I've been with my partner for roughly two years and we've had a few bumps along the way that have impacted our sex life but nothing major, until now. Recently I have realised that i am not sexually attracted to my partner in any shape or form. Everything else in our relationship is going great so i dont think there's anything affecting my feelings from that side, but just the thought of having to have sex with him makes me uncomfortable and even recently when we have engaged in sex there have been things ive not been able to do, as i feel repulsed.
I dont think its my libido because i still feel horny and i do masterbate, but i just cant bring myself to want to have sex with him. He has a very high sex drive and mine is more middle of the road but we've always known that about each other and it wasnt really an issue before. The only thing that i can really stand from him are hugs and kisses and snuggling in bed or on the couch, anything further just switches me off instantly. We've already discussed this so its all out in the open, and we've thrown around a few ideas, getting advice from others being one of them, but nothing that we've discussed has made me feel any better about the situation. I do love him and he's the first guy that Ive been able to be totally myself with and if you take sex out of the equation we have a great relationship, and we get on really well, unfortunately sex is a big part of relationships for each of us, so we dont really know how to move forward. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!!
I have noticed that in your "User Profile" (yes I like doing my homework!) That you classify yourself as being bisexual.
I am just wondering if the attractions of another women are begining to come to the fore and your sexual preference is beginning to change . This and understandably will have an impact on your existing relationship if your sexual preferences are changing.
I cant think of anything that has triggered it, i think ive felt this way for a few months but i only really realisd and admitted it to myself recently.
I could imagine it being a possibility but ive not really met any girls that i would be interested in, it is something to consider but since ive been with my current partner I have felt any strong attraction to anyone else, male or female. So i dont really think thats it either, thanks for being thorough though.
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way, the only thing you can do is try to go back to where it all began. Go to places you both enjoyed together previously - cinema, favourite restaurants see if you can get back on track or a favourite holiday destination.
Have a date night once a fortnight or what works best for you guys. Take it in turns to organise the evening. Even a meal at home but one of you prepares it all for the other.
See if quality time together in different environments lights the spark again...
Obviously there are sex toys and aids that we sell that you could try together and explore new things but I wouldn't want to force this upon you if you are not feeling like you want to participate in such activities.
It is good to hear you have communicated about it all that is the best thing you can do as a couple and this does shows a strong relationship that you can be so honest with each other.
Maybe you have got to comfortable with each other and in a bit of a routine 'out of the swing of things' and because you haven't done it in a little while you don't feel up to it as much.
Have you began taking medication? this can affect the way you feel sexually.
I'm sorry I cannot offer any really helpful advice - I hope other members here can offer something more...
My sex drive changes throughout the year and when im pregnant, in winter i want to have sex with my partner all of the time but i could go months without in summer. Could it be somthing as simple as this?x
Are you depressed or experiencing hormal shifts? I would talk to a doctor and look at that first. Also, I am not sure if there has been any sexual abuse in your past but sometimes that can appear in our mental state even with a secure and loving partner and affect you without even realizing it. If that is the case you may want to talk individually or as a couple with a counselor.
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way, the only thing you can do is try to go back to where it all began. Go to places you both enjoyed together previously - cinema, favourite restaurants see if you can get back on track or a favourite holiday destination.
Have a date night once a fortnight or what works best for you guys. Take it in turns to organise the evening. Even a meal at home but one of you prepares it all for the other.
See if quality time together in different environments lights the spark again...
Obviously there are sex toys and aids that we sell that you could try together and explore new things but I wouldn't want to force this upon you if you are not feeling like you want to participate in such activities.
It is good to hear you have communicated about it all that is the best thing you can do as a couple and this does shows a strong relationship that you can be so honest with each other.
Maybe you have got to comfortable with each other and in a bit of a routine 'out of the swing of things' and because you haven't done it in a little while you don't feel up to it as much.
Have you began taking medication? this can affect the way you feel sexually.
I'm sorry I cannot offer any really helpful advice - I hope other members here can offer something more...
Cazz x
thanks, there are some helpful suggstions there, im not taking any medication currently, I kind of wish it was something like that. Bt youve definitely left me with something to think about
Sorry it wasn't much more...
You've already been together a long time so it seems silly to end it all so quickly, it's worth looking for help and advice you've done the right thing!
Relationships take work but they're worth it. I hope you resolve your issues x
Have you been working more hours lately? With my ex (who I was with for over 7 years), I started working full time and was really stressed out and exhausted all the time. I lost all interest in having sex with him and preferred masturbating daily instead. Despite having an almost perfect relationship, I ended up breaking up with him because I no longer wanted sex with him, and that's a huge part of any relationship. In hindsight, maybe we could've made it work by "dating" again, like Cazz suggests up there, but I'm now with a better partner, so no regrets!
Could it be the type of contraception you are using ? i went through a period of having no sex drive and my partner incouraged me to see the docter which i did and he surgested a change in contraception. I stopped all methods of contraception pill , implant etc and my partner started using condoms insted, Im pleased to say for us it made a huge diffrence and im happy to report things are good again.
Additionaly our sex life imporved when i stopped working for a company and became self imployed i didnt realise it at the time but the long hrs and not been happy at work had a huge impact on my sex life
Perhaps you could look at another avenue to reignite that spark and I am pleased to see communication is excellent between you and your partner which believe it or not is half the battle IMO
I was thinking of your ulitmate sex fantasies . Perhaps you could discuss these with him and perhaps act them out if that is possible . Possibly as a roleplay scenario.Perhaps you need to push those "safe" boundaries a bit . My thinking here if you could just push those boundaries a bit obviously assuming your OH is OK about that it just might reignite that spark as it will be something completely new and away from your familiar routine .