Ok I read recently about someone talking dirty to their partner to test the water. I can't find the thread to ask the question because I've dabbled with this and wanted to seek some advice. Ok so I often try to whisper into the wives ear fantasies or gauge in what she likes but she gives me nothing.
I've asked what her fantasies are even what she thinks about when she masturbates but she never gives an inclination. I really want to please the wife and I would love to know more about her fantasies and if possible consider making these come true.
I am incredibly open minded so I'm not going to be shocked. She just tells me it's boring and never expands on it. It's almost like a little wall comes up when any discussion about anything comes up. We do have a good solid sexually active relationship.
Do I just forget the filth talk and keep my Fantasies to myself and not ask about hers neither? Or should I hope that one day she opens up and tells me some of them. Your thoughts are appreciated.
hey TandG, first it's great that you want to satisfy your partner and it's good that you care. But I would go slow with anything that feels like a wall may go up, this can cause quite a few issues in relationships and the more you ask it seems like the person is being forced to talk about something they may be embarrassed or shy about.
The best way to overcome this is just simply enjoy your sex life and wait for things to come, when your OH feels comfortable then the chances are you will find things out. It's best not to rattle your head and try to figure things out by yourself. Dirty talk works on a lot of levels and can even release little ideas you never thought would be a turn on. For instance, one of my ex partners was quite a vanilla type person but once I uttered the words "dirty girl" she was completely startled and found a new love for being slightly degraded and dominated.
The reason I say this is a lot of dirty talk is about what you will do to the reciever, tell them
What toys your going to use and how hard your going to spank them for example. I'm sure eventually you will find out a few dirty secrets that your partner may have locked away but I think we can all say we have a few in our heads that stay there.
I never used to talk to my husband about my fantasies as I didn't want to share them. I still have some fantasies that I don't talk to him about, and that's my choice - so it may be that she has some which she'd prefer to keep to herself. Alternatively, she may be shy about telling you, or she may simply not have any! You could try just saying the odd dirty thing to her, but not going the whole hog and discussing fantasies. See if she responds well to that. Simply using her name in sex or telling her how excited you are can be a good start.
Some people don't enjoy dirty talk though, so it's best to gauge her reaction and see if it's something she enjoys too. If not, you may need to keep the filthy stuff in your head instead - then you can be as rude as you want to be! 😉