Lost my mojo.

Off-Topic Chat
1

I have pretty much lost my mojo, I dont think about sex or anything to do with it.

My father died last September and just four days after my birthday, which we shared the same date, we had the burial. I cannot explain how close I have been to him for my 43yrs.

Since then I have been supporting my mother and just last month i lost my grandad/mums dad, who was an amazing person to me.

As well as holding a demanding job, keeping a house going, two kids and a dog, i have been struggling.

Like my father and grandad, im stubborn and dont really show how im feeling or show my grieving.

My wife has been amazing and supportive but ive lost my sex drive. I dont want my wife to think I dont fancy her, or i have an issue physically with her. We still hug and kiss but im struggling a bit with suggestive comments or advances.

I dont know when i will get my drive back and hate to see my wife as i struggle with her advances.

They say time heals, I hope it does.

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All I can say is i'm very sorry for your losses, i'm sure your wife will be understanding and it takes time to heal. Just take it slowly and things will get better x

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Time is the best healer. I lost my mum to cancer when i was in my early 20's, that left me very depressed, i couldn't even talk about it for a long time afterwards but depression drove me to the doctor in the end. If you need help dont delay, the longer you leave it the longer it can take to get over it. I left it too long and it took years to get back to getting some enjoyment from life. Grief is an awful state to be in and can cause all sorts of health issues including the one you mention. Good luck bigfish.

4

Hi bigfish.

I just wanted to reply because in September I also went through a bad patch. Someone very close to me died, and I found out one of my parents has cancer and doesn't have long to live. So I kind of know what you're going through. I too lost my sex drive, and worried about what my husband might think of me. I ended up turning to erotic fiction, just reading was great for taking my mind off things, and because it was sexual literature it helped me get back my sex drive. I know everyone is totally different, and this might not work for you as well as it has for me. You could always have a look in the erotic fiction section of the forum and have a read and see if it helps, but if not, it's no pressure.

You say you're worried about your wife, and I understand that it's hard to talk. I'm also like my dad and as soon as a problem arises I cut off everything. I went for two months not speaking to my best friend, because I didn't want her to pity me, and felt like she wouldn't understand what I was going through. I didn't want to talk to my husband about it, because he hasn't had a major death in his family and wouldn't understand my pain. So I just shut off my emotions from everyone and let them eat away at me, and it got worse and worse. The best thing that helped me was talking to a friend who's parent died of cancer, and it was so comforting to talk to someone who had been through what I was going through. I know it can be awkward to break the silence on the matter, but have you thought of writing a letter to your wife, or even an email? Just to reassure her that you're still attracted to her, but you're going through a rough time. I do think you're on the road to recovery, otherwise you wouldn't have posted on the forum for advice, I think you're doing the right thing and taking the right steps to recovery.

One thing that helped me was thinking of my grandad, who I lost. He always said he had a wonderful life and couldn't have wished for a better one. His kids and grand kids have made him proud. He used to say "if I dropped down dead tomorrow I would die happy". I knew that he wouldn't have wanted this depressive state for me, I was his youngest grandchild, his baby, and it would have made him so sad knowing that his passing had such an effect on me. Life is short, and everyone has their time. We're all in a line waiting to go, some people push to the front, and others sneak to the back. It's a terrible thing to have to go through, but time really does heal and I know you'll feel better soon.

I wish you the best of luck, it genuinely makes me sad knowing what you're going through, and I wish we were all immune to grief, but it just shows how much you cared, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure your wife will be happy supporting you, I know that I would if it was my husband.

Take care, and force yourself to smile for 15 seconds a day, it really makes you feel that tiny bit better :)

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Sorry for your loses, you'll never forget them but it will get easier.
As for your wife, she'll understand! If you're worried, talk to her and work together to try and get things back on track

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Hi BF, I am so so sorry for your loss I cannot begin to imagine what this sort of grief is like. My wife lost her father two years ago and she struggles every day. But it does getting Better with time and help. It sounds like you have a wonderful wife who is very supportive. You must let her in,from your post it feels like the loss of your father makes you feel even more responsible for your family and mum. This is all good but you need help and this will come if you share with your wife don't keep it all in , it will tear you up. I don't know if you can afford it but why not book a couple of nights away for just you and your wife. Reward her for all her support. Not for sex but for some together time. Romance doesn't have to mean sex. It sounds as though she is the type of woman that would get the gesture. Good luck and please keep posting.

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I'm so sorry for your losses and its understandable that you're struggling with everything. But like everyone else has said give yourself time and talk to your wife or write her a letter if you can't talk to her... But I'm sure she would want to know what you're thinking and worrying about. Especially as im sure she just wants to be able to help you, its what you do for the ones you love. Try not to worry about the physical side of things I would bet she isn't thinking about why you aren't all over her, and is more concerned about helping you emotionally. I know for me loving someone isn't just the sex its the feeling of intimacy emotionally being able to let someone help you when you aren't feeling 100%. You obviously want to make sure she is ok to, but just keep letting her in and you can get through it together. Time does heal and remember not to put too much on yourself let people help you with things!

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Thankyou to those that replied to this thread.

My wife, who is also an active member of this community, has read this thread and we have talked.

I feel better that she has read this and we have talked about my feelings. It has helped no-end, things are getting better for me.

Feel sure i'll be back "on form" soon.

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When I read the title of this thread I was coming up with a funny answer, until I read the actual thread. I am sorry to hear of your losses.

I'm glad you and your wife have talked and you are feeling better, you've probably heard this too much lately but chin up chick, it will get better xx

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Hi bigfish69, glad things are getting better. I'm no expert but i'd say take your time, dont think about it just concentrate on the love side of your relationship, the sexual side will sort it's self out when you are ready for it. I have been getting into massage lately, my missis loves getting a good body massage and i am surprised at how much i enjoy treating her to it. I'm quite partial to a good rub too so it's win win. I highly recommend it and it's great for reinforcing the bond between a couple.

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It gets easier isn't exactly true, more you get used to them not being there, and its easier to cope, you'll always miss them the same, but it grts better ad less dark.