Hi i'm really new to this (including sex toys, posting on the forum etc) I'll admit that i've never really experimented much in the bedroom (mainly due to confidence)....the most adventurous I ever got was going on top! However since getting with my OH a year ago I have wanted to be more outgoing and experiment more.....the other night we were talking about likes and dislikes etc and got onto the subject of porn, my OH said that he does enjoy porn and watches it several times a week and masturbates to it.......for some reason I found this a little surprising and found myself feeling a bit threatened by it if i'm honest, I have never watched porn and have never really thought about it.....what I really need is some honest thoughts on OH's watching porn and probably people to tell me to stop being silly and that its a completely normal thing to do
My past experiences with boyfriends and males in general is that most of them watch porn - I suppose it's so easily available, the temptation is too much
. One example -me and my boyfriend (at the time) were supposed to be going out and he was taking ages to get ready,so I came up the stairs entered my room and found him on a porn channel
. Don't be offended and it's nothing your doing wrong.However
, if you did want to introduce products and maybe sex toys eventually - can I recommend buying some lube (lovehoney ones are great) and some massage oils - start off with the more 'normal ' things.
Lots of us guys watch it but you shouldn't feel threatened, some watch for ideas,see things the OH wouldn't do, just for entertainment or something I would never see like girl on girl. You could try watching some yourself(all types) then suggest watching together if you think it would be OK, you could start by asking what type he watches, but he may be economical with the answer, not sure if the OH asked if I would say I watch girls fisting each other/guys, huge dildos, pussy pumping and speculums or girls peeing? might just say the normal girl/guy thing.
Neiter of us tend to watch much porn alone but we do occasionally watch it together. It gets us both pretty hot and we have learnt a few new tricks too. You could offer next time he does it to join him and watch together and either masterbate or get each other off.
Neiter of us tend to watch much porn alone but we do occasionally watch it together. It gets us both pretty hot and we have learnt a few new tricks too. You could offer next time he does it to join him and watch together and either masterbate or get each other off.
+1 This works well for us and gets us both really turned on and horny :)
You will find amongst guys that this is normal behaviour .And to be fair to him he has been openly and honest about it and you should really congratulate him for that .
Some porn can be used as a reference tool as well such as new techniques and ideas and confimation of doing things right.It can also give ideas for erotic role playing .
Have you thought of watching it together ? Sometimes me and my wife will watch something together to slowly get us in the mood after a hard days work. It doesn't necessarily have to be the hard core stuff either as my Mrs prefers the much softer porn films eg Emanuelle ,Nine and a half weeks etc.
Good luck and it sounds as though you have a really good honest guy on your hands .
Hi. I'm new to this too - only joined Lovehoney yesterday! I agree with the previous post - most men watch porn and it can be a little threatening because of the way the women look & the things they do. But remember that women are beautiful things to look at (unlike men with all their untidy bits!) My OH watches porn when I'm out and I watch it when he's out - but we both know. I used to get a bit fed up that he used to watch it too much so I told him so and we set some boundaries. If you want to watch it there's lots of normal stuff and you may be surprised how turned on you get. At the end of the day it's just fantasy for most men & as long as you both know how you feel about it it should be fine. Hope this helps too x
Just gonna add that it's not just men- I'm female and I watch porn too! I don't think it's abnormal at all (OK- unless you're obsessed with it and NEED it).
As others have said- it's great that he's been honest, and maybe think about watching it together. You say you want to be more adventurous, and it's a great way to open up conversations about what you both want to do. Have fun!
I'm not a guy, but I watch lots of porn and why I watch it has nothing to do with how I feel towards my partner at the time. I'm rubbish at keeping my momentum going without something visual to keep my mind going. So porn just helps get me there when I need that release. I think there is probably similar reasoning for men too.
I think only time it's an issue that needs to be addressed is if you know he's watching porn lots but your sex life is non-existent. When the ba;ance has tipped like that then there is usually something that needs talking about. So long as you are having an active sex life though, and things are moving along nicely then I definitely wouldn't worry.
I also wouldn''t worry too much bout what type of porn he watches, I am currently involved with a woman, but confessed I like watch two gay guys go at it! It in no way means I find women less attractive, I actually find women more appealing than men, but I find that gay porn is a lot more realistic and the passion and enthusiasm gets me off. So we don't all watch porn that refelcts our real life desires.
If I was you I'd be thankful he's been honest about it, as he should be, I don't think any of us should feel ashamed about our sexual habits (the safe, sane and concensual ones obvisouly) and if you're curious, maybe ask him if there's any you could watch together. Or browse by yourself, some site have a for women section which might be a good place to start, as you run less risk of stumbling across something a bit more hardcore.
Good luck and you're not being silly, I think by looking for advice on this you've been very rational, anddefinitely you've come to the best place for advice :) xxx
Thank you all so much for taking the time to post....it is really appreciated. Feel a lot better hearing everyones thoughts :) I hadn't really thought about it but yeah he could have lied and said he didn't watch it but was very honest and open with me.......I really need to have a look myself and maybe watch with him one day x
Hi, also a newbie, and although my partner and I experiment a fair bit with different things including toys, locations etc, I had never watched porn.
He works and is based away so its something I kind of assumed he used, despite that,when he bought his stuff home and there was a porn dvd amongst it I still felt a bit grumpy about it...that is until we watched it together - next thing I knew we were all over each other - I would highly recommend what other people suggest about watching it together.
Also, don't compare yourself with the "actresses". They are extreme examples of women in looks and actions. That helps to make porn a fantasy. It does not mean he wants you to be like them!
Hi I found it really intimating when I saw/ found out my hubby (then boyfriend) watching porn as he was watching vids where they were tall slim blonde girls opposite to me so I felt insecure about it its taken a while and I'm over it and watch porn myself now and as long as it don't affect our sex life in not fussed anymore I think its healthy to no how to enjoy yourself what works and don't work for you please don't take it personal x
I too used to feel imtimdated by porn especially since all the women seem to be slim and young with massive breasts that defy gravity ( I have large boobs but they're natural looking not stuck out in front of me like a couple of over inflated beach balls ! ) I suppose I felt jealous of my husband looking at other women but we had a talk about it and it turns out that it's not that he wants me to look like that, it's more a case of watching the actual sex acts .
We ended up watching some stuff together and I began to relax into it and feel less threaten by it. I now watch porn a fair bit on my own and in some ways the tables have turned, now I think that sometimes my husband feels a bit put out that I'm watching loads of fit young blokes who look nothing like him ! In reality I'd much rather have sex with him, a real normal looking man, but porn is just an escape from real life at times and I think lots of people like to do that.
Try not to take it too personally, it's really just the same as having a fantasy except that it's on film.
Meh, it's porn.
As other's have said, sometimes it's nice to just watch, other times to play.
Try watching it together, or watching cam girls? I prefer the latter most of the time as it's less intense and you don't get the ''scary'' porn surprising you from nowhere >.>
It's perfectly normal, and tends to heighten his sex drive for you: most men say that watching porn and masturbating comes nowhere close to actually having sex with their ladyshape (or man) so unless he's being overly secretive, or it's impacting your life together (ie he refuses to come cook dinner because porn, etc) then it's not a problem.
My man watches porn whilst I'm out, I do the same whilst he's out. Occasionally we'll be sat accross the room from each other doing different things, and suddenly realise we both have porn/cams on as background entertainment for whatever we're doing :P
Men are visual beasts and I'm pretty sure most watch porn. I wouldn't worry about it, and like others have said you can embrace it and share the enjoyment or just let him continue to watch it solo. I think the main thing is that whatever you decide don't make it into an issue.... it really is no big deal.
As for those posters who have said they feel threatened by the performers? Again I wouldn't worry. The average bloke is not going to measure up to a professional male porn star in the trouser department and that clearly doesnt bother the guys who watch it.
My preferences with porn are pretty straight laced, the amateur gonzo style as opposed to pneumatic funbags or extreme kink.
Having said that times have changed a hell of a lot since I was a teenager when your porn stash usually comprised of a crusty copy of Razzle magazine that you found in the local park.
I have a thirteen year old son and no doubt he has started to look at porn, which to be frank is not exactly difficult to find on the internet. I value my kids privacy and they all have access to a laptop with their own passwords so I cannot, and most importantly do not want to intrude on their curiosity. Having said that at some point I will have to have a discussion that 90% of the sex acts he can see probably aren't really applicable in real life.
Given he is an intelligent lad I'm pretty sure he has worked it out for himself, our family life is stable and open so he has a good real life reference at least. That and the fact he has yet to find his Mum covered in my shit.
Hahahaha, well done macspants, you almost got through an entire post without saying something hilarious! You have me chuckling, and I'm at home sick, so thanks!
I echo the above . It took me a little while as a new comer to appreciate your humour . And as a father to a son myself I can very relate to eveything you say. I can honestly say a couple of our "warm up" soft porn DVDs have gone missing . I guess I know where !!
Hahahaha, well done macspants, you almost got through an entire post without saying something hilarious! You have me chuckling, and I'm at home sick, so thanks!
My thanks, and get well soon. I have another day off and spending my time pratting about seems a waste, but if it raises a smile? Time well spent.