Help
I have been with my husband for 16 years and although sex hasn't been lots we always do it a couple of times a week. This past month I haven't got a clue what's wrong but my hubby hasn't been able to rise to the occasion. I've tried everything foreplay, sexy lingerie, porn but nothing it's really knocking my confidence because I think he doesn't fancy me even though he tells me he does. This is causing major arguments in our relationship so it needs sorting
When you say you have tried 'everything' have you tried talking to your partner, communication is key here. All the best Pudgie xx
Hi Pudgie, you need to talk about things openly honestly and calmly. He is probably really embarrassed and scared. It can be very imasculating for a man to have erection issues. Can you imagine how bad he might feel, wanting you but his body will not do what he wants, and what he has done for years.
It is worth going to the Dr and getting a physical check, but there are a lot of possible reasons. Stress is a big one, it absolutely kills desire and can cause physical problems. I would encourage you to try to support him to find the issue/problem and work together to get things back to how they were. If it's not working, stop trying the underwear ect, it might be adding to the pressure and stress for your man.
It is possible that your OH has found someone else, but I think it's very unlikely, you know him best, and I think you would know. I don't advise asking this unless you have significant conserns and good reasons to suspect. It could really upset him if your wrong.
Im sorry as this is probably not what you wanted to hear. Please try to talk calmly, communication is the key.
Not wanting to give bad advice, as it is a hard topic to talk about due to many factors could be at play here.
Don't see it as a reflection on you or his desire for you. Many things can cause a lack of desire such as stress or hidden health issues. He says it's not you and you should believe him.
Perhaps a trip to a Dr is in order to make sure everything inside of your man is working properly. Certainly arguing will not help the situation and just staying supportive by being there will help.
Hope for the best for you both.
Thankfully I've not suffered from ed personally (yet) but from the little I do know, the key question will be wether your husband still gets morning glories. If not, it might be something physical and will certainly need to see his GP. If he is waking up hard, then it will mostly likely be a mental issue, and whilst a doctors visit might not hurt, as per the others communication will be the key factor to solve the issue.
I agree with what has already been said. There could be many factors at play. Medical issues such as E D ,pressure at work ,sleep issues resulting in tiredness and loss of appetite ,getting his kicks from other sources e.g. porn.There also could be other things worrying him that diminish a guy sexual appetite.
What you need to do is have an open chat with him to identify the cause.Once you can find the cause ,then both of you can work out some form of corrective action together ,to get everything back on track.This chat is quite important so be as tactful as possible and its good that you have identified a possible problem instead of suffering in silence .Without intervention its something that is not going tosort itself out .
Once the cause has clearly been identified and if you need further guidance then by all means come back to us.
Good luck.
So check me out making huge assumptions here...
You been together for 16 years so guessing that he is at least around the 40 years old mark. Your user name here is Pudgie which to me at least hints towards you being something of a curvy lady. Generally around that age you find that partners seem to follow the same trend with weight. So please dont think that I am being rude when I suggest he is tested for diabetes.
Other things to bare in mind (from personal experiance) is rushing and constantly trying only makes things worse. Leave at least a day or two between attempts and even if he does not get hard make sure you make him ejaculate and you should also help make excuses for him. boost his confidence a little bit.
Finally please don't let this knock you because for 1 that is a very selfish act based on the evidence you have presented. Let me tell you no number of ugly girls in a room would stop me getting a erection to some good old porn and a blowjob. Before thinking about your own confidence think about your partners. You seem like a nice girl so just give him a chance and remove the pressure.
All of the above advice is great advice. 😊 it's only natural to feel that something is wrong with you as us women compare it to us not getting turned on enough. I would like to bet that you do turn him on enormously and the signals are getting lost and not quite getting down there. The more he worries or feels pressured the worse it will become. The majority of men get this problem at some time in their lives. Urge him to get to the doctors just to rule anything out (go with him if you can). Encourage him to talk and try not to show him your insecurities as he will no doubt be feeling pretty rubbish right now (male bravado and all that).
Ok here goes with a mans perspective, he probably feels pretty crappy right now, he probably gets upset and angry as to why this happens (why him, what's going on etc) you could be the hottest women he has ever seen and he could still fail to perform and it's nothing to do with you.
he needs time and support and perhaps some professional help in a physical or mental capacity, if he will go to his gp then great, if he won't then maybe he has a friend he can confide in ( sometimes anonymous is better) or join a site like this.
Im sure it will work out, just take it easy and try and boost your self esteem, perhaps try changing what your eating, lots of,fresh fruit and veg, cut down on booze and carb heavy meals.
Is there anything else happening in his / your life that could have his attention? Work issues? Money worries? Do you have children? With the summer hols ending maybe they have drained him of energy? Just a few possible other suggestions. Otherwise talk it out, go to the docs.
Maybe give him a bit of space for a day or two, encourage him to go for a drink / round of golf or the like with some friends to give him an opportunity to open up, we blokes can occasionally give each other advice outside of fantasy football picks, bad underwear choices for birthdays and theoretical engine and spec choices on vehicles we will never ever have a hope of owning.
In all seriousness I hope you get to the root of the problem and are able to work through this together.
You need to talk to eachother. Have you sat down with him and talked things through?
Us men are funny creatures.
We want you at times we know we cant have you.
Sometimes when its offered to us we dont want you.
Anything that directs attention away causes us to just not be interested (work, stress, money problems etc).
Then all of a sudden we cant get enough of you.
We masturbate and then because we have, the feelings for wanting sex subside so we dont want it.
The human body is a complex machine but be patient. Have faith and keep trying.
Sounds like your man might have something on his mind that's pushing the sexy out the door for now.
Communication is key and being sensitive I would think. We all know what their egos are like.
I'm sure it's just a blip, these things can seek up on us, life is fast and there's times we start to slip through the cracks. Talk and time I would think, I'm sure he finds you more than a turn on still x
Sorry "sneek" up on us. It wouldn't let me correct my error!!! Grrr
Any news Pudgie?