Myself and my wife have a great sex life and regularly use lots of toys and seriously into Bdsm. However i personally want to take things a little further and explore some fantasies a bit more. I also suspect my wife feels the same but neither have spoken about it. Is there any advice on approaching these things and getting fantasies etc out in the open?
It is as simple as having a conversation but ofcourse it is not as simple as it sounds, haha.
I should imagine if you are already fairly deep into BDSM try open a conversation about what you like most about that and progress onto new fantasies or ideas. I have read alot on here that taking these conversations outside of the bedroom is a good idea to preven the discussion blowing up if there is any disagreements.
If you don't mind me asking and ofcourse sharing, what are these fantasies you are wanting to bring up, if we knew a little more maybe we could help with how to broach the subject.
its not easy approaching subjects like this. I do find though that having a discussion about fantasies during sex helps as sure your wife will be turned on too while you're both playing and fuckingRacer248 wrote:
Myself and my wife have a great sex life and regularly use lots of toys and seriously into Bdsm. However i personally want to take things a little further and explore some fantasies a bit more. I also suspect my wife feels the same but neither have spoken about it. Is there any advice on approaching these things and getting fantasies etc out in the open?
Sounds strange but some kind of porn or even main stream film / tv that shows your fantasie may be a start. Maybe "the secretary"
I can only give my point of view and thoughts on the subject . I have had fantasies that I finally got to try and found I got a lot more out of them before acting them out . Others lived up to my expectations and several surpassed them . Think through very carefully any that may cause real problems in your relationship while not in the heat of a sex session .
As you are into bdsm you must have had conversations before starting so why are you so reticent to discuss new fantasies ? Talk to your partner about what you like and have a frank discussion.
Try taking a BDSM quiz online. Both write down your answers (likes, dislikes, limits, etc.) privately, and then swap. You might be surprised to see that you each have fantasies you hadn't talked about.
It has been pointed out a number of times previously, the "open conversation" should not be in the bedroom, particularly before (or after) sex / play time.
Out for coffee, a drink, chat in the kitchen or lounge etc, somewhere away from the pressure of sex.
Ofcourse, I read the above advise after Mrs Sen and I had a post coitus chat one evening, but that was after a spectacular bottle of red and a great sex session, so inhibitions were already down as there was no immediate performance expectation, but we did talk a lot more about it in the days / weeks following in situations outside the bedroom.
We both have a fear of rejection / judgement, which you'd have thought after being together 27 years would have gone away, but sex and sexuality is one of those subjects that can leave you so open and vulnerable, its almost an instinctual level of protection that you have to overcome.
I have some pretty dark fantasies and I was nervous to admit them to my partner... but he is so open and it really helps knowing he won’t pass judgement. Of course I still get nervous saying things, it’s human nature but he’s always been excited to hear them and willing to give it a go. If you’re already into BDSM, then I think your partner probably has a pretty open mind about sexuality so just spill the beans. They can only say no. They will walk away and think about it though. It’ll spark their interest, they’ll do research and might change their mind. We only get one shot at life... if you have the chance to try something new, explore it. If you want something, ask for it. Maybe it won’t be fulfilled as you envisioned but it can be tailored to someone’s own style to suit them.
Have a meal together, drink a few gins, play a game and talk. See what pops up.