Hubby and I have been together 20 years now, over the years ive asked a few times if he watches porn, ive always told him its not an issue for me if he does but hes always said he doesn’t watch it, doesnt see the point etc etc. Well I recently discovered that he in fact does watch porn, every morning before work. It still isnt an issue for me, I actually found it quite amusing when I found out and a little curious as to what he likes to watch, at this point he didnt know that id found out and was still adamantly denying it, it wasnt until I told him ive seen the times dates etc that he finally admitted it.
Im honestly not bothered he watches it but he doesnt seem to want to discuss it, im seriously curious as to what hes into as things are a little vanilla for us atm and im hoping to spice things up a bit (or a lot ).
How would you go about bringing it up again? he was so reluctant to admit watching it in the first place, I just dont get it.
I guess how you approach this depends on why you think he’s found it hard to be honest. Does he harbour a lot of shame about sex? Maybe he needs to hear that you don’t think it’s bad, that you think it’s positive.
I agree with the others, tell him what kind of porn you’re interested in, tell him it turns you on that he watches porn and ask if he’ll watch with you.
Does he exhibit any shame during or after sex? If not then he may feel shame about the type of porn he watches. Be careful not to pass judgement on any genres in case its his.
Like others have said communication is key here but it needs to be gentle and sensitive as he may harbour shame or embarrassment about watching porn in general or the genre that he watches.
Alternatively, it may just be something he likes to keep to himself for no reason other than he wants to. You may have to accept that thats not an area he wants to share. If this is the case and you want to watch porn with him then maybe as to watch the porn together that you like if hes comfortable doing so.
I know you said you would like to know as you want to spice things up. He may not want to live out what he watches. Fantatsies are sometimes best left as that so it might be worth a conversation seperate to porn and tell him that you are interested in trying (insert what you like) and would he be up for that.
I would try first to get him to be relaxed around watching it.
Maybe tell him since you know he watched it you have started watching / curious of new things and you really enjoy it.
Then move on to asking what he likes to watch as you want ideas to bring into the bedroom.
We watch such a range of things on porn or get presented with in an endless click of different areas and somethings he might find embarrassing or you may think is odd / weird so would def suggest the first stage is keep reassuring your ok with it
Great first post! Maybe he’s a little embarrassed about talking to you on porn stuff as usually things like that people do in their own personal space and they then feel awkward opening up conversations on it…
Perhaps just blurt your thoughts out to him and say you’ve found it rather sexy that he watches porn and would like to try out spicing things up a bit more for fun
As has been said by others, I would suggest you open the topic with what porn you like to watch and then suggest watching a porn movie together. There are a number of porn films which have been made for couple viewing and see if he opens up from there.
It could be he likes embarrassing (to you in his mind stuff) but also he may feel that you could feel insecure if him watching other women, I’m similar to your partner but I really don’t watch porn I love making it just not watching, it just holds no meaning for me as we are so sexually active and open with each other, but on the flip side we was discussing something similar to this the other night about watching porn as we have now made an only fans so we could get ideas if we run out or to get a different perspective on other peoples ways, my partner she doesn’t watch it anymore either but if she suggested to watch it I wouldn’t say no, but on my own I’m really not interested. Hope this helps from another man’s point of view.
I think that bringing it up will still be awkward. If he doesn’t want to tell you, it means there is alot of taboo around it still. Be prepared for a hard no from him on watching together or discussing it.
However, other methods of trying to force yourself to watch it and then have him catch you may come across as you making fun of him which will be a very big kill. What type of porn was he watching? It may make a big difference in the approach. If it was things you could do together, get familiar with it and let him do those things to you if you are in agreement.
Anal, facials, titty-fucks, cumming in your mouth, etc. may be all things he fantasized about doing with you and you don’t have to bring up porn, instead, simply acting out those things with him may be all he needs. (I would simply appreciate some sex with the lights on for the first time in years just so I can watch the whole experience)
If it is lesbian porn, transexual, homosexual, etc. might be a different conversation and will require a completely different conversation and will require some homework and perhaps a different thought pattern depending on what you know he saw. Either way, how you approach it may make a world of difference in the outcome.
Ill try to answer as many questions as I can without replying to every single comment.
I think he’s found it hard to admit to it due to a previous time when I found him watching it, we’re talking nearly 20 years ago but I’m a lot more open minded and a lot less insecure these days.
Im not so much a watcher myself, I prefer to read, he’s well aware of what I read as its not something I hide, he has in the past asked me if I’ve gotten any ideas.
I ended up asking him if theres anything in particular that he enjoys but he just said nothing in particular, there was no links to specific videos when I found out, just links to the actual site, I’m assuming he just scrolls through and watches the previews without actually clicking on any. I said if theres anything he wants to try to let me know or just send me a link.
Hi @Wkdme firstly welcome to the tribe!
I can understand his reluctance I don’t talk about it with my OH. It’s not a secret but just different.
Maybe suggest you want to watch it with him some time. Good luck!
It took a long time for my partner to become ok with discussing it and is still pretty embarrassed even talking about masturbation. I don’t find it odd but to her it is something you keep to yourself and don’t talk about. She grew up in a home where it just isn’t something you discuss with anyone.
We have never talked about and I don’t think my boyfriend would suspect I watch porn at all but I started to watch porn a few years ago and it is a very regular thing for me now. We have talked about moving in together recently so I have started to think it is something he will find out or I will tell him somehow at some time soon.
Me and my partner live together and very openly talk about sex and things were interested in but we have never talked about porn and what we like to watch as that’s something we do solo. I would have no problem discussing it with him and I know he would tell me if I asked but it’s never came up in conversation. I think for most people porn is a fantasy and not something we want in real life and it’s nice to have your own thing at times.
I think that if I found out Mrs. Val watched porn I would be extremely aroused by it. If she found out I was watching porn, I think she would not be happy.
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