I am a happily married man with a beautiful wife & two kids.
The problem is our sex life. The wife says she loves sex but we end up having sex once a month and nearly always the same position. I love when she dresses up kinky but she never does it without me having to ask her & I don't want to keep pestering her to do so. I love watching verfiied couple porn on PornHub and I know porn isn't reality but I keep thinking our sex life is extremely vanilla. I love MMF & Cuckolding, Thressomes, Dogging and I fantasise about watching men taking turns with wife, but only as a fantasy.
I know this would prbably shock the wife. I just keep comparing my sex life to those I watch on amateur couple porn. I d love to watch porn with the wife. How adventurous are most couples here? How do I bring this up with the wife without her thinking I am a big perv?
Hi I can’t offer much advice here as hubby is unable to have sex anymore, so we haven’t made love in over 2 years now. But I think outside of the box so . .
Why not show her some nice items on Lovehoney, some sexy outfits. You could always make a wish list of “sexy treats for the wider” and put a collection of your favourite outfits in it. “Which one would you like me to treat you to darling?”. “Is there a toy you would like too?”
This way you look like your being generous wanting to treat her, she feels special and loved, your putting he needs/desires first, or so she thinks. Women respond better to this type of suggestion. Also she will get the idea you would like her to wear something sexy and that you would like to play with toys.
If this suggestion goes down well, why not suggest she chooses a porn film to watch together, something for a bit of fun. Worth a try
The phrase "communication is key" in relationships seems a bit of a cliche but when it comes to sex it's definitely true.
How often were you having sex prior to this and how long has it been going on for? I don't understand when people say things like they haven't had sex for X-number of years, especially if there are no medical reasons. Bottom line - don't let that carry on. Discuss it with her. Make sure you're doing it in a friendly and relatable way.
The next part will be determined by those conversations.
Don't go in for anything like watching porn or fantasies at this stage. That can come later once you've worked out how she's feeling.
Top tips are to make sure she's relaxed. So maybe a bath together followed by a massage or a couples night away.
I don't think it helpful to compare 'the wife' with what you watch in terms of porn, amateur or otherwise.
This really isn't my area so feel free to ignore me, but I guess she knows exactly what you are watching. If she is more conservative / vanilla this will not help.
Most women enjoy sex once they are with a partner who knows what they like. So, start with her. Go gentley and romantically and see where it leads. Talk to her and ask her - be interested in her, her day, and follow through.
Buy all means buy gifts etc, but think about her as the person you know, not some fantasy. She might like to dress up kinky when you ask her to, but what would she like to do if she took the lead? (I'm guessing sleep, if you have small kids, but you know what I mean). Might she like a different style, maybe she wants to feel romantic rather than kinky, I don't know. But let her know she is treasured. Some women don't feel that way after childbirth but you can help her to get that feeling back. Take time and care.
As others have said, talk about this with the wife, you may be surprised what she is into.
I've been in a relationship for nealry 20 years, and had always taken the dominant role (not that we were into serious BDSM), though I secretly wanted my GF to take charge. A while ago I finally plucked up the courage to tell her I wanted to try out male chastity, but didn't think she would be keen. In fact I expected her run a mile.
I couldn't have been more wrong. She loved the idea and within days our relationship was turned on it's head and heading in a completely new directtion.
I'm not suggesting you spill all your deepest darkest fantasies straight away, but the sooner you talk about what she wants and what you want, the sooner things will change. You might find that deep down she's a bigger "perv" than you.
There is some great advice on here. It is also worth noting that anyone's libido is not constant. Sometimes we all have off days or weeks for some this could translate to months or years. I'd advise to go back to some old fashioned romance; romantic/favourite meal, date night etc and have no sexual pressure. For many/most (not going as far as all) women the "I've brought you flowers so I deserve a blow job" is a huge turn off. Going down the threesome/cockold/porn route straight away is not a good option here. To introduce another into the relationship puts a huge strain on the primary one- for some they work it out and come out stronger while for others it is the breaking point. However you decide to play it good luck and do let us know how things go xx