maybe it's because you're more mathematically minded? xxxx
haha, that sounds like a Millington conundrum. Busted!
By the way everyone,
Miss.suicide_note_pt2 is my OH. She makes awesome flapjacks.
did you not know it was me before that comment? I posted my other favourite joke and called you boo silly catface xxxxxx
i got it from boo. dead give away. another joke;
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? .....he bought a whorehouse.
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding." "Can I see your driver's license?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there." "Can I see your registration please?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. He's stark naked and has an erection!
The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no-not the Breathalyzer again!"
A man was in a doctor's office and the doctor walked in and said, "What can I do for you today sir?"
The man pulled down his pants and showed the doctor his beat up, bruised, and bleading penis. The doctor said, "Damn how did you do that?"
The man said, "Well I live in a caravan, and every night I have noticed that the woman in the caravan next to mine at exactly 9:00pm moves her rug where there is a hole in the floor, she sticks a hot dog in the hole and masterbates with it. So one day I got an idea at 8:45pm I would go under her trailor and when she put the hot dog in the hole I would pull it out and stick my penis in the hole. So that night I did, and it was going great untill someone knocked on the door and she tried to kick it under the oven!"
a snail walks into a bar
the bartender says 'sorry, we don't serve snails' then he grabbed the snail by the shell and threw him out onto the street.
A year later the snail returned, and said 'hey, what did you do that for?'
x
Snow is like a willy..............
It's measured in inches, soft to the touch, cums when you least expect it and it never gets as deep as you'd like it.
Going down on a woman is like driving in the snow.....................
If you don't pay attention and slow down you could slide into the asshole in front of you.
Be careful this winter...........................
i just got home and found all the doors and windows open and everything gone!!!
What kind of sick person does that to someones advent???
An Essex magus teacher asks little Sharon "what comes after 69?" Sharon replies " Wet wipes and mouth wash miss". A mate sent me that and typing it out I'm not really sure whether that joke treads on very dodgy ground....
mtunreal69 wrote:
suicide_note_pt2 wrote:
Oh boo, it's supposed to be 'I try to integrate but it doesn't change a thing'
^_^ xxx
an atom says to another atom 'I think I've lost an electron' , the other says 'are you sure' and he says 'yeah, I'm positive'
lol
lol, I realise this having read the joke again, wrote it in a hurry. Being an experimental physicist shouldn't really miss these things. I blame the concentration on all you damn sexy people!
Lol I did tell you! External Media Physicists never listen to biologists!*
xxKPxx
* this is based on years of being mocked by all the physicists I know for defecting to biology!
Loving all the jokes !
So glad I started this thread now
I saw this , made me smile ....
HOW THEY HAVE SEX
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.
BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.
BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.
BEER DRINKERS get more head.
BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.
BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.
BOSSES delegate the task to others.
BOWLERS have bigger balls.
BRICKLAYERS lay all day.
BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.
BUTCHERS have better meat.
CAMPERS do it in a tent.
CARPENTERS hammer it harder.
CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.
CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.
CHEMISTS like to experiment.
CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.
CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.
CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.
CLOWNS do it for laughs.
COACHES whistle while they work.
COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.
CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.
COWBOYS handle anything horny.
COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.
CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.
CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.
DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.
DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.
DENTISTS do it in your mouth.
DETECTIVES do it under cover.
DIETICIANS eat better.
DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.
DIVERS do it deeper.
DOCTORS do it with patience.
ENGINEERS charge by the hour.
FARMERS spread it around.
FIREMEN are always in heat.
FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.
FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.
GARBAGE MEN come once a week.
GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.
GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.
GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.
GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.
GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.
HANDYMEN like good screws.
HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.
HUNTERS do it with a bang.
INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.
INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.
INVENTORS find a way.
JANITORS clean up afterwards.
JEWELERS mount real gems.
LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.
LAWYERS do it in their briefs.
LIBRARIANS do it quietly.
LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.
LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.
MACHINISTS make the best screws.
MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.
MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.
MANAGERS supervise others.
MILKMEN deliver twice a week.
MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.
MINERS sink deeper shafts.
MINISTERS do it on Sundays.
MODELS do it in any position.
MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.
MOVIE STARS do it on film.
MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.
NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.
NURSES call the shots.
OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.
OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.
PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.
PILOTS keep it up longer.
PLUMBERS do it under the sink.
POSTMEN come slower.
PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.
PROFESSORS do it by the book.
RACERS like to come in first.
RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..
RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.
REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.
RECYCLERS use it again.
REPORTERS do it daily.
RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.
ROOFERS do it on top.
RUNNERS get into more pants.
SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.
SCIENTISTS discovered it.
SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.
SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.
SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.
SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.
SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.
STEWARDESSES do it in the air.
STUDENTS use their heads.
SURGEONS are smooth operators.
TAILORS make it fit.
TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.
TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.
TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.
TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.
TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.
TYPISTS do it in triplicate.
VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.
WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.
WELDERS have hotter rods.
WRESTLERS know the best holds.
WRITERS have novel ways.
ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.
shouldnt that be a warehouse!!!
What's red and white and flies by night?
A sanitary owl!
Ever since it started snowing my wife has done nothing but look through the window, if it get's much worse i'll have to let her in
What is the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls!
KittyPurry wrote:
mtunreal69 wrote:
suicide_note_pt2 wrote:
Oh boo, it's supposed to be 'I try to integrate but it doesn't change a thing'
^_^ xxx
an atom says to another atom 'I think I've lost an electron' , the other says 'are you sure' and he says 'yeah, I'm positive'
lol
lol, I realise this having read the joke again, wrote it in a hurry. Being an experimental physicist shouldn't really miss these things. I blame the concentration on all you damn sexy people!
Lol I did tell you! External Media Physicists never listen to biologists!*
xxKPxx
* this is based on years of being mocked by all the physicists I know for defecting to biology!
Shun the non-believer. Joking. The same issue happened here, but I moved onto Chemical Engineering for my PhD. Engineer is not a term Physicists like. ha. What Biology you studying?
js - should be warehouse. lol, I don't know why but the joke did a double turn in my head and end-up even funnier. Becoming a little delirious from all the papers i'm writing.
Edit. - Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse.
Just taken a visit to longessays.com. You can type in any topic and it'll put it into an essay for you. I typed in masturbation and it came up with some surprisingly accurate results!
Despite what many might think, Masturbation is well known across hundreds of nations all over the world. Masturbation has been around for several centuries and has a very important meaning in the lives of many. It would be safe to assume that Masturbation is going to be around for a long time and have an enormous impact on the lives of many people.
Social & Cultural Factors
Masturbation has a large role in American Culture. Many people can often be seen taking part in activities associated with Masturbation. This is partly because people of most ages can be involved and families are brought together by this. Generally a person who displays their dislike for Masturbation may be considered an outcast.
Economic Factors
It is not common practice to associate economics with Masturbation. Generally, Masturbation would be thought to have no effect on our economic situation, but there are in fact some effects. The sales industry associated with Masturbation is actually a 2.3 billion dollar a year industry and growing each year. The industry employs nearly 150,000 people in the United States alone. It would be safe to say that Masturbation play an important role in American economics and shouldn't be taken for granted.
Environmental Factors
After a three month long research project, I've been able to conclude that Masturbation doesn't negatively effect the environment at all. A Masturbation did not seem to result in waste products and couldn't be found in forests, jungles, rivers, lakes, oceans, etc... In fact, Masturbation produced some positive effects on our sweet little nature.
Political Factors
Oh does Masturbation ever influence politics. Last year 5 candidates running for some sort of position used Masturbation as the primary topic of their campaign. A person might think Masturbation would be a bad topic to lead a campaign with, but in fact with the social and environmental impact is has, this topic was able to gain a great number of followers. These 5 candidates went 4 for 5 on winning their positions.
Conclusion
Masturbation seem to be a much more important idea that most give credit for. Next time you see or think of Masturbation, think about what you just read and realize what is really going on. It is likely you under valued Masturbation before, but will now start to give the credited needed and deserved.
I'm a little concerned that in America "Families are brought together by masturbation" ...
I always knew they were odd, but that seems very odd indeed!