WOW @DevilishDan Your proper on the horn hunt…edited by mod. Your Oh is defo up for a good time… Just take it a bit easy on him… Unless he’s submissive type… then just keep ripping his undies off and use him like a horny bitch… ride him like a wild banshee… GO GO GO 
sweet jesus !!!
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Hellooooo and great fir your hubby…
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Hi @DevilishDan 
Welcome to the forum. What a great introduction! Pleased to hear that you’re got your libido back. Can I ask if you know what caused the sudden change? I’m very much missing my sex drive at the moment and would like to find it again soon!
Hello @DevilishDan and welcome to the forum. I’m glad to hear you have got you libido back! I would recommend getting to know your own body better and explore what you enjoy and what your partner enjoys. My partner is also a little shy when it comes to fantasy’s and kink stuff, I found a fun was of opening up that conversation was looking through the love honey shop together, going through the different toys and see what we would both be up for trying.
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Hi and welcome to the forum @DevilishDan glad you’re feeling back on track with your sex life. Enjoy and explore what you desire. Remember, neither of you should do something just for the other to enjoy. Start gently and you never know where things might lead
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Afternoon and welcome 
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Hi there and welcome to the forum enjoy 
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Hello and welcome
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Thank you! Honestly I was watching the show how to build a sex room 
which at the time that was a raunchy show for me, but the best I can explain it was like a light switch in my brain.
My whole sexual life and likely even before that, I’ve been so hung up on what other people thought of me. Always self conscious of what the OH saw (god forbid there be a stomach roll as he pancaked me 
- thanks for that unrealistic beauty standards) instead of being in the moment. Everything I did was for his pleasure and if I enjoyed it then it was a bonus - because that’s what most of the underlying messages were in movies and what girls would talk about in school and definitely from the guys I hang around (I have always been ‘one of the boys’ so they told me a lot about what they thought was ‘hot’ and unfortunately was not what I was)
. Even being licked out which is my most favourite thing in the world I stopped him doing it because I felt so bad that he had to do that - what if it smelled, what if I could see a double chin from that angle, what if my labia wasn’t appealing to him. All these were genuine thoughts I had. So ridiculous. The poor guy tried his best to help me, always calling me beautiful and saying I was sexy, but my attitude towards myself was so bad I would say ‘you’re just saying that’ etc. and couldn’t believe him.
Anyway, I watched that show and I was like, look at all these people. All different shapes and sizes and desires. It was a switch in my brain and I was suddenly thinking, well my OH isn’t the same physic when we were younger and I still want him, why would that be any different for him wanting me. Why can’t I have desires to, why can’t I be pleasured for me. Why can’t we have a good session that isn’t focused on his end game and is more about us and being together.
Then I thought back on all the wasted years of me brushing him off or getting him to cum as quickly as I could so I could put clothes back on so he wouldn’t see an angle he thought as unattractive and leave me or something ridiculous. Like I said before, I was incredibly self conscious and had very bad body image issues. That depressed me a little so I try not to think too much about that
So now, I don’t care. I am what I am, and I deserve to feel good. I may have a big belly these days and I wobble a little bit more - but who cares! Certainly not me 
I’m not sure if that helps you in your libido revival, but good luck!! X
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That’s an excellent suggestion thank you! I will definitely get him involved in my first order
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Welcome to the forum!!
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Hi and welcome 
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Welcome and have fun in your journey!
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@DevilishDan I can count on one hand how many times in 24+ years that Mrs. Val and I have had sex with the lights on. She feels the same way and frankly it pisses me off.
However, saying something only makes it worse and she has to go at her speed when she wants to do anything otherwise it’s off. The dog takes a shit on the lawn, ruins the mood… The kid has a headache, ruins the mood… Her and I don’t agree about who pays the credit card bill (for her hairdo), ruins the mood.
It’s all a bit much. She thinks her tits are saggy, she thinks her stomach isn’t good enough, she thinks we’re crossing the line when I rim her ass… who gives a shit? It’s been tough so I get it.
If she ever finds herself, I will be ready… but she may have to rebuild me too
Having now been on both sides, it’s horrible. I know what she’s probably thinking, it’s like a wall that’s gone up in her mind and she can’t see the top to try and jump over it. She very likely wants to want you, but it’s just not there.
I remember I would have sex with the OH but it would take me days to work myself up to it and yes the tiniest thing would put me off. It was scheduled - ‘it’s been two weeks better have sex with him’ I had to have a shower first so at least I’d be naked and that was one less thing to worry about. Then I’d jump Him on the lounge or on the bed, go as fast as I could and think of England so to speak. No eye contact, no foreplay and definitely no orgasms. I would later fix myself up, but usually to help me relax so I could sleep, it was more business rather than pleasure.
I was literally repulsed by his touch, because I was scared that every touch he would try to initiate sex. This then led to sometimes literally begging me to touch him and him saying ‘I can’t turn you on anymore’ which made me feel even worse!! I was at my lowest ever point for a few years.
Now that it’s turned around, I feel a million times better mentally, however I now realise the damage I had unintentionally caused in our relationship. I don’t blame myself, but I also do haha it was actually the fault of the contraceptive pill, but of course it seems to be in my nature to put the blame on myself.
But also now being on the other side and OH being close to where I was all those years ago, I would never beg, or touch him solely to initiate sex, or say ‘I don’t know how to turn you on anymore’. I’m very conscious of how those actions can have such an impact mentally.
I truly hope she picks up her libido, for both of your sakes! It’s a horrible mindset to be in and everyone suffers 
If you did need to be rebuilt, how do you think one would do that? Asking for a friend
Men are suckers for the truth and some heartfelt conversation. Being open and honest and then actually meaning it means more than words.
If you could articulate it the way you did here in words that come out of your mouth, it’s impressive but super tough to do.
I struggle with telling Mrs. Val how I feel without coming across like a complete dick sometimes. So most times, when it’s sensitive, or does require a “re-read”, I will write it out or email her. Most of the time there is a “tone” to things and it allows me to backspace stuff and get it right after reading it a few times. What the content is? That’s up to you. I suggest a weekend away together and some real, meaningful and wholesome make-up sex couldn’t hurt. But he’s honestly heard and seen it for too long where he doesn’t believe you. Mrs. Val will come out with all this fluffy “I’m to blame” bullshit and then a couple months later its back to where we were and me being ready to walk out the door…(this has happened multiple times and nothing has ever really changed).
I do love her with my whole heart but it’s the thing we are the least the same in and that’s sex. I’m happy you guys are getting on the same page. Just don’t be mad if he doesn’t believe your approach and doubt your longevity.
Some blowjob or something isn’t gonna cut it. You gotta reach the heart and soul. It’s like reverse trust… he likely doesn’t trust that you are sincere. It will take time…but he also hasn’t gone anywhere either so there is something there that he loves about you. Work that angle and fix it before it’s too late.
Proud of you for even trying…
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