Moving to a more sub/dom relationship

As regular forum readers will know we have been in a male chastity relationship for 9 months or so now with me wearing a chastity cage full time and my wife having full control over if, when and how I get to orgasm and full control over her own orgasms too.
At first she was uncertain about the change but she now really enjoys the control that she has.
I would now like to move this towards a more sub/dom relationship with her as the dominant partner but I do not want to move too quickly as I’m afraid it would scare her off.
Does anyone know of any information (preferably online) which would help me to gradually introduce this idea to my wife in a non-threatening wife friendly way?


Hi @rockstar, I’m afraid I can’t advise but I do have a question if I may. What are the longer term health implications on being locked? I thought that a release for a male on a regular basis was good preventative action? Are you allowed to do this or are you milked etc?


Theres articles about how regular ejaculation can help prevent prostate cancer and many articles on “shrinkage” due to a reduced amount of full erections. But that’s only if it is permanent. If you’re allowed out once or twice and have full erections you should be fine.

There has been no documented study that I could find for long term implications but news papers have approached urologist.

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When you say that you want to move into a more D/s relationship, what exactly do you mean? What would be the ultimate end goal? Are you looking to increase the control she has over you (at home or in every day life) or are you looking to serve her or is this more about play or a combination of those or something else entirely? There are 2 reasons why I ask. Firstly, there are lots of different resources out there, some of which will be more relevant than others depending on what you are looking to do. As a general starting point, there is a book called Mistress Manual which is really good (and available in various ebook formats).

Secondly, before trying to introduce new things into your relationship, it helps to have a reasonably good idea of what you want and what you don’t want. It will then give her something concrete she can work with and digest, and then add her own thoughts and desires to.

If you are looking for resources to aid your own understanding and research, that’s great. If you are looking for resources to present to your wife, I would say it would be better to have a conversation with her about it first. That way, you can gauge her reactions and also present it in a way you know she will respond to.

Personally, I’d suggest simply talking to her. Saying something like “I love how we do this, I’d like to take it a little further, how would you feel about doing this specific thing”. Not necessarily using words or labels like dominance and submission, just slowly adding in new elements


That’s all good advice. To be honest I haven’t yet thought deeply enough about my ultimate goal. It’s more a case of enjoying this relationship so much that I’d like to take it further and become more submissive.

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Shrinkage is a possibility but she does allow me erections (but not orgasms) relatively frequently. At the moment she allows me to orgasm (or have a ruined orgasm) every 3 weeks or so for health reasons but we may well be moving to prostate milking soon as an alternative solution.


I mean technically you’ve already introduced it with the chastity, I think before trying to include other forums you should figure out exactly what you want in terms of changes to the relationship. What exactly you want and then bring up the subject as how would you feel about introducing x or doing blank. The biggest part of any BDSM relationship is communicating, you have to be able to just openly discuss kink and things you want to wish to try.


I guess it really depends what you mean by this? Are you looking to incorporate more d/s stuff strictly during play or more as a lifestyle? The term “submissive” is a huge spectrum, so I’d also have a think in a little more depth which parts you’re interested in exploring further. Does the pain side of things interest you? Do you want to be degraded? Do you want to serve your partner?

I guess I would also be mindful of what your partner enjoys and is seeking from play too. As others have said, communication is key and talking about it in a casual and open way is often the best way forward. What are her fantasies? Is there a way you could look at exploring both of those? Think about how you initially broached the chastity concept - what worked well from that and what might you do differently?

Happy to try and give some more advice and guidance if you know which aspects you want to explore :blush:

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All good advice. Thanks.

I’ll have a good think about exactly where I want to go with this.
I guess that I’m enjoying my wife being in control and I want to develop this aspect a little more and I would also like to explore being feminised.
We are only into mild bondage (restraints, blindfolds, nipple clamps) and we have no desire to take this further.
Maybe I’m looking at a moderate FLR rather than sub/dom.

These is actually a questionnaire online which you both download on your phone and you each answer the questions…I has things like limits, likes and dislikes and actually helps you understand each other. Its simple and a great way to get started x

Sounds good. Do you have a name or location?

We had a talk this morning and she’s promised to stop feeling guilty when I do all the cooking, washing up, cleaning and other household chores. She’s happy to see it as another small step towards a more female led relationship following her ongoing progress in making all the sexual decisions.


I’m not sure if i can post due to rules and stuff, but if you Google bdsm partner questionnaire or along them lines you should be able to find something. Have a look in the app store too. You will be surprised how many things you can find.

OK thanks.

If she is inclined to spend time on web forums, there is a “female only” chat area at chastity mansion (she has to jump through some hoops to become a verified female) but the ladies there seem very supportive of new ladies looking for advice.

I think “promising to stop feeling guilty” is a bit of a stretch, certainly at first. She could reward you in other ways for your good behaviour (allow you to satisfy her for example) and then slowly reduce the rewards over time once the behaviour becomes more normal.

You both seem to communicate well, so allowing her to express her feelings is important and you can then discuss afterwards if tweaks are needed or its all going along the right path.

Enjoy the journey


The website you are after is mojo upgrade.
Can be done on one phone/tablet or comp.
Hope it helps.

Thank you.

@rockstar you mentioned the chastity element earlier, and was wondering how you overcame the discretion element. My wife and I have experimented with a few cages recently, usually for a quiet night at home for her amusement. However when we talk about wearing one in public for a bit of kinky fun, we can’t seem to find one discrete enough for the job. We did get an ultra-discrete one, but it was just too small given that I’m above-average (according to her) and also a grower, if that makes sense.

Would you have any cage recommendations designed specifically for discretion for outdoor wear, by any chance?

The cage I wear now is not a LH product so I can’t reference it here.

Plastic cages are very light and easy to wear but are difficult to keep clean. I prefer the metal cage type.

I’m not sure what you mean by the discretion element. I wear mine all my waking hours, in or out of the house, when shopping, social occasions and when playing live on stage and have never had any problems. The only time I have to be careful is when using public toilets with other people around but, to be honest, if someone saw it and commented on it I would tell them exactly what it is and why I wear it.

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Thanks for the assist, @rockstar, it’s very appreciated. All of our cages are metal, but because I’m in jeans they do tend to be more noticeable, particularly if you’re stuffing something substantial inside (I have a cage there with a 40mm shaft diameter and simply cannot get into it). I’m perhaps seeking the impossible, which is why we usually indulge in this play in the house before moving onto more intimate fun, and also apologise for my lack of clarity - it’s new for us so it’s hard to articulate the need properly.

I’m not a 24-hour player of chastity, it’s really something my wife and I enjoy when the mood strikes, otherwise I’m liberated in that regard. Still, she likes the idea of something for occasional public wear as “our little secret,” but finding that perfect solution is becoming a challenge. I’m open to trying a plastic one for this, but like you prefer the metal ones. Any leads would be appreciated! :slight_smile: