her putting my arms around her and kissing her neck … The most important is to make time for the both of you and not just a jump in the sack … It took us a while but we got it … Don’t get me wrong the addition of sex toys also spiced it up … Don’t give you’ll get it … Hope this helped
Thank you so much for sharing, I’m sorry to hear that your going through a bit of a hard time I do hope that things improve, I can understand that with mental health it can make it difficult.
I am on the pill - which I know is a bit different to your situation - however it does make me very hormonal like all the time and thats exhausting too! I’m so happy you sent me that link because honestly I have been trying to find female viagra but it kept saying that it is not available in the Uk so thank you so much I really appreciate it!
we actually made an explicit twitter account as a couple and if you dont know already there is so many couple out their doing the same thing its definitely spiced things up a little.
Thank you for sharing, I’m so sorry that you and your other half went through relationships without affection I couldn’t begin to imagine what that was like but it amazing that you both have each other!
That baking idea actually sounds good I might give that a go, it’s great that you’ve been together 8months or so and you have such a strong connection!
I think we have a strong connection too its just being tired makes it hard, we’ve been experimenting new things the last few months but since ive been back at work its like someones hit an off button
Thank you for sharing your story, I like that you dedicate at least once a week which is really lovely I will actually give that a go and I like that you incorporate games too, that is a great idea - if you have any game ideas please let me know.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, I was very intrigued reading this - especially on how you met! if the illness is constant have you thought about vitamins and iron to help with the energy or even visiting your doctors whom can provide more information on that.
gosh you have been a busy body, I’m currently doing BSc in Nursing so its really full on!
Thank you for sharing! Congrats on being married for 33 years I love hearing you tell your wife how hot she is etc it’s so nice to hear!
Your advice id probably take most valuable due to the experience you’ve had, so thank you!
Hello @younggirl,
We have been married for 16 years - we met in our early/mid 30s.
It is normal for any long term relationship to wax and wane, sexually.
We have had 3 kids in that time, faced major illness and an early menopause, all of which knocked our libido off-kilter for a while.
The important thing to remember during these times was that we loved each other - we kept talking and we found we needed to be able to show affection and to compliment each other without it being seen as an invitation to something more . Also, remembering non-sexual intimacy helped, too: massages, foot rubs, showers together, date-nights and romantic films etc.
Now that we both have our mojo back, buying toys and lingerie from Lovehoney and joining the Forum has been transforming in terms of our confidence, what we know about each other, what we want to explore and enjoy.
It is me who does the buying and commenting, but my husband is very pleased to have a sexually confident wife - and another benefit is that we are learning to bring up our children to be more sex positive and body positive than either of us were growing up.
I agree with @MsR. The only thing I would add really is to keep trying new things. New toys, new positions, new acts. You can rest some and go back to them and you’ll discover them again. Keep it fresh and keep it changing.
We’ve been together for just under two years, so things are still pretty fresh, but with the lockdown and some additional personal stuff we’ve gone through it feel like we’ve been together a lot longer.
We like to try new things which as everyone says is of course a good thing to do as it makes you both excited to try something new.
But we also like to try to twist and pervert older things as well. (even more than we already have done… )
Doesn’t have to be big, but sometimes revisiting something you haven’t done in ages, changing something slightly. That helps.
I think the biggest thing honestly is communication though. We talk to each other all the time, sometimes it’s hard and sometimes the other doesn’t want to hear it, but sometimes just a little reminder. “I want you to use your fingers on me more”. It can be enough.
Talking to each other means you’ll never become complacent, and always be aware of the other person’s needs and wants.
Addionally… sometimes lying spread eagled on the bed and shouting “F**k Me!” works as well.
We’ve been together for 15 years. We are open minded, fun loving and non judgmental. I had lost my confidence after getting divorced and nearly bankrupted by my ex.
Everything changed when I met my husband, when I first met him when he started working in my dept he turned me on. He had a good physic, didn’t take himself seriously. He was instantly hated by other staff because he was confident and didn’t take any crap. The NHS is a spiteful organisation.
I knew he had served in an elite Army unit because our manager had mentioned his background. We went on a date on a Saturday night and got out of bed on the Sunday night.
My friends from work enjoyed me being a victim because it made me like them. I soon stopped socialising with the negative ones and concentrated on building relationships with positive people.There have been ups and downs but the sex has always been great.
He has always boosted my confidence and self esteem, if we have a problem we face it.
When we are exhausted we give things a rest, relax avoid meaningless tasks until we feel rejuvenated. Lots of toys, lots of imagination and not giving a flying f@@@ about what other people think.
Variety is great but so is keeping it short and simple at other times.
I find it’s important to accept that it’s not always a good time and not to get worked up if it doesn’t happen; it will happen but just not at the planned time.
I do hope that things improve, I can understand that with mental health it can make it difficult.
