I am not sure if I am getting bored of sex with my current parter or not. We have been together for almost 2 years, and we have always been very open in and outside of bed with eachother. I don't feel there is anything I couldn't tell him or go to him with.
The last few months I have had a nagging feeling that something isn't quite right with him, he says everything is fine with him and with us but I'm not convinced to be honest. There are times when my sex drive is lower, but majority of the time I feel it is higher than his. I feel I am the one suggesting new ideas, new things to try, I am the one buying sex toys and have a wishlist on Love Honey I am DESPERATE to buy but keep putting off in hope that he buys something for me. I have booked a room before at Hotel De Vie in Surrey for a kinky night away but ended up cancelling it because he just didn't seem all that interested.
Yesterday I have finally figured a way to make myself squirt, which is something he loves. I sent him a few photos at work of my playtime at home and he just sent me a one liner in response, and then went on to talk about work, and I just felt awkward and silly. I was gagging for sex so to speak all day yesterday, and was eagerly waiting for him to come home. Long story short after a shower, and I know this is going to sound ridiculous, he went down on me, and then I asked if we could turn the heater on in the room so I could keep the covers off and be more comfortable, he said no. I was abit taken back and ended up getting in a bit of an argument and in the end I just turned over and went to sleep.
What do I do? I love him to bits but just finding now I want more. I think also there are some other things going on, he has said in the past that he has been a bit of a commitphobe, and has been disinterested in a relationship when the sex hasn't been there. I have said in the past I would like to get married (that isn't out of order is it?) but I don't think that is on the cards for him as he doesn't feel the need to. I do live with him in his house and he has said that he loves coming home to me, but I'm not feeling it all that much anymore. I used to think we had a great relationship as we get on brilliantly, and I didn't think the sex would bother me that much, but it really really is.
What should I do? Sorry for the vent, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks x
stress or depression? can do strange things to people. we been married over 25 years and never been as active as we are right now,has fluctuated down the years though with one of us wanting it more than the other at various times
I would suggest sitting down and having a good long talk about your sex drives. Make sure to approach him gently and during a time he is not feeling stressed or busy. Don't use phrases like "you never" "you don't" because these may come across as attacking or pressuring him. Ask HIM if there is anything he'd prefer more of during sex; ie oral for him, taking dirty, etc.
Do you both still have date nights? Do you spend time with one another doing things that won't lead to sex? Like playing a game of monopoly, or going for a walk with each other? Is the spark still there? Are you both happy just cuddled up watching Friends with each other or has the intimacy dissapeared? You need to have a good long talk I think.
You know I wouldn't actually say we do. We went out for lunch the other day and then went to the cinema and we had a great afternoon, which was my idea, but I feel he doesn't make the suggestions or plans anything like that for us. We go to the cinema often as it's something we both enjoy. I wouldn't say the intimacy has dissapeared, we are happy with lounging at home but I just wish he would take more of a lead sometimes as I feel it's all down to me, and I don't want it to feel like that.
He is such a lovely gent, I don't want to upset him or offend him or come across as too high maintanence and drive him away though.
This is a difficult one this one as there could be umpteen different reasons for his low sex drive. The thing you need to ask yourself is this unusual bahaviour for him. For example my Mrs knows at this time of the year my sex drive tends to be quite low. Of course it doesn't mean I am getting bored of her or anything like that its just normal for me at this time of the year. If she wants sex then she will have to initiate it .I am half expecting something to happen at weekend as she has just bought some new lingerie and will probably wear it on Saturday night under a dress.
As a suggestion and not to similar to the above why not go through the l;ngerie section of LH with your OH and suiggest" Would you like to see me wearing that? " perhaps you could have a romantic night in and cook his favouriter meal for him wearing something sexy. I am assuming that there are no kids in the baclground here. Perhaps watch a dirty movie ( not porn ) together after the meal. Whilst having your meal you could also ask if there is something bothering him at work and he is bottling it up .
I think this is a situation whereby you going to have to keep plugging away slowly until you get to the bottom of it.
This is a difficult one this one as there could be umpteen different reasons for his low sex drive. The thing you need to ask yourself is this unusual bahaviour for him. For example my Mrs knows at this time of the year my sex drive tends to be quite low. Of course it doesn't mean I am getting bored of her or anything like that its just normal for me at this time of the year. If she wants sex then she will have to initiate it .I am half expecting something to happen at weekend as she has just bought some new lingerie and will probably wear it on Saturday night under a dress.
As a suggestion and not to similar to the above why not go through the l;ngerie section of LH with your OH and suiggest" Would you like to see me wearing that? " perhaps you could have a romantic night in and cook his favouriter meal for him wearing something sexy. I am assuming that there are no kids in the baclground here. Perhaps watch a dirty movie ( not porn ) together after the meal. Whilst having your meal you could also ask if there is something bothering him at work and he is bottling it up .
I think this is a situation whereby you going to have to keep plugging away slowly until you get to the bottom of it.
good luck
He says everything is going ok at work. He changed his job back in June and it's been going really well from what he has told me. Do you have any suggestions for a dirty movie? Think I'll have a browse around on the lingere section on here and have some fun over the weekend.
Are you suspecting that he might be playing away? Is he paying you all the right attention outside of the bedroom so to speak? Like some others have said, it's more than likely stress, and we all know how differently we react to that!
But after reading what you wrote, a great deal is only coming from you and not much at all from his side! and that concerns me. I'm sure if it was something like depression he would be showing signs of that in all arears of his life! Certainly worth a big pow wow with him!
Are you suspecting that he might be playing away? Is he paying you all the right attention outside of the bedroom so to speak? Like some others have said, it's more than likely stress, and we all know how differently we react to that!
But after reading what you wrote, a great deal is only coming from you and not much at all from his side! and that concerns me. I'm sure if it was something like depression he would be showing signs of that in all arears of his life! Certainly worth a big pow wow with him!
Ozz, I don't think he would. A few months ago I discovered his facebook was left open and he had been messaging his "friend" of about 10 years, for photos of her boob job and naked photos. He said it had been a long standing joke with them but I read the entire conversation of more than a year. From what I could read and what he had said he had not met up with her. He says he no longer talks to her but I wouldn't know anyway. I don't think he *would* play away, but I guess you never really, ever truly know someone back to front and inside out.
I'm a little paranoid with him always being on his phone.. it constantly going off etc etc. I'm always one for saying I trust until I am given a reason not to. I've just got some things from my wishlist as it's payday, and will see what happens when it's delivered tomorrow. I'm not really holding my breath to be honest but I guess it will be an indication. Not sure on the depression front, I'm sure things would be going on in all areas of his life, but I just feel things aren't right with us at the moment. I'm worried I'm going nuts here and it's all in my head. I can't really talk to anyone else about this. I
I think you have to trust your fella here . If he got the idea that you are snoopping around and the slightest suspiscion of him cheating then it might not go down too well and make everything worse . So trust your guy here !
Movies I recommend are all availble on DVD and quite cheap .
Wild Orchid
Eye wide Shut
The Secrtetary ( if your into a bit of Spanking)
If you want more of a thriller then "Body of Evidence " staring Madona .
If you feel a little more daring then the "Story of O "
Even 50 Shades aint a bad movie but its a bit slow for the first 40 minutes..
Okay. I'm a lady with a seriously high sex drive and it is seriously difficult when men shut down. I feel for you. I think we can safely say this happens quite often to couples when they've been together for a while. It sounds to me like you need some libido stimulating without the end result of sex. Lingerie is a great way to get things going, yes, but the truth is we tend to find our long term partners most sexually attractive when we see them across the room at a party being charismatic or doing something well where we can't immediately get gratification (e.g. I'm a singer and nothing gets my partner more excited than seeing me onstage). Go to out dancing and don't talk about sex at all but let your body do the work or go to a house party (or better yet throw one!) and spend the evening talking to the other guests and playing sticky eyes with your man. My partner and I are long distance at the moment (which is awful) but we have skype sex which makes him see me as a little bit unattainable like in the early days which means we have an incredible time when we next see each other. I know this is tough but he's probably just going through a low point. Don't take it personally and don't assume the worst!
Are you suspecting that he might be playing away? Is he paying you all the right attention outside of the bedroom so to speak? Like some others have said, it's more than likely stress, and we all know how differently we react to that!
But after reading what you wrote, a great deal is only coming from you and not much at all from his side! and that concerns me. I'm sure if it was something like depression he would be showing signs of that in all arears of his life! Certainly worth a big pow wow with him!
Ozz, I don't think he would. A few months ago I discovered his facebook was left open and he had been messaging his "friend" of about 10 years, for photos of her boob job and naked photos. He said it had been a long standing joke with them but I read the entire conversation of more than a year. From what I could read and what he had said he had not met up with her. He says he no longer talks to her but I wouldn't know anyway. I don't think he *would* play away, but I guess you never really, ever truly know someone back to front and inside out.
I'm a little paranoid with him always being on his phone.. it constantly going off etc etc. I'm always one for saying I trust until I am given a reason not to. I've just got some things from my wishlist as it's payday, and will see what happens when it's delivered tomorrow. I'm not really holding my breath to be honest but I guess it will be an indication. Not sure on the depression front, I'm sure things would be going on in all areas of his life, but I just feel things aren't right with us at the moment. I'm worried I'm going nuts here and it's all in my head. I can't really talk to anyone else about this. I
Thanks Ozz!
Huni you sound so stressed out! I really want you to sit down with him and have a good old chat. I think he needs to hear how you're feeling and what's worrying you too. I'm so glad to hear that he was just larking around with a female friend, banter even with the opposite sex can sometimes bring something to our table as it were. I know that one well!!! I hate reading how you think you might be going nuts!!! talk to him this weekend, don't probe him, but get it out there before it starts eating you up please. Let me know howthings are in the next few days will you? I'll be thinkig of you huni xx You don't have to thank me! that's what friends are for you silly goose xx
Had a long chat with him last week, sorry haven't been able to reply sooner but have been super busy. I explained everything and how I felt, I think we are ok now, I don't think he realised how much stress was affecting him, and also how easily I could see it. We shall see what happens soon though, he says he will up his game with me and sex, but I'm a big believer in the saying "actions speak louder than words". Thanks all for the chats xxx
Best wishes in all this sugarboobies2232... glad you were able to talk it out. I am your partner sometimes in my relationship where the work and kids stress kills my sex drive and that makes my partner feel unloved and not wanted...
so thank you for sharing what you did, it helped me gain better perspective in my own relationship.
Best of luck and glad that you can talk about the situaton with your partner . However don't expect toom much at once he isn't a machine . It will probably take time and small steps are the key IMO.
Try to add a bit of romance if you are not doing already for example make him his favourite slap up meal and perhaps cuddles for afters and see what happens.