HI so I have been happily married to my hubby for 21 years this July and I do adore him but our bedroom life is non-existent and its causing problems.
Its always been difficult with the kids in the house and a squeaky bed, haha but it's getting over a year and a half now since there's been any action and the longer it goes on the happier I am to become a nun.
I 100% love my hubby but I just don't understand why i don't want to get down and dirty with him, he always tells me how sexy I am etc but I don't really believe it.
One of my friends said to me if you don't want to get down and dirty then the relationship is more friends then lovers.
I know this probably isn't the place for this post so i am sorry but I just wanted others thoughts on it .
Hi Sugarplum. Sometimes it helps if you forget about sex as in penetration and foreplay and think more about intimacy which includes cuddles, walks in the park, kissing, massage, pampering, meals or going out together.
If you want too, maybe build on the intimacy, let the kids go for a little while can someone look after them,and will you let them?
Get a lock on the door, fix or replace the bed and allow time for you as a couple. End of the day your kids will grow up, find partners and move out so start to adapt your mindset so that partnerbecomes as important as mum.
If you just don’t want intimacy you’ll need to review why you don’t? You may love him but is he attractive to you? Can he be? Once you’ve answered these questions you can decide on how to progress be it sex therapy or guidance counselling.
I think we all long term relationships we all go through a little rough patch. Don't give up.
The part that sticks out for me is that he tells you that you are sexy and you don't believe it. Maybe the body confidence issue is what is causing your low sex drive?
As Mr Pheebs says get that squeeky bed fixed... nothing worse than getting down and dirty and having to slow down/stop because of the worry of kids overhearing the sqeeking.
Hi, I think it’s always best to talk. communicate to your OH how you feel, what you want and what you don’t want. Talking about your emotions can be hard, you have to open up and trust the other person. He might might be completely oblivious of how you really feel (us guys are great at missing the obvious!) or he could be feeling the same and equally doesn’t know how to communicate it.
Thank you for the replies. Its really helpful to get a outside view of it . I think i have conditioned my brain that a kiss and cuddle with lead to full blown sex so i do my best to avoid it sadly. My hubby is a sexy beast i think we have just lost touch with each other . I'm gping to suggest walks in the parks and holding hands and that if we have a smooch i can trust it wont do furthur unless i want it to . I'm 47 this year this shouldnt be happening . Thanks again really appreicte it . X
Thank you for the replies. Its really helpful to get a outside view of it . I think i have conditioned my brain that a kiss and cuddle with lead to full blown sex so i do my best to avoid it sadly. My hubby is a sexy beast i think we have just lost touch with each other . I'm gping to suggest walks in the parks and holding hands and that if we have a smooch i can trust it wont do furthur unless i want it to . I'm 47 this year this shouldnt be happening . Thanks again really appreicte it . X
Thats the right way to do it.
What you need IMO is more "Us Time" which doesnt necessarilly mean in the bedroom. Its doing more things together and interacting llike a couple instread of "passing like ships in the night" . If you can drop the kids off to the grandparents then try and get out for say some pub lunches or even better a weekend away . I am sure the bedroom actrivity will return later once you both start interacting more .
Its nothing to get worried about many parents go through similar spells including my own relationship .
I also detected perhaps a little body confidence issue with yourself. Babydolls are usually pretty good for getting around that as they are pretty damn good at hiding the wobbly bits and also very sexy to boot , thats if you have wobbly bits of course.
If you want to take the nun thing further ( yes we are roleplayers) then get an outfit from a fancy dress shop and wear your best LH lingerie underneath. Now that would be a nice surpise for him after a romantic meal ! 
Hi sugarplum may i suggest just buying a set of sex dice? Cook a nice meal, open a bottle of wine and just play with the dice! I used these to rekindle my romance with my husband and they really worked. We started off thinking it was silly and pointless then actually we got into it and we laughed we joked we cuddled but more importantly we connected, it's with a try xxx
By the way in starting playing with these dice I told my husband I did not want sex I just wanted to have a play with them so we didn't put pressure on each other and it was probably one of the most intimate nights we have ever had I really hope you manage to connect with your husband again soon x
Funny enough i ordered some dice and a little present for myself the other day and it arrived yesterday . We are off to a wedding at the weekend just me and hubby and staying in a hotel overnight so who knows the dice maybe thrown 😉.
Ohhhh I was just going to suggest getting away for a night. Definitely take the dice, I bought some on a whim not expecting them to work. After a few relaxing drinks we had such a laugh with them, we didn't take it seriously and just giggling and touching each other reignited something in us. Maybe take some lingerie, secretly, something that gives you some confidence? I have a robe from lh that is sensual rather than overtly sexy, if I'm not in the mood it's just a beautiful coverup if I am in the mood it feels elegant and sexy. Enjoy your night away, laugh together, (in my very humble opinion)nothing connects a couple more than real laughter and fun.
Funny enough i ordered some dice and a little present for myself the other day and it arrived yesterday .
We are off to a wedding at the weekend just me and hubby and staying in a hotel overnight so who knows the dice maybe thrown 😉.
Thats good . The key is to stay relaxed in each others company away from other stresses and negative problems.of everyday life Both of those can wait. Just keep the conversation positive and see what happens. If your confident then give him a flash of a stocking top whilst serving him a drink and guage the reaction . If its positve then cue the dice !
The dice help us during certain periods they are quite fun and we have a laugh so it takes unnecessary pressure off we can just giggle and chat over them doesn't always lead to sex but we always enjoy using them
Children, work, cleaning, cooking, families visiting and other mundane daily tasks!
Sounds silly, but even for people who dont usually feel interested in the evening, watch a little porn, visit LH, things like that. Sometimes you just need a little encouragement.
A little alone time with your partner. Catch them as they come out of the bathroom, be waiting in the bedroom naked to make a move when they walk in or whilst they are in the bedroom changing.
Every single one of us gets tired and/or fed up. We just need a little help occasionally.